Week 35

week 35 collage

I am absolutely freaking out that I can’t seem to lose weight anymore, and instead of maintaining my weight, I am actually gaining.  I have no excuses so I’m not going to say that it’s because of my back pain, which turns out to be scoliosis, because I got my bike back and haven’t been riding it.  I have no excuse for not riding it.

So why haven’t I been riding my bicycle and why have I been gaining weight you ask?  Well, I’m not going to blame anyone because I am in control of what I eat and what I do, or don’t do.  I would like to say that because I haven’t been able to afford the Smart Ones meals every week that that is why I haven’t been able to lose weight, but that’s no excuse.  Although I have been eating, or trying to eat healthy fruits and vegetables, I have also been eating the Banquet dinners which are a lot cheaper than the Michelina’s.  One of the Banquet meals was green in the Noom app, but all the rest have been either yellow or red.  But you can’t say I haven’t tried eating healthy because I have been eating 1 1/2 to 2 cups of broccoli or mixed veggies with broccoli, cauliflower and carrots before eating the Banquet or Michelina’s frozen dinners.  I have also been eating Malt-O-Meal for breakfast, which shows up as green in the Noom app.

I have been doing everything right, well, except for every time my partner buys cookies, I end up eating half of the package.  I have also been extra hungry and been snacking on more wheat thins than I’m supposed to be snacking on.  I’ve also been snacking on other things because the mad hunger seems to be back like it was before I went on my weight loss journey.  It’s hard to calm down my food cravings when I have deprived myself for so long.  Even though I know something is bad for me, I’ll want it that much more.  I could be eating much worse, trust me, but I’m doing my best to stay away from much worse.

So yeah, I am very disappointed in myself, but I got my check and printed out some coupons for the Weight Watchers Smart Ones frozen dinners and we’re going to go to Food Maxx today to buy some and more Malt-O-Meal.  I love those.  I am also going to ask my partner if he will please stop buying cookies and any other snacks, and if he does, be sure to hide them from me so I don’t see them and eat them.  I am also going to ask that he not ask me if I want to go to the Mexican restaurant or McDonald’s anymore because those are too tempting for me.  I don’t mind Subway, but even that is bad because of the bread, despite the fact that I always get the 9-grain wheat.

I have been doing exercises at Physical Therapy 3 days a week for approximately 30 minutes each day, which averages out to 177 calories burned each time, but I need to step it up with riding my bicycle.  I haven’t been riding it, and again this is no excuse, because my back and front tires keep going flat on me and I don’t know why.  I don’t understand why this keeps happening to me.  It’s frustrating to me.  I can’t pump the tires with my hand pump because it irritates my carpal tunnel syndrome, and I can’t keep wasting the Co2 cartridges to keep air in them daily.  1 tire uses more than 1 cartridge of air.  That’s why I haven’t been riding, because I hate having to pull over every time my tires go flat, and I can’t find what is causing them to go flat.  It’s frustrating as hell.

I wanted to save the money from the Etsy shop to buy a new bicycle, but nobody is buying anything and the Etsy shop is costing me more money every month than I am making in profits.  If people don’t start buying keychains and earrings, I’m going to have to close my Etsy store because I just can’t afford to keep paying the fees.  Of course, I will keep what items I have listed because I had to pay to list them, so I will keep them until they expire, but if nobody buys them before then, then I won’t relist them.  Whatever doesn’t sell will end up being Christmas presents because I don’t know what else to do with them.  Boy that sure showed me how unpopular my ideas are.

Wow I have totally gone off topic, haven’t I?  Anyway, I will try to do better with my diet.  If I can’t lose weight, then at least I’d like to maintain a healthy weight.  I’d love to maintain 190 if I can, which means I need to lose 6lbs again.  I’m hoping the Smart Ones will bring me back down.  I need to start saying no more too.  Those are my 2 goals for the next month.  Hopefully I can get back down to 190.  Hopefully…

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Another Diet

I went to the doctor’s office yesterday for my regular visit and found out how much weight I have gained. Over 20lbs.

Here’s the story for those who aren’t familiar. I was diagnosed with diabetes earlier this year when I weighed 252lbs. I went on a diet and went down to 215lbs.

Our diet wasn’t very inventive but it was good enough for me since it had protein, grains and vegetables. I had cut out all breads from our diets (mine and Chips) and my diet gave me so much energy that I was always cleaning.

One night Darrin said to me that he didn’t want to eat this anymore, you’re working too hard and it makes me feel bad. Well, I had lost 37lbs and by telling me that, he discouraged me. He started asking for pasta and for other things and next thing you know, he’s buying cookies and donuts.

I started gaining weight again and before I knew it I was losing all of my energy and becoming lazy again. Now, I’m 239 according to the doctor’s office. The doctor said 20lbs but that’s according to where it says 218 in my chart.

What happened was, I was 218 then went to the doctors then lost more weight and before my next visit I had already gone back up to 218 because of Darrin not wanting to continue the diet. Then I just kept gaining more and more weight.

So now that he has a job, he can’t tell me what I can make for him for dinner or to not clean and I’m going to tell him flat-out that he needs to just let me do what I’m gonna do to help us lose weight. I can’t keep up with this yo-yo dieting. I have to lose this weight.

I’ve already started cooking vegetables for dinner again so when Darrin comes home from work he has a balanced dinner to eat before he collapses on the couch for the evening. I’m going to get off my M&M’s binge and stop eating sugar and breads altogether again. I can do this, I know I can.

I have a feeling I will be hosting Thanksgiving this year which means I gotta get this house clean lol. In order to do that, I need to eat balanced meals to give me the energy. I just drank a Red Bull to give me the energy to mop the kitchen floor which takes all of about 10 minutes to do lol.

You know your energy levels are at 0 when you can’t even do the simplest chores such as mopping the floor. I seriously don’t know how I cleaned the bathroom and living room last week.

If I am hosting Thanksgiving this year then I have a lot of work to do to get this house up to snuff. I’m sure I can do it all by myself… UGH! I’m gonna need a LOT of Red Bull. I wish I had the money to hire a housekeeper a couple of days before they arrive to make damn sure this house is spic n span.

Hart Park Trip Postponed

I was planning on riding my bicycle all the way from China Grade Loop to Hart Park and video tape the trip as part 3 of my BikeCam series.  However, due to my shoulder injury I will have to postpone that trip.  I am very disappointed but I have to do what’s best for my body.

I haven’t been on the bicycle in weeks and it really is upsetting to me because I’m gaining weight, most of the weight I worked so hard to get rid of.  I went through weeks of plateau and frustration just to undo all of that.

I will eventually get back on the bike and I will get right back to my route and some day get all the way to Hart Park.  I just know it.