Week 9 Weigh In Day

It has been a rough week for me, but I finally lost some weight. I decided to only do cardio and not do any muscle stuff this week because I haven’t seen any results in a couple of weeks. It gets frustrating when you are working your butt off at the gym and your weight either stays the same, or it goes up.

I only go to the gym every other day, and this week I walk on the treadmill for 1 hour with a 5 minute cool down, then take a few minute break, then get back on the treadmill for another 1 hour with a 5 minute cool down, then I use the massage bed because after 2 hours of walking, my back is killing me. But, my feet are also killing me. I have blisters on my right heel and I also have a blister on my left foot below my toes. I had those gel insoles, and they basically shredded from either my weight or from walking so much, so I had to buy new insoles and I bought the memory foam ones, and of course they flatten out and they don’t really do any good at all.

Well, more work, more exercise, more trying to resist temptation because I have a LOT more weight to lose. See you in a week with my next report lol.

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Oh Brother!

I need to talk about something. I will try to keep it short, but once I start talking, I can’t really control how much I say lol. If I really need to get something out, I have to get it out, you know?

So I think I have found my paternal father. I mean, well, I think I have found out who he was. The records on Ancestry are wrong because I found a document which tells a different story about who my father’s parents were and who he was married to when he had a son in 1968 before I was even born. So yes, I’m saying I think I have a brother out there in the world.

I found a person who matches the exact age of my brother with the same first and last name with the same spelling and the same birth date. He lives in the United States in North Carolina, and right now they are flooded from Hurricane Florence. He hasn’t responded to me since I sent him an email, and I’m pretty sure he won’t have internet until they can get things working again. I pretty much have to be patient, but it’s real hard being patient when I HAVE A BROTHER out there in the world. I’m excited, and real worried about him even though I didn’t even know he existed until a few days ago.

My whole life I’ve felt like I had a brother out there in the world. I always felt like there was a piece of me that was missing, and for the longest time I thought it was because I never knew my paternal father, and as I aged and couldn’t find him, I knew I might never find him. And now I think that the other part of me that is missing isn’t just my father, it’s also my brother.

Have you ever felt so happy and so sad at the same time? I want to cry for joy that I think I have finally learned who my father was and I want to cry for joy knowing I might have a brother, but I also want to sad cry because I still don’t have the correct answers. The person I think is my father HAS to be my father, but I don’t know for sure until my brother contacts me and let’s me know if the picture I sent him is indeed also his father, then I will know for sure, and I will know if my father is alive or not. It’s all this not knowing that is causing me to be sad. Have you ever felt that? Is it just me?

I’m really frustrated right now. My stomach is in knots.

Did I find my father?

Paternal FatherSo this is my father with his mother. This is a picture my mother gave to me after she told me that my step father wasn’t my real father when I turned 15 years old. Well, she didn’t give me the picture right away because we lived in a trailer and all our things were in storage. When we moved to Sepulveda in an actual apartment building when I was 16 and got all our things out of storage, she gave me this and another picture.

So here’s the story my mother gave me when I was 15. She told me that they were together in 1969 and he was there until a month after I was born in 1970, and then he went to West Germany because he was in the Army and he never returned. She thinks he may have been trapped over there because of the Berlin wall being up at the time. She told me his name was Ronald Shurtleff, but I had all these thoughts going through my head and was barely able to process anything, and the name is not a typical name, or at least I’d never heard it before in my life until she told me, so I had forgotten what it was. When I turned 19 I asked her for the name again so I could start my search to find my paternal father, and her response to me was “No, I’m not going to tell you because I’m afraid you WILL find him, and if you do I will want to leave your father (she was referring to my step father) was be with him (meaning my paternal father).”

I got back in touch with my Aunt Betty in 2001 and I asked her if she knew my father’s name and she told me it was Ronald Shirtliff. She didn’t remember how it was spelled, so I had to go with that. She also told me that it is possible that he didn’t even know that my mother was pregnant because he was married at the time to another woman. If I had the ability to add sounds, I would add soap opera music. She told me that he was not there when I was born, he was not there a month after I was born and that he left before she even told him she was pregnant.

This is what I have found from Ancestry.com. I’ve been searching for military records for 1969-1970 and I just could not find that name for his age. I did find a couple of people, but the birth dates were too far off to be my father. I mean, the guy in the picture does not look like a middle aged man, he would be if he were the man I found in the military records named Ronald Gilbert Shurtleff who was born in 1926. I searched for variations of his last name and even considered that perhaps his middle name was Ronald, and he went by Ronald to my mother, but I just couldn’t find him.

So someone told me that the guy in the picture above is not wearing an Army uniform, he’s wearing a ROTC uniform. He was 18 years old in 1965 and so this picture could possibly be taken when he was still in high school after a school event. I couldn’t find any military records of him. Speculation.

So… I did discover a man named Ronald Leland Shurtleff who was born in 1947, and that would have been the right time frame. Ancestry suggested to me that his parents were Stanley Shurtleff and Delores “Dee” McKenzee. I contacted someone who had added Stanley to her tree, and she told me there is actually a book on Google Books with names of descendants of William Shurtleff, and this book shows that Ronald Leland Shurtleff has a different set of parents. His actual parents are Howard Leland Shurtleff and Virginia Ilene Shuler.

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It shows he was married to a woman named Heidemarie Margarete Capellmann in Germany and they had a son named Jeffrey in 1968. Ancestry doesn’t give me any information about Howard Leland Shurtleff having a son named Ronald Leland Shurtleff. There is a record of Heidenmarie Shurtleff having a P.O. Box in NH in 1993, but that’s all I’m getting from her, and it wasn’t a leaf, I clicked her name in my tree and hit the search button and that was the only thing they had. So if she lived in New Hampshire, perhaps they moved from Germany to the U.S. when his deployment was over and my brother could possibly be in the U.S. now. I found 4 Jeffry Shurtleff’s on Facebook (Jeff and Jeffrey) and I sent them all messages asking if they are the person I’m looking for. One responded within an hour and he wasn’t the one, so it’s a waiting game now.

Look, I don’t know if I have the right people or not. I did the 23andMe test and it did come back with 1016 3rd to distant cousins, no siblings and no parents. It has now grown to 1021 cousins, but no concrete proof of who my father is or was. I decided that since I am doing all this stuff on Ancestry that I would find out if my DNA will work with them as well, so I did Ancestry DNA and they literally just got my DNA sample today, so I can look forward to a long 6-8 week wait according to them, but I’m sure it won’t take that long. So until I get the results back, all I can really do is speculate on everything.

I am hopeful that I will get answers and find someone, whether it be my paternal father or just my paternal brother. If any of these people see this blog post, please know I mean no ill intent, I am not looking for anything, I just want to know who my father is/was and if he or my brother are alive, I just want to know them. If you don’t want a relationship that’s fine, but I just need some closure. But I would like to have a relationship because I feel so lost and alone and I just need someone.

Thank you for reading.

Week 8 Weigh in Day

Well this is somewhat embarrassing and frustrating. I didn’t lose any weight this week at all. I’m still 242.0lbs. I think the reason is because I have been building too much muscle. I’m not going to make excuses, but I think that’s what happened.

Every day this week I would wake up and weigh 244 lbs, and so the last 2 times I went to the gym I decided to ONLY walk on the treadmill. Here are the logs for the last 2 times I went to the gym where I only walked on the treadmill. I normally only do 65 minutes, that’s 60 minutes with a 5 minute cooldown. On Friday I was on the treadmill and my partner came to the gym thinking I was finished because he wanted to go to Barnes & Noble next door, so I got off the treadmill early, then he didn’t want to go back home, but he also didn’t want to wait for me, so I told him to go eat lunch and come back in half an hour and I would be finished, and so I only did half an hour on the treadmill, plus cooldown lol.

So I think this week I will only walk on the treadmill for 2 hours each day instead of doing any muscle exercises because I want to see if that will really make a difference. And I’m sure people are gonna ask why I am not running or jogging, and the answer is simple. I broke my right leg below the knee 2 years ago and it still hurts. I have a metal bar running down my leg with 5 or 6 screws in there, and it hurts like you wouldn’t believe when I try to run or jog or even try to move at a pace faster than walking. In fact, I have to wear a knee brace every time I go to the gym or even if I know I’m going to be walking for a long time just because I know it’s going to hurt.

I’m just happy that I didn’t gain weight this week. That I think would be worse than if I hadn’t lost any weight at all.

I can see in my face that I am losing weight. My face and my neck seem to be a lot thinner. I don’t see it in my stomach, or my waist, but I can sure tell by the way my clothes fit. My shirts are looser and I usually wear my gym shorts everywhere, and they have a stretchy elastic waist, so I can’t really tell if my waist is getting thinner. I did wear a pair of jean shorts yesterday and they fit just fine without the need for a belt, but I wore a belt anyway.

So I guess see you in another week and I will see if the walking on the treadmill for 2 hours a day really does any good.

The images above are from the Noom Weight Loss Coach app.

Week 7 Weigh in Day

242.0

Today I’m feeling very upset with myself because I’ve been doing what I said I wouldn’t do. I’ve been saying yes, when I should have been saying no. Saying no to things like ice cream and cookies will help me lose weight, saying yes to those things will help me gain weight. It’s ok to have a cheat day once in awhile, like maybe once a month, I’m not saying I can’t have 1 cheat day, but it seems like I’ve had several cheat days this week, and that’s bad.

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Yesterday I worked extra hard at the gym so I could burn off all the ice cream and cookies that I ate the previous few days, but apparently that didn’t do much good, or maybe it did just enough good that it prevented me from gaining weight. I mean, it could be worse, I could have stepped on the scale and it could have said 244. I normally only walk on the treadmill for 1 hour (that extra 5 minutes is cool down) and yesterday I decided to walk an extra half hour. You can see that I logged 835 calories, I could have eaten 1930 calories if I wanted to, but I didn’t want to. I think you’re supposed to eat 1200 calories to lose weight, but I was satisfied with the 3 weight watchers meals, plus I had a banana for one of my snacks.

So this week I will not have any cheat days, I will stick with my regular 3 Weight Watchers Smart Ones frozen breakfast, lunch and dinner with maybe a salad or fruit if I get hungry between meals, and I will treat the banana as a sweet treat. I might even freeze and blend it to have as a low calorie no fat ice cream treat, which is what I should be doing instead of having regular ice cream.

We will see next week if I lose any weight. I am shooting for 240.0 lbs, or less.

Reading Books

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I have so far read 2 out of 7 books that I chose for the Goodreads 2018 reading challenge, and my brain seems exhausted after only 2 books lol. I think because I didn’t give myself any time between books to properly absorb what I had read, or perhaps it’s like when you are going to the gym every day and your muscles aren’t used to the constant abuse of the machines that they start cramping up randomly for no apparent reason. Does that make sense?

I’m on my 3rd book on page 47 which is chapter 4 and the book is called Midnight Crossroad by Charlaine Harris who also wrote all the Sookie Stackhouse novels which is where the True Blood series came from.

Today I haven’t read anything, and it’s 1pm and I’m already falling asleep from exhaustion, and I’m wondering just how I can be so sleepy when I haven’t accomplished a thing today. All I’ve done today was basically I just woke up, ate breakfast and lunch, played video games and basically exist and that was enough to make me drowsy. Yes, I’m typing this while stuggling to keep my eyes open, so I’m going to cut this short and go take a nap.

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Week 6 Weigh In

242.2

I am very happy right now. Today is the first weigh in for September and today is September 3rd, 2018 and I lost 2.6lbs this week for a grand total of 13.2lbs since July 31st, 2018. That’s 13.2lbs in 1 month. I was happy last week that I had lost 10.6lbs for August, but now that number has gone up.

What’s funny is the weight loss had slowed down, or it seemed it did, and I think the reason is I wasn’t eating the Weight Watchers breakfast every day this week, I was eating Malt-O-Meal, Oatmeal or Cream of Wheat and the weight loss seemed to stop for those days. I think it didn’t help that I was putting butter and sugar in my breakfast. Yeah, I think that was probably not such a good idea.

When I found that Albertson’s had their Weight Watchers Smart Ones on sale, I bought a bunch of breakfast meals. This week they had their Fab 5 sale, and Weight Watchers Smart Ones was $1.79 each if you buy 5, and I bought 2 weeks worth. I basically filled the freezer with Weight Watchers Smart Ones, so I think today I’m going to go back there and buy 5 more breakfast meals after I eat lunch to make room for them. We literally don’t have any room for anything lol. Then when I start running out of lunch and dinner, I’ll go to Target and buy more there where they are normally $2.06 each.

Anyhoo, I’m happy the weight is finally coming off. I will be back in a week with my next update.