Has anyone ever given you an ultimatum or have you given anyone an ultimatum? They are not fair. There are certain times when it is ok to give someone an ultimatum like when a husband is drinking, gambling, cheating etc. But family members should never give you an ultimatum to choose your lover over them.

When I was 17 years old, my mother gave me an ultimatum. Leave my boyfriend Robert out in the cold in a strange city without anywhere to sleep and without any transportation back home or choose her and continue living at home. The choice was obvious. I would rather be homeless myself than let a deaf person wait outside for me to never return to help him find a place to sleep for the night. He was DEAF!

How cold-hearted are you to allow any human being to be homeless for the night until they can catch the bus in the morning back home?  I told her to at least let me call his mom to pick him up and she said no, let him freeze.  What a cold-hearted bitch!  I hate saying that about my own mother, rest her soul, but that’s how I feel.

It was 1987 and he couldn’t call his mother on a cell phone and speak sign language with a video call like you can do today. He had to use a TTY which by the way was at his house in Simi Valley. He took the bus to see me after 2 years of not seeing me and waited until the last-minute after the last bus had left for the day so he was stranded without any way of getting home. I asked a co-worker who lived down the street from me if he could stay with her on her couch and she said yes, I just had to bring him there. He was out of cigarettes so I went back to my house to get him a pack and that’s when my mother cornered me and gave me the ultimatum and that’s the night I became homeless.

My cousin just called me and he went to visit his sister in another state with his wife. His wife is 15 years older than he is and because some people don’t approve of such age differences, she was treated like crap. His sister gave him an ultimatum. His wife or his sister. That’s not fair. You know? You can’t make someone make that decision especially when they are married. What if he did choose his sister? What then? Is she going to take him in? No, she’s not. So now that he has chosen you, he’s going to be homeless all because you made him choose you over the love of his life.

Why do that? Why not just suck it up? You don’t even live in the same state, just deal with it. She is the person he chose to be with so live with it. It’s not your decision, it’s his.

I am in a relationship with someone who is 21 years older than me. You know what my sister said to him when she first met him? “How old are you?” And she didn’t ask it nicely either, she had this disapproving tone in her voice. It’s like, who asked you for your opinion? It’s none of your business. This is who I chose to be with so deal with it.

I think if someone is coward enough to make this type of ultimatum then they deserve it when they are the one being rejected. If someone gave me an ultimatum I am going to choose the person they are making me leave for them. There is no doubt in my mind that I would tell them to go to hell just as I told my mom.