Invasive Questions About Homosexuality

Interogation

I had to come out of the closet at age 17 because my  mother confronted me about it.  I wasn’t ready to come out, but apparently she was ready for me to come out.  She treated me like dirt, lower than dirt, like pond scum, no, lower than pond scum.  The disgust she had in her facial expression made me feel guilty for being gay, but I knew it wasn’t my fault because I never chose to be gay.  But that wasn’t the only time I ever had to go through that.  I had to come out to every family member.  Some of them were more accepting while others were just as disgusted as my mother was.

It is one thing to come out of the closet to your family, but why do I have to come out of the closet to every person I come into contact with?  Why is it that when I go to a doctor’s appointment and I bring up my health concerns, like my HIV, why is it that my sexuality comes into question?  I recently went to a cardiologist because I need surgery to remove my parotid gland, but in order to do that, I have to have some tests done.  So when the cardiologist read that I was HIV+ he asked me how I became HIV+, so I told him.  His response was “Oh so you’re a homosexual.”  WOW!  Yeah I’m a homosexual, so what?  What the hell does that have to do with what I am here for today?  In what world does that have to come into conversation or into question?  I am gay, not my heart and/or my blood.

A couple of weeks later I had to go back to run on a treadmill and the woman who was doing the test was making conversation.  She asked me if I had any children and all I could think was here we go again.  I responded with no.  Then she asked if I had a wife and again, I said no.  She asked if I had a girlfriend and again, I said no.  She looked at me like you are a 43 year old man without a girlfriend or wife or any children, how can that be?  I told her that I was in a domestic partnership and she asked me what that meant, and I said I was gay.

Okay first of all, she’s there to give me a test.  Her job is to put stickers on my chest with wires and then stand there at the computer pushing buttons while I’m running on the treadmill.  Why is she asking me these questions?  I know that she’s just trying to make conversation, but it made me very uncomfortable.  It’s like people make me feel bad for being gay, like I should apologize to them for being the way I am.  I should never feel bad for being gay.  It’s how I am, how I’ve always been and how I will always be and that is none of anyone’s business but my own.

After she asked me those questions, she asked me if I’ve ever been with a female and I said yes, I tried to “change” because my parents and sister and then brother-in-law were making me feel bad about being gay and constantly telling me that I was going to hell if I didn’t change.  So yes, I slept with a girl, twice.  I hated every minute of it.

I have a story about my uncle, who by the way I looked up to as a child.  He was my hero.  He hung the moon.  When I went to my aunts house when I was homeless and about to start living in a homeless shelter because my mother kicked me out of the house, my aunt called my uncle (her brother) on the phone and made me talk to him.  I was shocked and bothered by his invasive questions.  After he accused me of horrible atrocities against my parents, like beating the crap out of my step-dad which never happened, and then running away from home, he asked “How can you take it up the ass?”  My sister’s ex-husband grilled me with those same questions.  “How can you take it up the ass?”  This coming from the guy who was using the back door on my sister, and the only way I know that is because they told me, multiple times, like they were bragging about it to me.  Why the hell would I want to know that?  They both bragged to me about what a massive dick he had.  Why do I need to know that?  Which begs another question, why is it okay for them to tell me in full detail about their sex life, but if I even mentioned being gay, I was shoving my sexuality down their throats?

I don’t think that it is appropriate for people to constantly ask me these invasive questions about my sexuality.  I don’t go around asking people about their sex life, so why is it that I am shamed and made to feel guilty every time someone asks me about mine despite the fact that it has absolutely no connection to why I am seeing them, like at the cardiologist office for example.

I know that people have questions and the only way to make “them” feel comfortable with gay people is to just respond to their questions to educate them, but why am I responsible for that education?  Why can’t they just buy a book?  Here is one called 101 Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality.

Look, I am okay with non-invasive, non-sexual questions.  If someone wants to know something, fine, but don’t make me feel guilty about it.  The male doctor made me feel really bad when he said “Oh so you’re a homosexual.”  The woman who did my treadmill test, well she seemed a bit more accepting and didn’t really make me feel bad, but I still didn’t feel too comfortable.

One of the questions that she asked was when I knew I was gay and that is a question that a lot of people ask.  My response was this and it will always be this.  When I was about 3 or 4, I knew I was different, like in a sexual way.  In other words, I knew I wasn’t straight.  I had never seen a same-sex couple, so naturally I thought I was the only person on the planet who had feelings for someone of the same sex.  I thought there was something wrong with me which is why I kept it to myself.  When I was in the 2nd grade I had a crush on a boy in my class named Adam who lived nearby and we played together.  I had such a huge crush on him that I was dreaming about him.  It wasn’t just a dream like we’re playing in the sandbox or playing on our bikes, they were, you know… boyfriend dreams.  He was my first crush and you almost always dream about your first crush.  So that is a question I don’t mind answering because it tells people that I knew I was gay at a very young age.

Some people think that people who were abused as children become gay.  I don’t think that is true.  I was abused, but that had nothing to do with me being gay.  I mean, why would I be attracted to someone of the same gender if I am being abused by someone of the same gender?  That makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.  I’ve known straight men who were abused by their fathers, and they never became gay.  So there is no logic in that.

Some people think that being gay is a choice and I can say with certainty that it is not a choice.  Who would choose to have people call them negative names like faggot or choose to get beat up in school for being gay?  Who would choose to be an outcast?  Who in their right mind would ever choose to be different if they knew it was going to make their life a living hell?  Nobody, that’s who.  You choose to be a vegan, you choose to drive a motorcycle as opposed to a car, you choose to wear velcro shoes, you choose your career.  You don’t choose which sexual organ you are attracted to, and you do not choose the sex of the person you are going to fall in love with.  I mean if straight people think being gay is a choice, let me ask this.  When did you choose to be straight?

I believe I was born gay.  If straight people believe they were born straight, then why do they think that I chose to be gay?  Being gay isn’t a choice, but being an asshole is.

Read this article, it tells a lot about sex organs and sexual orientation and when it happens and why.

I am all for educating people, but I don’t feel like I should be obligated to educate everyone on the planet about my sexuality.  I mean, I don’t go around asking straight people invasive questions, so why do I have to put up with it?  If someone wants to know why someone is gay, ask themselves why they are straight.  It’s the same thing.  You are straight because well, that’s just the way you are.  That’s just the way gay people are too.  I’ve been asked how I can take it up the ass, well let me ask how a straight woman can take it up the ass and how can a straight man do it in the ass to a woman?  Why is that such a hard question to ask when straight people do it in the ass all the time?  And why are straight people so obsessed with taking it up the ass?  Straight people are more obsessed with taking it up the ass than gay people are.  I mean seriously dudes, just buy a dildo and get it over with.

I am not Dr. Ruth, so don’t interrogate me about my sexuality and don’t put my sexuality into question.  Educate yourselves on your own time.

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Out Singer-Songwriter Justin Utley Released 2nd Studio Album ‘Nothing This Real’ 11/11/11

I believe that music touches the heart and soul.  Music inspires creativity and broadens our minds so that we can be great people.  Music derives from a Greek word “Mousike” which means “art of the muses” so it’s no wonder why it gives us inspiration.  Music has always been a part of my life.  When I was a teenager I listened to music all day long to drown out the real world, I guess that is where my creativity came from.

Every year before Spring begins, I seek out new music to add to my mp3 player so that I can listen to something that will get me through my 2 1/2 hour bike rides.  Today I got to listen to an openly-gay country/folk singer named Justin Utley.  He is a New York City based singer-songwriter and he released his first full-length studio album in 6 years entitled “Nothing This Real’ on November 11th.  I really enjoyed listening to his album because I love his voice and his singing style.  He isn’t bad to look at either.

I don’t know what it is about his music but it’s soothing to listen to.  Every song tells a story and every song I listened to I was able to relate to in one way or another.  I guess that is why I know I’m going to love listening to him.  I believe that he has a true “It Gets Better” story.  I found this information about him.

“An Ex-Mormon raised near Salt Lake City, Utah, Utley is perhaps the only openly gay performing artist to have survived ex-gay therapy, a practice that he vocally opposes. His experience coming to terms with his sexuality and religion have emerged as strong themes in his songwriting and on-stage storytelling.

“I’ve been asked if I could take any of it back, you know, what I’ve experienced.  I wouldn’t,” says Utley.  “Its part of me, my story, and its been a hell of a journey.  And I’m here to share that.”

I was a member of the Mormon church when I was a baby and again when I was a teenager.  I wasn’t as involved in the church as he was, but I believe that if we were more involved I probably would have been.

This is actually something that I have come to terms with in my life as well.  I wouldn’t take any of it back because it is what made me who I am today.  Intolerance towards me instilled my ability to be more tolerant towards others.  I was taught hate, but it ended up teaching me the opposite.  It seems like he has the same attitude.  It made him a strong person and that is what I like about him.  When you know an artists story, it makes you connect with them on a deeper level.

“Released in 2005, Utley’s first album Runaway received critical acclaim from audiences and critics in the LGBT community and created a dedicated online following.

“The lead single has been announced as Great Escape and was premiered by New York publication Next Magazine on their website on November 1st. It debuted on Sirius-XM’s OutQ radio channel following Utley’s interview with the Six Pack show on November 2nd. A music video for the single is scheduled for production in early 2012.”

It is too bad that I didn’t know about him back in 2005, but I’m glad to know him now.  Better late than never eh?

His single “Stand for Something” won the 2011 award for Outstanding Country/Folk song of the year by the LGBT Academy of recording arts.  That’s something to be proud of.  He has also acted; he played the lead role of Tommy Dautry in the New York musical “Our Country” which I also didn’t know since I live in Bakersfield.  He also won best actor at the Planet Connections theater festival in 2010.  That is something to really be proud of.

His latest album was released on 11/11/11 and is available for purchase on iTunes, Amazon as well as his website and Facebook.

For more information including booking and interview requests, contact Dan Maierle – dmaierle@gmail.com.

Justin Utley is someone who I am going to be paying serious attention to.  I will definitely be buying his music to add to my mp3 player.

‘Meet Justin Utley’ EPK Video:

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm4kc6zmfwI

In Your Face!

You know how some people are homophobic but they don’t throw it in your face but you know they are because they give you a disapproving glare or they make snarky comments when referring to your sexuality?  Well, I have one particular family member who is sort of like that.  The whole gay issue is never brought up, like it’s so shameful that we just don’t talk about it out of fear that it will tear our relationship apart because of differing opinions or something.

I was talking with said family member on the phone today who was the only family member by the way who ever calls me on my birthday and she was 6 days late calling me.  But the subject of Chips deceased cousins relationship came up and she asked how long they were together and I said 27 years.  “Wow, how long have you guys been together” she asks which I respond 17 years. “WOW!”

I get no gratification for throwing it in her face that I am in a long-term relationship but when you tell a person like her who is against gay relationships that you have been together for 17 years and they have a “WOW” response, it makes you feel good.  Like “IN YOUR FACE” or something.  Not a mean in your face but you know.

I would say that I am the black sheep to half of my family because of my sexuality which if you think about it is such a stupid reason to be the black sheep.  I mean, I was born this way, you don’t make me a black sheep because I was born with hazel eyes and brown hair do you?  Of course not because that is absurd.  So why make me the black sheep because of my sexuality which I have no control over just like I have no control over the fact that I have male pattern baldness.

You know what I say to society, I’m here, I’m queer, get effing used to it biatches!  I’m in a committed long-term monogamous relationship with a person with whom I love and nothing anyone says about it is going to change that.  Get over your insecurities about gay people and realize we aren’t going to change.  We do have loving normal relationships just like all of you straight people.  The only difference is that we can’t get each other pregnant, which if you think about it is more of a blessing cause who wants that?  Not me!

I am so sick of people judging me so yeah, I get a little excited when someone who doesn’t approve has a moment when they are impressed by it.  As if I was ever seeking approval, I’m not but you know what I mean.

No matter what the circumstances are, she is my family and I respect her even though she may not respect me for being gay but goddamnit, it’s my life.  Be grateful I’m happy and I’m not miserable in a relationship with a woman who I am not sexually attracted to with children who probably hate me for taking out my aggression on them for having to be stuck in that marriage just to please your homophobic ass.

That’s all I have to say. *Steps off of my soap box*

Pray the Gay Away?

Thanks to the Oprah Winfrey Network (the new OWN channel) we have some new shows to watch on TV and Our America with Lisa Ling is among one of them that I am interested in watching.

Todays episode was “Pray the Gay Away?” along with a very special primetime episode of the new Gayle King Show where they discuss the episode, take calls and talk to participants from the documentary.

I think that every gay person has their own beliefs as to why there is homosexuality. My own partner of 17 years believes that he is gay because of his parents’ failed marriage when his father came back from the Korean War in the mid 50’s. His father came home mentally traumatized and their relationship ended and his father eventually passed away. He believes that the destruction of his parents marriage and subsequent death is what turned him gay. And he has every right to have his opinion whether I or anyone else disagrees with it.

I personally believe that I was born this way because I’ve always had an attractiveness towards the same-sex since I met a cute boy named Ruben when I was 4 years old. I had dreams about him and I just knew that I liked him. There was nothing out of the ordinary that made me choose to like him, I just did.

I mean, one could argue that I may have turned gay because of the abuse I endured throughout my childhood but I didn’t know any better. I thought it was normal for parents to beat their children and call them stupid and retarded and worthless among other names. I saw the way my aunt and uncle raised their 3 kids which was basically the same or worse so that there told me, it’s normal. My cousins were treated way worse than I was and they all turned out straight and so did my sister.

So in my case I just don’t believe that my being abused the same way as 4 other people had any impact on my sexuality because I was the only gay one.

I do have other cousins from a different aunt and uncle who treated their kids like human beings and 2 of them turned out lesbian after suffering no childhood trauma. So what does that tell you? They raised 5 kids and 2 of them turned out differently despite all of them being treated with the same love.

The argument that there is no evidence of a gay gene and that it’s all taught to you, you are born straight but you turn gay from your environment is all bullcrap to me. Maybe the gay gene isn’t meant to be found, maybe we’re chosen for this life for population control or who knows, maybe something else.

This Exodus group tells people that they can change and I feel it is wrong because the only person who can change you is you. If you are gay and you are just so unhappy about it and want to put in the effort to turn straight then go for it. Don’t expect for it to work because you will always be gay no matter what they tell you. But if you are in that much pain about it and you have the will power then fine. Do what you like, it’s your body. But don’t turn around and condemn those who refuse to live a lie for the rest of their existence.

This one woman (whose name escapes me) who is a pastor and says she was a lesbian for 14 or so years but then decided to be straight, she compares homosexuality with addiction to drugs or alcohol. I can’t even begin to think what Bullcrap that is because I’ve been gay for 40 years and celibate for the last 10. I am not going through withdrawals lol. I didn’t go through withdrawals 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 2 years ago, 1 year ago or today. I am completely withdrawal free and unfortunately still sex free but that was never my choice, it was the choice of my partner who has erectile dysfunction (he’s 21 years older than I am) so I have to respect that.

Of course being a born again Christian he tells people that he is abstaining from sex not because of his “ED” but because he is a “non-practicing homosexual” so the church won’t kick him out. And hey, if that’s what you have to do then that’s what you have to do. I have no ill feelings about him for any of that.

That only thing that pissed me off throughout the whole show was that ex-lesbian woman comparing sexuality to addiction. I think that I am living proof that it was never an issue of “I gotta have it” because I don’t gotta have anything. I can certainly abstain with the help of my old childhood friend Tom Thumb and his 4 brothers.

Look if you are a born again christian and you feel that being gay means you are going to hell for it and don’t want that then change yourself because that is what you want to do. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking it’s wrong because it’s not wrong, it’s natural to want to live a happy life and for someone to tell you that you are sinning are themselves sinning for taking gods job away by acting as judge. There is a recession so let God do his job.

It’s 2011. When is racism and bigotry going to end? Is it going to be soon?

We all believe in what we all want to believe in and these opinions are what I believe in. Thank you for reading.

As for my relationship, our 17 year anniversary is in 2 1/2 weeks. Even I can’t believe it has been 17 years. I am with the person I was meant to be with whether sex is involved in the relationship or not. Sex doesn’t make a relationship, it is only a part of it and who says it even has to be any part of it after so many years? We love each other just the way we are, thin or fat, sick or healthy, till death do we part. In this life and the next as I feel I have found my true soul mate and no church can convince us otherwise.

Gay Kiss in True Blood

Last night during True Blood there was something that was probably very shocking to some viewers of the show.  Lafayette and his mothers male nurse Jesus shared a kiss in his car.  Then they went to Lafayette’s house and started to kiss before drug dealers bashed in all the windows of his brand new car that Eric bought for him as a gift.

At first I was giddy because I was happy for Lafayette for finally being able to have a boyfriend but then I started to think, that was a very risky thing for the show to do.  It’s one thing to have a gay character but then to have him flaunt it on screen might drive some of the viewers away.  I along with the entire gay community who actually watch the show were probably so thrilled to see this happen but I can just imagine all the clicking sounds of the remote control in all the anti-gay homes.

I’m sure the writers knew what they were getting into when they wrote that into the script and I applaud them for that.  However, many people out there are still very anti-gay and would probably ban watching the show henceforth.

I personally love that there is not only a gay character but he’s getting action on screen.  Good for him, good for True Blood, good for us who care to see that on our tv’s.  It shows that if straight people are bold enough to push their sexuality in our gay faces that we should be able to do the same thing and get away with it just as they have gotten away with it since the inception of television.

Unfortunately, when Jesus found out that Lafayette was a drug dealer who dealt not only Crystal Meth but also “V” (vampire blood), the date was over, he wanted to be driven back to Merlotte’s for his car so he can leave.  Oh well, it didn’t last very long.  Maybe Lafayette will get another love interest in the show in the future.

Lego Batman Nominated For Award

It’s not the kind of award.  This is a “TOADY” which means it’s the worst toy of the year.

Lego Batman nominated for award for toys inappropriate for children

Personally, I like this game.  I think that it’s a pretty cool game.  But I like all the Lego games because I liked Lego when I was a kid.  I would play for hours building stuff then taking them apart and starting over again making something else.

The claim is that it promotes violence and sexuality to children.  LMAO are you kidding me?  WHAT THE F?  Uh, ok, what about World of Warcraft?  EverQuest?  You have got to be kidding me.  There is no sexuality in Lego Batman.  You can’t play a video game without violence.  Even Pac-Man ate the ghosts and the ghosts would kill him.  Are you going to tell me that Pac-Man promotes violence towards ghosts?

I have the Lego Star Wars, Lego Indiana Jones and Lego Batman games and they are all good games and I would personally let my children play with them.  This is absolutely ridiculous that they are doing this.

One of the claims is that when this game was being advertised, McDonald’s was selling Happy Meals with a lego batman character as the toy.  So freakin what!  They are saying that this is promoting violence, sexuality and bad health.  Excuse me?  You don’t have to get soda in the happy meal, you don’t have to get fries but instead they offer apple slices.  Basically, you don’t even have to get the meal for your kid, just go to McDonald’s, buy the happy meal, eat the burger and fries and drink the little tiny soda then give your kid the toy, believe me, he/she won’t even know the difference because all they want is the toy.

McDonald’s has teamed up with Disney since the 80’s that I know of to sell Disney related toys to children in their happy meals.  I used to work there so I would know first hand.  Every time there was a Disney movie out they would make toys to go in the happy meals.  This is not new and exclusive to Lego Batman.

I say to all the people who are so worried about this… get a freakin life.  Worry about the war, about our economy.  Pick your battles.