Gnats Gnot Gnice!

Several times per week I wake up at 4:30am and leave the house at 5am to go bike riding for exercise.  I took this picture at sunrise this morning because I wanted to show off how cool the moon looked with the sun shining on it.  Unfortunately my cell phone takes crappy pictures.  I took 3 and this one was the best one.

But that’s not the reason for this post.  I love riding almost 23 miles every time I ride but the one thing that I do not like are the gnats.

Sometimes I will run into these little buggers.  They are so gross lol.  I can’t see them until they are coming towards my face and sometimes I can’t see them at all and I have no time to duck my head to the side to avoid them.  Occasionally I’ll get a straggler that’s flying solo that just flies into my mouth as I’m singing, and you know if you are on the bike trail by yourself with headphones on it’s pretty difficult to not sing.  Imagine singing an Alanis Morissette song “It’s like RAAAAYYYYAAAAYYYYAAAAIIIIN” where you practically have to unhinge your jaw to sing that one part.  A ton of gnats gets in then.

One thing these disgusting little things do is when they do run into my face, arm hair or chest, they latch on and go for the ride.  When I get to a point where I usually stop to take a break they let go and swarm me.  So one thing I like to do is stop maybe 20 feet or so from the place I like to take a break at so they will let go then take off so they can’t follow me.  Although some do catch up with me but not all of them.

During my breaks I like to take off my helmet and skull cap so I can dry my head and replace it with a dry one.  My breaks aren’t spent slacking off, they are spent getting dry to continue going the way I came, back home.  If I don’t do that then the skull cap I’m wearing will start dripping in my face.  23 miles is a long way to go with a soaking wet skull cap.  Usually as I’m opening my energy bar and taking a bite is when the gnats finally catch up to me then it’s dodging gnats all the way home lol.

It’s a very strange existence.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a gnat, flying in eyeballs, noses and mouths, latching onto clothing and sitting there while I’m being taken away from my gnat family.  No, I don’t think I want to live in that world.

I don’t even want to think of any diseases they carry *shivers at the thought*

Ok my skin is crawling, I can’t think about this anymore lol.

Autobiography Research

I went looking on the Rainbow ebooks website for an autobiography and they don’t have that category so I searched in biography which is empty. So I went to the borders website to find a gay autobiography in e-book format but unfortunately there are 34,537 biographies. They have many categories so you can narrow down your search but there were none in the “gay” category so I thought…. GOOGLE!

Note: I searched Borders because I have $15 borders bucks from doing surveys with e-rewards.com and I’m tired of only being able to get $25 Game Stop cards. I was never really interested in the other rewards they offer but now that I have a Nook I figure I might as well get some ebooks out of it.

So I went to the Google search engine and typed “Autobiography of a gay person” and this is what came up.

glbtq >> literature >> Autobiography, Gay MaleIn its first century of existence, gay male autobiography has become increasingly more open, frank, and unapologetic…

Edward Carpenter’s “My Days and Dreams” was published in 1890. Like other early gay male autobiographies, the book was reticent about its author’s intimate relationships.

This is the very first autobiography of a gay person and it was published in 1890. You know what first came to mind? A book that was published in 1890 is now out of print which means… It’s FREE!

I turned my Nook on, went to the shop menu, chose e-books then typed in the name of this book and it was the 2nd thing in the list and it said it was from Google and it was free!

So now I get to do my research from a pioneer. Although, his experience is going to be totally different from mine given the fact that they were from BLOODY 1890… but still. It will help me anyway.

My Most Embarrassing Moment in History

I know that every time something embarrassing happens to me I always say that it is the most embarrassing moment in my life but I have to say that those don’t even compare to what happened to me today.

Ok so we went to Albertson’s this morning before Darrin dropped me off at the doctors off before he went to work.  He bought some toothpaste because we were out and he also grabbed a 1 liter bottle of flavored water for himself and 1 for me too.  So he drops me off at the doctor’s office and I go in, sign in, sit down and am watching TV and waiting patiently to be called.  Then tragedy struck.

You know when you have a room temperature bottle of sparkling water or soda or something and you unscrew the cap and it starts to fizz up so you have to open then close the lid over and over because if you don’t it explodes all over the place?  I had already done that and taken a sip or 2 out of the water.  Well, I was sitting there just watching TV and I opened the lid and all was fine, no fizzing occurred.  I put the bottle up to my mouth and it just exploded all over me.  OMG!

My whole front was completely soaking wet.  At first I thought it was a dream, I must be sleeping still at home.  I’m asleep and the people in the waiting room don’t even acknowledge my existence here.  Unfortunately, the realization came over me that I was indeed awake and there were other people in the waiting room staring at me.  The only thing that I could say was “that did not just happen to me”.

When it happened it was just so fast, so all of a sudden.  I wasn’t expecting that to happen, although I guess nobody does really.  I tried stopping it by pressing my lips around the bottle but the pressure built up in my mouth and I had to let go so I put my finger in the bottle as if I were a little dutch boy trying to stop the flow of water in the hole in a dam.

So desperately I went over to the door and started knocking on it and I heard Donna say hang on and I’m like ok, this is sort of an emergency, I need someone to please assist in my suicide lol.  So she opens the door and I walk in and she had this look on her face like OMG what happened.  I said my water exploded all over me.  She said it looks like I peed then threw up all over my shirt (as if I had a liquid lunch lol there were no chunks, just water).  I went to the bathroom and blotted as much as I could but no matter how many paper towels I used, I wouldn’t come out of it dry.

So then I went back to the door to the waiting room and said please don’t make me go back out there.  Then Jennifer comes along and sees me and I thought it would be funny to tell her “I’m really nervous today” at which point her jaw hit the ground.  She knows that I would never piss my pants and she saw the water bottle so she started laughing.  I told her my best course of action is to just pour the rest of it down the front of my shorts to even it out lol.

But luckily it started drying fast and by the time I left the doctor’s office my shorts were completely dry.  So at least I didn’t have to ride the bus with wet shorts on.  I guess this is my karma for talking trash about the Jonas Brothers the other night.  But in my defense I did delete it before anyone could see what a jerk I was.  Then again I’m sure a few people saw it in the 2 minutes it took me to decide to delete it, but I doubt it.

Everyone’s a Critic

I have my own taste in what I watch on TV.  But what I hate is when people tell me stuff like “don’t waste your time on that show” or “OMG that is so lame, you are such a pussy for watching that”.  You know what.  Screw that.  I don’t give a crap what people have to tell me about how they feel about the shows I like.  I don’t go around telling people that they shouldn’t be watching the stuff they watch.  Jeez dude, mind your own business.

I’ll give you an example.  OK, I like shows like Buffy and Charmed but a lot of people will say that those shows are targeted for girls.  No they’re not!  They are targeted to anyone who likes that world.  I just so happen to be that type of person.  I don’t care if it’s all men burping and farting, as long as they are casting spells and vanquishing demons or slaying vampires, that’s all I care about.

Some people will say “oh well that’s not very educational now is it?  I just watch the home decorating shows and you know, educational programming like the Discovery Channel and The Learning Channel (TLC) and the History Channel.  You know, you could be a little more educated if you stop watching those TV shows of yours”.  You know what, let me tell you something about education.  Shove your education up your pie hole =)) I watch those things too.  I watch the History channel and Discovery once in a while, if it’s interesting to me.  I don’t base my whole existence on that crap because they aren’t fantasy.  I would much rather live in the fantasy world because it’s more interesting.

Listen, I have ADD, you know what that means?  It means if I don’t give a crap about something then I’m not going to pay any attention and I’m not going to remember 1 thing you told me about any of it.  I may be sitting there, staring at the screen for an hour but I can guarantee you that I won’t hear 1 word being said.  And at the very end you can quiz me on it and I’ll tell you the same thing everyone time.  “Huh?  What?  Oh I’m sorry, I wasn’t even paying attention.”

If you ask me anything about Smallville, Supernatural, Heroes, Buffy, Charmed or any of the other many shows that I watch, I will have so much information that you will be like omg I can’t believe you remembered that but yet you can’t remember anything that you just saw in the last hour that I made you watch on the History channel.

Sorry, it’s how I roll.