Stocking Nearly Finished

I am very happy to say that this stocking is almost done. Yesterday I was working on the white of the stomach and hands and then I did a lot of the scarf but not all of it. Today I finished the scarf, hat and book. What… an ordeal.

I was hoping to finish the broom and the rabbit but my back is killing me. It hurts because of the odd way I’m having to sit to work on this since it’s in a stretcher on a stand. If it were on a round stretcher then I could sit back in my chair and do it then I wouldn’t have back trouble but it requires a bigger stretcher.

If my back feels better later tonight then I may work on finishing the broom but I’m not gonna hold my breath.  My goal for tomorrow is to finish the rabbit (not in picture), broom and start the fox. I officially have 1 more week to get this done so I need to really focus on getting it done with very little mistakes if possible.

Anyway, thought I’d give an update on this.

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Getting Ready for the Holidays

This is the image from my webcam to show my progress so far. It’s very hard to really tell what it is at this point because of the angle of the image but it’s a Christmas stocking for one of my relatives. It’s a snowman holding a broom with a mouse in it. The snowman is wearing a top hat and a scarf and he has a squirrel on his shoulder.

There is a deer which you can clearly see then a rabbit next to him but I haven’t finished him so he’s hard to see.  Then to the bottom right of the stocking is a fox which I haven’t even started. Well, I started his feet but that’s it.

When I finish I will post the finished product so you can get a better image. Yesterday I worked on the white of the snowman stomach and I started his scarf which by the way is not an easy thing to do lol.

I have 9 more days to finish this. Do you think I can do it? I keep saying “Oh it’ll only take me a few days” well it’s been a week that I’ve been working on it but because of back problems I can only work on so much of it at a time before I have to stop. Yesterday I drank a red bull and got a lot more done but not as much as I would have liked.

I still have to finish the other stocking that I made for Jordan with the Santa on the front. Since that one didn’t come with the red felt for the back, I had to go buy some at Michael’s. I cut the piece out so all I have to do is sew it on. But I’ll wait to do that when I can sew this one up at the same time. Yes they have to be sewn by hand because if I use the sewing machine it will screw up the pattern because some of the pattern is right against the edge of where I have to sew.

You know speaking of sewing, I wish that I knew how to quilt because I think I could make some awesome Christmas stockings with that. That would be so awesome.

Anyway, I need to get back to work lol.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is a day that most people spend with their families, watching football, having uncomfortable conversations about their love life or gossiping about the black sheep (that’s me) who did or said what to who. Eat great food and open the button on their pants and unzip their zipper to let their stomach expand so they can breathe and it’s perfectly normal. There might be a fight, someone might come out of the closet, but at least you are with the ones you love.

I miss that.

We’re going to Hometown Buffet today with Venda then we’re gonna go see the movie Unstoppable. I have seen a commercial or 2 about it but I think it came out a long time ago so it’s probably in the little tiny theater. It’s not my choice but that’s what we’re going to see.

On Thanksgiving people usually say what they are thankful for. Well, I am thankful for my health (generic I know but it’s true) and my freedom. I am thankful that I have little drama in my life. You know us gays, always with the drama. Well, not this one. I try to keep all the drama out because what’s the point really? I am thankful that we have the cutest dog in the world who loves us. I am also very thankful that we have a home, a roof over our head with food in our pantry and fridge. And most of all I am thankful that I am in a relationship with the most wonderful person and that relationship has lasted over 16.5 years and is still going strong.

Well, it’s time to go. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful Thanksgiving day with your families wherever you are. Stay safe and don’t drink and drive!

Turkey Day Is Almost Here

I can’t believe Thanksgiving is already here again. The months go by so fast. Next thing you know we will be decorating the tree. Actually, I’ll be doing that the day after tomorrow lol.

Since Darrin is working again, we’re not going out of town so we’re just gonna go to Hometown Buffet like we always do. I don’t mind going there, in fact I love that they are open because frankly I’d rather not have to cook as if we’re having 10 people over for just the 2 of us then have to do all those dishes. I’m quite content going out where all I have to do is get up, grab a plate then fill it up with good food, eat and repeat until I’m about to explode.

I do miss the traditional visit to a family members house (minus all the drama that comes with that) but I think I like it better with just the 2 of us. The holidays seem to be more for kids than they do for me. I guess that’s how you start to feel when you get older, unless of course you have a family to take care of.

As I said, the day after Thanksgiving I’m gonna be decorating the Christmas tree. It’s in the garage, it’s a pre-lit 8 foot tree. I actually have a video on YouTube of me putting it together using time-lapse photography.

Now some people might say that it’s not Christmas with a fake tree. Pahleez! It’s still Christmas to me and I don’t have to pick out a new one every year and pay the high prices that they charge at the tree lots. It’s such a rip off and I have a fear of fire so that’s another reason for me to want a fake one. Some people say they like the smell of the tree, I don’t really care for it all that much. Even if I did like the smell, I’d rather just light a Christmas tree scented candle.

I have several boxes of decorations to get from the garage and who knows, it might put me in the spirit enough to finish making that last stocking that I started earlier this year. I have 3 stockings to send to Chips nephews. Only one of them is complete, another one just needs it’s red felt back sewn on and the 3rd one needs me to finish embroidering it then put it’s felt back on. I have a little bag of bells that I’m thinking of sewing to the stockings in various places. It’s just not a stocking until it jingles.

So tomorrow morning I’ll get up and have a very light breakfast, maybe I’ll get some pop tarts then starve myself until it’s time to go to Hometown Buffet which will probably be around 1-3pm. One thing I look forward to is the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade that will be on in the morning.

Oh joy, I can’t wait.

In Memory of Vedra Jean Luttrell

We have recently suffered the loss of a great friend and family member; Chips cousin has unexpectedly and wrongfully passed away at the age of 62.

I first met Vedra in the mid 90’s when Darrin and I would travel from Hollywood to Bakersfield to visit his mom for Mother’s Day. Every year Vedra would send a flier in the mail telling us about the family reunion and pot luck in the park and it was something that I always looked forward to, not just for the good food but to see her since we clicked so well.

We moved to Bakersfield in 2000 so we were able to see her more than just once a year but little did I know, she only lived 2 blocks from us.  When I learned that she lived so close, we started to see her more often and we met her life partner Venda.  Next thing you know, we’re all trading birthday gifts with each other.

The circumstances with which Vedra has left this world is very painful and I will not go into any details as I would like this to be a celebration of her life but let’s never forget the tragedy for why she is not with us today.

There won’t be a funeral but there will be a celebration of life party at one of Vedras sisters house in mid November.  I like celebration of life parties because you aren’t just mourning her death but also celebrating her life.  I have been to 3 such parties in my life and it’s a better way to say goodbye with a smile and a tear at the same time.

We will miss you and never forget you Vedra.

Never Help Unappreciative Friends

I have a friend who used to live next door to us.  She was, as we gay’s called them, my “fag hag“.  That is until she moved away and then I didn’t see her again for many years.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere she calls me a couple of weeks ago begging me for my help.  She broke her sisters computer and knowing that I used to build computers for a (semi) living, she begged me to come over to her sister’s house to help her.

I didn’t want to because I’m a hermit.  I don’t leave the house unless it’s to go to the store, doctors appointments or to take the dog out.  I have a huge case of Body dysmorphic disorder so I just don’t like being around people out of fear they are constantly judging me.  Not just my face, skin and hair but also because I have facial ticks.

But what could I do?  She was talking so loud and so fast on the phone, I could barely understand what she was saying so to get her to stop begging and to shut up I said ok, come get me.

Her sister pulls up to our front door in a few minutes and she brings me to her house.  She drops me off and I go upstairs, look at the computer but I can’t do anything about it, the hard drive has crashed.  I was there for a couple of hours switching hard drives since they had 3 of them but none of them worked.  They all started to load a different version of Windows but always went to blue screen which was a clear indication that the hard drive had crashed.

Her sister finally takes me home and I think that’s the end of it.

About a week ago the sister calls me to tell me she’s at the computer store I told her to go to and asks me what kind of hard drive to buy.  Naturally I told her she needs to have her crashed hard drive with her so she gets the right one.  It has to have the same configuration as her old one otherwise a new hard drive (that fits todays standards) may not work in her (I don’t know how old) motherboard.

That happened to me once, I bought a brand new 320gb hard drive in 2007 for the computer I built in 2002 and it wouldn’t work.  I ended up having to buy all new parts to build a new computer around that hard drive.

So she gets the hard drive and calls me asking if I’ll install it for her.  I begrudgingly said I’d do it.  My former BFF called to tell me that she has the mouse at work so I’ll have to bring my own.  Well, that doesn’t work because mine is wireless, it won’t work with the Windows installation.

Anyway, long story short (too late?) I’m there for 6 hours, we cleared the CMOS because it had a password that nobody knew and I had to access it to get the job done.  I install Windows and helped get her started with the windows updates.

The sister takes me home and she offers to pay me but, what do you say when someone offers to pay you money?  I’m sure most people would be like oh sure that’ll be $60 (@$10/hr) please.  I’m too embarrassed by money.  We were broke and starving and we could’ve used the money, even $10 to get us some food but I said no thanks.  She offered to buy me a pumpkin for Halloween or a Turkey for Thanksgiving.  I’m not gonna go grocery shopping with her lol.  Just take me home lol.

The next morning at 7am, the sister calls me accusing me of stealing her neighbors mouse.  Excuse me?  Are you kidding me?  She knew I had a wireless mouse and she saw me grab MY mouse.  I even watched her hand her neighbors mouse to her.  I get paid $0 for 6 hours of work and I get accused of stealing.  Uncool!

Well, it has been over a week and my so-called “fag hag” has not once called or emailed me via Facebook to thank me for getting her sisters computer working.  If anything, she owes me the money because she is the one who messed up her sisters computer in the first place.  But not even a simple “thank you” from her.

I will NEVER help another person who is not a permanent fixture in my life who I know is ungrateful and will not even thank me.  I believe in Karma and I know that my karma is in very good standing.

Update 2011-01-23:  She called me a few weeks later acting as if nothing happened and I told her I was pissed off.  I told her what her sister did and she said she knew and she thought I was pissed off at her sister but I said no, I’m pissed off at you.  She asked why and I told her because this is the first I’m hearing from her and I still haven’t heard a thank you for helping your sister out.

Then I told her that I removed her as Facebook friends but not because of this but because I am better friends with her ex who demanded that I remove her from my Facebook friends.  She understood why I removed her and we haven’t spoken since.

Writing My Book Isn’t Easy

I’ve mentioned in here before that I’m writing a book based on my childhood. It’s about the abuse that I took from being beaten with a fire log to being punched in the face at age 13. Also being homeless at 15 and 17.

Edit: It’s not just a few abuse stories but the abuse I took throughout my childhood.

Thinking about these 6 kids who committed suicide has really gotten me to think differently about my book because I too tried to commit suicide, not just because of the school bullies but also because of my parents who bullied me more than the kids at school.

I don’t want to compare what happened to me to what happened to them because I really don’t know what happened to them. Everyone’s story is like a finger print or a snow flake, no two are alike.

The problem that I’m facing though is, I’m not a writer. Yes I write blog posts from time to time but this is different.

I sent my life partner a chapter to read and after only reading 1 paragraph he told me that my sentence structure needs work. I reminded him that I am not a writer and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing lol. Then he said it was too long, I need to shorten some of the stories. It’s a book! I can’t shorten the stories because the only way to understand what happened is to read the long ass stories.

A friend of mine offered to edit it because she loves to read. She didn’t say anything about what was wrong with the chapter, in fact she just said it was good. She doesn’t edit books for a living but I trust her judgement because she loves to read.

I can’t afford to pay someone to edit my book, I can’t even pay a ghost writer to write it for me, all I can do is write and edit it the way I have been and hope that it is readable.

I’m not writing it to make big bucks, I’m writing it to get it all off my chest. I have family members who were cut out of my life until I was 27 years old when I finally met them who would like to know what happened during my childhood that they were not allowed to witness.

It will take some time for me to write because I really have to be in the mood and I haven’t been feeling much in the mood lately. Thinking about those kids who killed themselves has really put things in perspective for me and I start to think, do I really need to write this book? Was my life that bad? I mean, there are people who got it worse than I did, some so bad they actually killed themselves.

My abuse stories weren’t even that bad, I mean being punched in the face is nothing compared to one guy who said that he was cinderella, forced to do all the housework, beaten and left to starve in a dungeon like basement. I was treated like a prince compared to that guy.

Well, as I said, I’m not writing it to make money, more to give my friends and family to read. It will probably be offered for $1 on Barnes and Noble once I finish it. I have to set a price and as far as I know Pubit doesn’t let you give your book away.

Ok, I’m done venting lol.