Oh Brother!

I need to talk about something. I will try to keep it short, but once I start talking, I can’t really control how much I say lol. If I really need to get something out, I have to get it out, you know?

So I think I have found my paternal father. I mean, well, I think I have found out who he was. The records on Ancestry are wrong because I found a document which tells a different story about who my father’s parents were and who he was married to when he had a son in 1968 before I was even born. So yes, I’m saying I think I have a brother out there in the world.

I found a person who matches the exact age of my brother with the same first and last name with the same spelling and the same birth date. He lives in the United States in North Carolina, and right now they are flooded from Hurricane Florence. He hasn’t responded to me since I sent him an email, and I’m pretty sure he won’t have internet until they can get things working again. I pretty much have to be patient, but it’s real hard being patient when I HAVE A BROTHER out there in the world. I’m excited, and real worried about him even though I didn’t even know he existed until a few days ago.

My whole life I’ve felt like I had a brother out there in the world. I always felt like there was a piece of me that was missing, and for the longest time I thought it was because I never knew my paternal father, and as I aged and couldn’t find him, I knew I might never find him. And now I think that the other part of me that is missing isn’t just my father, it’s also my brother.

Have you ever felt so happy and so sad at the same time? I want to cry for joy that I think I have finally learned who my father was and I want to cry for joy knowing I might have a brother, but I also want to sad cry because I still don’t have the correct answers. The person I think is my father HAS to be my father, but I don’t know for sure until my brother contacts me and let’s me know if the picture I sent him is indeed also his father, then I will know for sure, and I will know if my father is alive or not. It’s all this not knowing that is causing me to be sad. Have you ever felt that? Is it just me?

I’m really frustrated right now. My stomach is in knots.

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