Growing Old (un)Gracefully

Do you mind if I vent for a few minutes about something that has been bothering me?  Of course you don’t mind, I mean, that’s why you’re here right?  To listen to me venting, I mean, that’s what a blog is right?

I don’t know what it is but the older I get, the more of a prick I become.  I don’t know why.  I mean, it could be me or it could be people constantly pushing me to becoming a prick day in and day out.

I’m constantly being pressured to do something I don’t feel comfortable doing and eating foods that I don’t want to eat for one reason or another.  No means no right?  When you say “oh no, that’s not what I want to eat” that means that’s not what the f I want to eat, does it not?  It doesn’t mean, keep pressuring me because I can’t make my own GD decisions.  It means I don’t fricken’ want it so stop GD asking me!

Oh sorry where was I?

Oh yeah, I’m going through some weird stuff with my body right now and I’m just constantly irritable because of the constant pain I’m always in.  I’m only 40, turning 41 and I feel like I’m in my 80’s.  I feel twice as old as I am.

My back is in constant pain because I have degenerative disc disease.  Do you know what that means?  Well, it’s really self-explanatory, my discs are degenerating.  It’s really simple.  Take a marshmallow and flatten it a bit.  Ok that is what the discs look like that are cushioning your spine bones.  Now, press on it and flatten it some more so it’s really thin.  That’s what my discs are doing.  So if my discs are thinning out because they are degenerating what do you think is happening to my bones?  It’s a constant pain from the minute I wake up until the minute I go to sleep at night.

I’m losing my eyesight.  I don’t know if this is normal but all of a sudden it’s like something clouds my eyes, both of them, not at the same time obviously.  I have to rub my eyes to get it out and it’s fine but it’s constantly coming back.  My eyes aren’t that great to begin with, I mean, I’m having to look through the bifocal part of my glasses to read as I type this which isn’t a good thing since I should be able to see with the top part.

Apparently I’m also losing my hearing because every time people talk around me they are talking so low that I can’t hear a word they are saying.  I feel like I’m being left out of nearly every conversation.  I feel like yelling “SPEAK UP” but then I’m afraid of how crazy I must sound so I just ignore people who are talking and think about something else and just nod as they talk.

I have really bad carpal tunnel syndrome too so either one or both of my hands are either numb or pins and needles at any given time, usually all the time.  I can’t open jars anymore on my own, oh no I need help with that.  I have these muscles on my arms and I can’t even open a jar or a can without help.  I have a one-touch can opener because I can’t even open a fricken’ can of tuna on my own anymore.

I have people asking me if there is something wrong and asking me why I’m so irritable, and this from people who are older than I am.  It’s like, you of all people should be more sympathetic knowing how the aging process goes.

I’m only 40!!!  This isn’t supposed to happen to me!!!  I mean gawd, I’m like 15 years old on the inside but 80 on the outside.  I really hate this.

Despite this I try to be in a good mood but I have people constantly irritating me and making me feel like I have no basis for being irritable, like I’m making up the problems or something for attention then they look at me like I’m being a drama queen.  I don’t want that kind of attention, I just want people to back the f up and realize that I’m just trying to live a normal life without all of the complications that life gives me, I don’t need them adding complications by treating me like I’m nuts.

Wow you know I feel so much better now.  Thank you so much for helping me get through this.  Now GET OFF MY LAWN you dirty sonsabitches!  LOL just kidding…

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