My Book is Almost Ready for Publication

I started writing my life story many years ago, but really worked hard on it in 2011.  It took me 2+ months to write it and 4 months to edit it.  I have sent it off to a few people as an advanced copy and of course mistakes were found.  So it is not yet ready for publication, but it will be soon.

In case anyone is wondering what it’s about, I’ll tell you.  I was abused as a child by my stepfather; my mother and older sister also mentally abused me.  I tried to kill myself many times from the age of 13 until I was 20.  A woman attempted to molest me when I was 15 years old and I was raped multiple times when I was 20. I was homeless for 6 months at the age of 15 and for 10 months when I was 17.  I was also homeless in my early 20’s; I was living in motels, but that is technically considered being homeless.  I met my soul mate and life partner of 17 (going on 18) years and meeting him was when it got better.

I started out writing my life story (as if anyone cared because I’m a nobody) but then these gay children started killing themselves and it suddenly evolved into an “It Gets Better” book.  I want to show that I had a horrible life and I wanted to end it all, but it got better for me and it can get better for them too if they just hang on for a little bit longer.  It may seem like it’s never going to get better, and believe me, I thought for years it could only get worse, but it did get better.

My main goal is that it may help someone out there who is being bullied and wanting to end it all.  They will read my “it gets better” book and see that it got better for me and it can get better for them too.  If they don’t read it, and I don’t expect them to, then perhaps someone can read it and give them the cliffs-notes version to help them.

I am a bit nervous about publishing it because of course I don’t want the people who I wrote about to get upset with me, despite them being in the wrong.  They don’t even talk to me so I don’t know why I would care if they were upset with me anyway.

I am excited because I am finally finished and can publish it soon.  What makes me more excited is that I can finally help some charities when I get my first check from the sales of the book.  I have wanted to help these charities for a long time but couldn’t because I never had the money.

Today is Wednesday, so hopefully I will be able to publish my book within the next week.  Of course I will be advertising my little butt off here, on Twitter, on Google+ and on Facebook so stay tuned for that lol.

Thanks for reading.

My New Bike Wheel

Some time last year the back wheel on my bicycle bit the dust.  I don’t know what happened but the axle unscrewed to one side which made the nuts and ball bearings fall out.  I really screwed up that wheel and haven’t been able to afford a new one.

I’ve made it my ultimate priority this month to buy a new wheel because I am just getting too heavy not being able to exercise.  Since I have a bad back I need a low impact cardio exercise and it’s the perfect exercise machine.

Chips cousins life partner just so happened to buy a vintage 10 speed road bicycle today so now we can get out on the bike trail together.  She hasn’t been on a bicycle in 30 years so she is pretty out of shape.  It’s been a year for me and I know I’m out of shape but not as much as her so we’re going to take it real slow for her sake.

I’m really happy and very excited that I can start riding the bike to the store again because walking to the store and carrying groceries was wreaking havoc on my back and my hands/wrists because of my carpal tunnel syndrome and degenerative disc disease.  I hate the aging process lol.

I didn’t get a picture but I’m sure you know what a bicycle wheel looks like lol.

In Memory of Vedra Jean Luttrell

We have recently suffered the loss of a great friend and family member; Chips cousin has unexpectedly and wrongfully passed away at the age of 62.

I first met Vedra in the mid 90’s when Darrin and I would travel from Hollywood to Bakersfield to visit his mom for Mother’s Day. Every year Vedra would send a flier in the mail telling us about the family reunion and pot luck in the park and it was something that I always looked forward to, not just for the good food but to see her since we clicked so well.

We moved to Bakersfield in 2000 so we were able to see her more than just once a year but little did I know, she only lived 2 blocks from us.  When I learned that she lived so close, we started to see her more often and we met her life partner Venda.  Next thing you know, we’re all trading birthday gifts with each other.

The circumstances with which Vedra has left this world is very painful and I will not go into any details as I would like this to be a celebration of her life but let’s never forget the tragedy for why she is not with us today.

There won’t be a funeral but there will be a celebration of life party at one of Vedras sisters house in mid November.  I like celebration of life parties because you aren’t just mourning her death but also celebrating her life.  I have been to 3 such parties in my life and it’s a better way to say goodbye with a smile and a tear at the same time.

We will miss you and never forget you Vedra.

Writing My Book Isn’t Easy

I’ve mentioned in here before that I’m writing a book based on my childhood. It’s about the abuse that I took from being beaten with a fire log to being punched in the face at age 13. Also being homeless at 15 and 17.

Edit: It’s not just a few abuse stories but the abuse I took throughout my childhood.

Thinking about these 6 kids who committed suicide has really gotten me to think differently about my book because I too tried to commit suicide, not just because of the school bullies but also because of my parents who bullied me more than the kids at school.

I don’t want to compare what happened to me to what happened to them because I really don’t know what happened to them. Everyone’s story is like a finger print or a snow flake, no two are alike.

The problem that I’m facing though is, I’m not a writer. Yes I write blog posts from time to time but this is different.

I sent my life partner a chapter to read and after only reading 1 paragraph he told me that my sentence structure needs work. I reminded him that I am not a writer and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing lol. Then he said it was too long, I need to shorten some of the stories. It’s a book! I can’t shorten the stories because the only way to understand what happened is to read the long ass stories.

A friend of mine offered to edit it because she loves to read. She didn’t say anything about what was wrong with the chapter, in fact she just said it was good. She doesn’t edit books for a living but I trust her judgement because she loves to read.

I can’t afford to pay someone to edit my book, I can’t even pay a ghost writer to write it for me, all I can do is write and edit it the way I have been and hope that it is readable.

I’m not writing it to make big bucks, I’m writing it to get it all off my chest. I have family members who were cut out of my life until I was 27 years old when I finally met them who would like to know what happened during my childhood that they were not allowed to witness.

It will take some time for me to write because I really have to be in the mood and I haven’t been feeling much in the mood lately. Thinking about those kids who killed themselves has really put things in perspective for me and I start to think, do I really need to write this book? Was my life that bad? I mean, there are people who got it worse than I did, some so bad they actually killed themselves.

My abuse stories weren’t even that bad, I mean being punched in the face is nothing compared to one guy who said that he was cinderella, forced to do all the housework, beaten and left to starve in a dungeon like basement. I was treated like a prince compared to that guy.

Well, as I said, I’m not writing it to make money, more to give my friends and family to read. It will probably be offered for $1 on Barnes and Noble once I finish it. I have to set a price and as far as I know Pubit doesn’t let you give your book away.

Ok, I’m done venting lol.