Invasive Questions About Homosexuality

Interogation

I had to come out of the closet at age 17 because my  mother confronted me about it.  I wasn’t ready to come out, but apparently she was ready for me to come out.  She treated me like dirt, lower than dirt, like pond scum, no, lower than pond scum.  The disgust she had in her facial expression made me feel guilty for being gay, but I knew it wasn’t my fault because I never chose to be gay.  But that wasn’t the only time I ever had to go through that.  I had to come out to every family member.  Some of them were more accepting while others were just as disgusted as my mother was.

It is one thing to come out of the closet to your family, but why do I have to come out of the closet to every person I come into contact with?  Why is it that when I go to a doctor’s appointment and I bring up my health concerns, like my HIV, why is it that my sexuality comes into question?  I recently went to a cardiologist because I need surgery to remove my parotid gland, but in order to do that, I have to have some tests done.  So when the cardiologist read that I was HIV+ he asked me how I became HIV+, so I told him.  His response was “Oh so you’re a homosexual.”  WOW!  Yeah I’m a homosexual, so what?  What the hell does that have to do with what I am here for today?  In what world does that have to come into conversation or into question?  I am gay, not my heart and/or my blood.

A couple of weeks later I had to go back to run on a treadmill and the woman who was doing the test was making conversation.  She asked me if I had any children and all I could think was here we go again.  I responded with no.  Then she asked if I had a wife and again, I said no.  She asked if I had a girlfriend and again, I said no.  She looked at me like you are a 43 year old man without a girlfriend or wife or any children, how can that be?  I told her that I was in a domestic partnership and she asked me what that meant, and I said I was gay.

Okay first of all, she’s there to give me a test.  Her job is to put stickers on my chest with wires and then stand there at the computer pushing buttons while I’m running on the treadmill.  Why is she asking me these questions?  I know that she’s just trying to make conversation, but it made me very uncomfortable.  It’s like people make me feel bad for being gay, like I should apologize to them for being the way I am.  I should never feel bad for being gay.  It’s how I am, how I’ve always been and how I will always be and that is none of anyone’s business but my own.

After she asked me those questions, she asked me if I’ve ever been with a female and I said yes, I tried to “change” because my parents and sister and then brother-in-law were making me feel bad about being gay and constantly telling me that I was going to hell if I didn’t change.  So yes, I slept with a girl, twice.  I hated every minute of it.

I have a story about my uncle, who by the way I looked up to as a child.  He was my hero.  He hung the moon.  When I went to my aunts house when I was homeless and about to start living in a homeless shelter because my mother kicked me out of the house, my aunt called my uncle (her brother) on the phone and made me talk to him.  I was shocked and bothered by his invasive questions.  After he accused me of horrible atrocities against my parents, like beating the crap out of my step-dad which never happened, and then running away from home, he asked “How can you take it up the ass?”  My sister’s ex-husband grilled me with those same questions.  “How can you take it up the ass?”  This coming from the guy who was using the back door on my sister, and the only way I know that is because they told me, multiple times, like they were bragging about it to me.  Why the hell would I want to know that?  They both bragged to me about what a massive dick he had.  Why do I need to know that?  Which begs another question, why is it okay for them to tell me in full detail about their sex life, but if I even mentioned being gay, I was shoving my sexuality down their throats?

I don’t think that it is appropriate for people to constantly ask me these invasive questions about my sexuality.  I don’t go around asking people about their sex life, so why is it that I am shamed and made to feel guilty every time someone asks me about mine despite the fact that it has absolutely no connection to why I am seeing them, like at the cardiologist office for example.

I know that people have questions and the only way to make “them” feel comfortable with gay people is to just respond to their questions to educate them, but why am I responsible for that education?  Why can’t they just buy a book?  Here is one called 101 Frequently Asked Questions About Homosexuality.

Look, I am okay with non-invasive, non-sexual questions.  If someone wants to know something, fine, but don’t make me feel guilty about it.  The male doctor made me feel really bad when he said “Oh so you’re a homosexual.”  The woman who did my treadmill test, well she seemed a bit more accepting and didn’t really make me feel bad, but I still didn’t feel too comfortable.

One of the questions that she asked was when I knew I was gay and that is a question that a lot of people ask.  My response was this and it will always be this.  When I was about 3 or 4, I knew I was different, like in a sexual way.  In other words, I knew I wasn’t straight.  I had never seen a same-sex couple, so naturally I thought I was the only person on the planet who had feelings for someone of the same sex.  I thought there was something wrong with me which is why I kept it to myself.  When I was in the 2nd grade I had a crush on a boy in my class named Adam who lived nearby and we played together.  I had such a huge crush on him that I was dreaming about him.  It wasn’t just a dream like we’re playing in the sandbox or playing on our bikes, they were, you know… boyfriend dreams.  He was my first crush and you almost always dream about your first crush.  So that is a question I don’t mind answering because it tells people that I knew I was gay at a very young age.

Some people think that people who were abused as children become gay.  I don’t think that is true.  I was abused, but that had nothing to do with me being gay.  I mean, why would I be attracted to someone of the same gender if I am being abused by someone of the same gender?  That makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.  I’ve known straight men who were abused by their fathers, and they never became gay.  So there is no logic in that.

Some people think that being gay is a choice and I can say with certainty that it is not a choice.  Who would choose to have people call them negative names like faggot or choose to get beat up in school for being gay?  Who would choose to be an outcast?  Who in their right mind would ever choose to be different if they knew it was going to make their life a living hell?  Nobody, that’s who.  You choose to be a vegan, you choose to drive a motorcycle as opposed to a car, you choose to wear velcro shoes, you choose your career.  You don’t choose which sexual organ you are attracted to, and you do not choose the sex of the person you are going to fall in love with.  I mean if straight people think being gay is a choice, let me ask this.  When did you choose to be straight?

I believe I was born gay.  If straight people believe they were born straight, then why do they think that I chose to be gay?  Being gay isn’t a choice, but being an asshole is.

Read this article, it tells a lot about sex organs and sexual orientation and when it happens and why.

I am all for educating people, but I don’t feel like I should be obligated to educate everyone on the planet about my sexuality.  I mean, I don’t go around asking straight people invasive questions, so why do I have to put up with it?  If someone wants to know why someone is gay, ask themselves why they are straight.  It’s the same thing.  You are straight because well, that’s just the way you are.  That’s just the way gay people are too.  I’ve been asked how I can take it up the ass, well let me ask how a straight woman can take it up the ass and how can a straight man do it in the ass to a woman?  Why is that such a hard question to ask when straight people do it in the ass all the time?  And why are straight people so obsessed with taking it up the ass?  Straight people are more obsessed with taking it up the ass than gay people are.  I mean seriously dudes, just buy a dildo and get it over with.

I am not Dr. Ruth, so don’t interrogate me about my sexuality and don’t put my sexuality into question.  Educate yourselves on your own time.

Writing on and putting up walls

brick wall

I think as a human being we all have the right to our own happiness, right?  I mean, it’s what I would love to believe.  So when I write something silly or even stupid on my Facebook wall, blog and/or Twitter, I’d like to think that I shouldn’t get criticized or yelled at for sharing random personal information about myself.

When people start talking down to me and I have never even said boo to them, I build walls in my head and they usually never come down.  I like to think that I give people enough chances before I put up this wall.  After 42 years of having people treat me like dirt, the amount of chances a person gets goes down.  You have heard of the three strikes law right?  Well, I used to give people 3 chances.  But then I’ve heard the saying “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.”  So screw 3 strikes, if you are rude to me a second time then that’s it, I’m done.  And believe me, when I say to you “I’m done” at the end of an argument, that means I’m finished with you.  I may not unfriend you, but I will remove you from any streams so I can’t see what you are saying and I will restrict you from seeing what I say in the future, that way I don’t give you any chances to be rude to me.

Why is it that people are always rude to me though?  I never say or do anything bad to anyone.  I’m never rude or belligerent with people on purpose.  I don’t tell people how to live their lives, so why do people do that to me?  I don’t get it.  This is my life, I pay the rent, I pay the bills, I buy the groceries, I am who is responsible for my life, not other people, so why do they feel the need to criticize me when I say something that is meaningless to them?  I never talk down to people because who the heck am I to do that to them?  So who the heck are people to talk down to me?  Screw them!  Who needs them anyway?

I have built so many walls that if I were building a house, I would have at least 1 floor of a 2 bedroom house completed.  I’m not joking either.  It sucks that I have to live this way.

I am just venting… sorry you had to see that.

Plumbing Troubles

About 2 months ago, I was in the back yard trying to get it cleaned up so we could use it this summer.  I had big plans for pulling all the weeds, tossing all of the junk and pruning the orange tree so it wasn’t taking over the place but still have it so we could continue to enjoy the oranges year after year.

One day as I was out there with my ho… er um I mean my hoe, you know, a gardening tool… anyway, I was pulling weeds with the hoe and I ran into a snag.  The dirt underneath the weed was soaking wet which made it virtually impossible to pull on the roots of the weed because I was pulling huge chunks of earth instead.

Darrin called a plumber to look at the leaky pipe.  He came and he did something which seemed to have stopped the leak for a day or 2 so he called the plumber and said never mind, I don’t know what you did but it stopped leaking.  He spoke too soon.

A month later I noticed that the water was leaking in a 2nd spot.  I thought it was coming from the original leak, I was almost sure of it too.  I could see in my head that the water had eroded the earth under the cement over time and was making it leak out in that other spot.  But, I’m no plumber so I can’t really diagnose the problem in my head lol.

Darrin told me that he was going to get the plumber in here last week but he forgot to call him to make the appointment until the day before and naturally you can’t expect him to just cancel his appointments so we had to wait another week.  He came yesterday with his son, they were here for about 7 hours.

He dug out the sidewalk and all the dirt, found the problem and fixed it.  Turn the water main back on and that second place is still leaking.  So turn the main back off and destroy our patio floor to find that leak.  He thought that it was coming from another place on the other side but he was wrong.  He was able to patch it and they turned the main back on and another leak comes and he patches that too.

Turn the water back on and everything is good.  No leaks anywhere WHEW!  Our back yard is really bad though, now we need to have new cement poured to fill in the places that there is no concrete floor.  Either that or an area rug.  Or we can put plants in those spots lol.

It sucks having all of these open spots but it really sucks having a leak so I think I will settle for not having cement over a leak any day.  I’m going to be fixing up the back yard over the next few months to get it looking good now that everything is back to normal, somewhat.  Eventually we will have that all patched up with new cement before we have any visitors to have a BBQ.

So, my project went away but now it’s back.  YAY!

Sonic Scrubber

I am fascinated by all of the “As Seen on TV” products because they all look like they are good products that will help people, especially people who have arthritis or carpal tunnel syndrome which I have.

I’ve wanted to buy this for such a long time because I hate to scrub grout and having to scrub with a regular bristle brush hurts my wrists, pinches my palms and hurts my shoulder as well.  I’ve been afraid to buy it because I’ve bought a few as seen on tv things and not all of them work out with the exception of the one touch can opener which is really good for my condition.

I saw this Sonic Scrubber at Christmas time at the Walgreens but didn’t get it because I didn’t have the money.  Well, I decided today that I would go see if they still had it because I really need to clean the grout in the shower because we have guests coming next month and I don’t want to have to scrub.  So I bought it and it really works.

I opened the glass shower door and with the Scrubbing Bubbles Extend-A-Clean Power Sprayer I sprayed the tiles where you step into the shower, it was really bad.  I gave the scrubbing bubbles some time to work and then I came back in and started scrubbing and within seconds the dirt started coming out of the grout.  That would’ve taken me forever with the regular scrub brush which is why it has gotten as bad as it is, it is too painful for me to clean so I can’t clean it and now I can.

I bought the Sonic Scrubber as well as the attachments because I figured I might as well get them while they had them.  The one I bought isn’t yellow and black like the image above, it is orange and blue, attachments are the same color combo so it all matches lol.  Also when I went to look at their website it shows me that it’s now owned by Scrubbing Bubbles – SC Johnson & Son.  This must be from when they first came out because the packaging has no mention of Scrubbing Bubbles or SC Johnson and the date on it is 2007.

This product is great and I highly recommend it if you have bad hands and can’t clean with as much elbow grease as you used to when you were younger.

Busy Day For Me

I hadn’t planned on doing anything today, just resting my legs for tomorrows bike ride but then something came up.

Our new tenants are moving in tomorrow and there isn’t very much that Darrin can do over at the little house because of his job.  So, he had me go to buy some keys for the new tenants, 2 copies of 4 keys.  That’s fine, I was going to take the bus but I decided to ride my bike instead so I got some exercise in today.

But then he dropped the bomb on me.  Our shed is filled with boxes and furniture.  Well, the new tenants want to use the Shed and Darrin told me that he told them that we have our stuff in it.  I told him in all fairness that shed does belong to that rental so they should be able to use it.  Me and my big mouth.

So, today (right after I click the publish button) I gotta go put our stuff from the patio inside the house then hose the patio and hose our back yard too because our lovely neighbor blew all of our dead leaves from our grapefruit tree all over the place to make a big giant pile for me to shovel into the green cans.  I guess I appreciate it but I would’ve liked it if he didn’t get all the dust and dirt all over my back yard.  Anyway, off topic hehe.  I have to hose our patio and back yard.

While the patio and back yard are both drying I gotta move a piece of furniture from the living room to the bedroom (it’s a dresser and there was a dresser taken out of the bedroom so this is just going to be put in its place.  Then I gotta start carrying the boxes from the shed to our patio which is the space between the house and the garage.

Once all the boxes and furniture is in our patio then I gotta start pulling the stuff out of the garage and going through boxes to see if we need any of that stuff then start stacking boxes from the shed in the garage with our other boxes.  UGH!

I just ate a Tigers Milk energy bar so that should give me a little bit of energy.  Plus I got some coffee already brewed and waiting for me.  I’m taking this time to blog to rest my legs from that bike ride to the mall and back before I start this BS mission lol.

Hook Worms

Well we just came home from the vet at PetSmart.  Our poor defenseless toy chihuahua has hook worms in her.  Poor baby.

The bill was $235.02 YIKES!  But, I guess it’s worth it.  That wasn’t for the medicine though.  The medicine was only $14.  The rest was for all the tests and just to walk in the front door.

Apparently these hook worms live in the dirt and a dog can be walking around in the dirt or even laying in the dirt sunning themselves and the hook worms latch on to the feet and then the dog comes in the house and licks her feet and then the worm gets swallowed.  They drink the dogs blood inside of their intestines.

Here is the link for Hookworms at the Mar Vista Animal Medical Center website.  The medicine that they gave us is called Panacur.  It’s a cheap medicine but it works.

I hate knowing that my dog got this.  I’m going to have to clean out the back yard and just take Flower outside in the front yard with the harness and leash and pick up her poop with a plastic bag for now.  I don’t want her to be in the back yard by herself until I can get out there and clean it up.  I wonder if there is a spray that we can spray on the dirt that will kill all life in the dirt.

I’m also going to have to give her a bath and wipe her paws every time I bring her back inside the house so she doesn’t lick anything that she might have picked up.

Reorganizing Music Again

It wasn’t that long ago, like a week or 2 ago, that I had to download all the cd’s from my Dell DJ mp3 player to my computer then fix all the tags then put them back on my DJ but when I did that I didn’t count on the fact that their file names had something to do with anything.  For example.  If a song says 01 Politik instead of Coldplay – A Rush of Blood To The Head – 01 – Politik then when I go to make a playlist I’m not going to know who the artist is or even which CD that song is from.

Yes, I am really anal about things like that lol.  I don’t know why, I just am.  But it’s not for no reason.  When I ride my bike sometimes there are songs that are way too loud or they don’t have any sound at all then I have to pull over in the dirt on the bike trail, pull the remote control out of the bike frame bag and push the next button.  I don’t want to have to do that because it slows me down and brings my average speed time down too.  It’s also annoying to be riding happily then all of a sudden a song blares into your ears and then they start to bleed lol.  Or you don’t hear anything for a minute before realizing you aren’t going to but the song is playing.  I don’t really understand how that song got put in there.  Also there is 1 song that is in there twice from Uncle Kracker.  I don’t know how that happened.

So, I’m downloading the music to my computer and I will reorganize the names and write down what is going into the playlist and look at each song with a microscope to make sure my ride is full of good music and not annoying music.

Actually, I’d also like to just add the popular songs from certain CD’s, the ones that made it to the radio, this way I can cut down on the amount of songs in my playlist which is typically between 550 and 600.  It’s not going to be easy to weed through them all though, it will take hours, possibly days.  Well, at least I have something to do lol.