I was diagnosed with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome a few years ago after crocheting for 20 years.  I didn’t crochet every day, but the last few years that I was able to crochet, let’s just say I crocheted a lot and it ruined my hands.  Although I cannot say if that is what ruined my hands, but when I crochet, I get numbness in both hands and my right hand gets pinching in the palm.

I haven’t crocheted for several years because when I was diagnosed with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, I decided I would stop crocheting to give my hands time to rest and heal so that some day I might be able to crochet again.  That some day has come and I still can’t crochet.

Last week I gave away all of my yarn to someone who needs it more than I do.  I decided that I didn’t want to part with everything, so I kept the Christmas Ombre yarn which is a color that has not been made in at least 12 years that I know of, but I’m sure it hasn’t been made in more than 12 or 15 years.  I have held onto this yarn because I have wanted to make a Christmas blanket and had hoped that I could, but I just don’t see that happening.

Last night I decided that I was going to make one granny square.  I crocheted the chain, then did a slip stitch and began making a cluster and both of my hands went numb right away and I started to feel the pinching in my right palm.  I thought, screw that, I’m going to make this square if it’s the last thing I do, but I couldn’t do it.  I did make 3 rounds, but had to undo the whole thing because I decided against clusters, I wanted to make the clusters 3 double crochet stitches instead, but I couldn’t do it because of my hands.  It is sitting on my desk with the 8 chain round and 3 chain and 2 double crochets to make the first cluster, that’s it.

Why does it have to be this way?  I have been good, I haven’t been a bad person, why can’t I make a simple granny square?  Is it too much to ask?  I just want to make a simple blanket, why can’t I do it?  I feel like my skill has been amputated and that I am useless, not that I was very useful before, but I’m even less useful now.

Here I can sit typing out a post that is at count 411 words, but I can’t crochet one simple square.  It isn’t fair!  Why is it that my carpal tunnel syndrome doesn’t apply to typing?  Not that I want that to be taken away from me too, but why is it I can do one thing with my hands, but not the other?  I don’t get it.

Ok, whatever, I am going to make this blanket.  I can suffer the pain enough to do one simple square every day until I have all of the squares that are needed to make a blanket.  Every time I complete a square, I can sew it to the one I did the day before, this way there won’t just be a ton of squares with no purpose.  I think I can certainly accomplish that… right?

So this is my new project, wish me luck!  I’m gonna need it lol.