Tag: cousins

In Your Face!

On By Michel McDonaldIn Anti-GayLeave a comment

You know how some people are homophobic but they don’t throw it in your face but you know they are because they give you a disapproving glare or they make snarky comments when referring to your sexuality?  Well, I have one particular family member who is sort of like that.  The whole gay issue is never brought up, like it’s so shameful that we just don’t talk about it out of fear that it will tear our relationship apart because of differing opinions or something.

I was talking with said family member on the phone today who was the only family member by the way who ever calls me on my birthday and she was 6 days late calling me.  But the subject of Chips deceased cousins relationship came up and she asked how long they were together and I said 27 years.  “Wow, how long have you guys been together” she asks which I respond 17 years. “WOW!”

I get no gratification for throwing it in her face that I am in a long-term relationship but when you tell a person like her who is against gay relationships that you have been together for 17 years and they have a “WOW” response, it makes you feel good.  Like “IN YOUR FACE” or something.  Not a mean in your face but you know.

I would say that I am the black sheep to half of my family because of my sexuality which if you think about it is such a stupid reason to be the black sheep.  I mean, I was born this way, you don’t make me a black sheep because I was born with hazel eyes and brown hair do you?  Of course not because that is absurd.  So why make me the black sheep because of my sexuality which I have no control over just like I have no control over the fact that I have male pattern baldness.

You know what I say to society, I’m here, I’m queer, get effing used to it biatches!  I’m in a committed long-term monogamous relationship with a person with whom I love and nothing anyone says about it is going to change that.  Get over your insecurities about gay people and realize we aren’t going to change.  We do have loving normal relationships just like all of you straight people.  The only difference is that we can’t get each other pregnant, which if you think about it is more of a blessing cause who wants that?  Not me!

I am so sick of people judging me so yeah, I get a little excited when someone who doesn’t approve has a moment when they are impressed by it.  As if I was ever seeking approval, I’m not but you know what I mean.

No matter what the circumstances are, she is my family and I respect her even though she may not respect me for being gay but goddamnit, it’s my life.  Be grateful I’m happy and I’m not miserable in a relationship with a woman who I am not sexually attracted to with children who probably hate me for taking out my aggression on them for having to be stuck in that marriage just to please your homophobic ass.

That’s all I have to say. *Steps off of my soap box*

Cycling Again

On By Michel McDonaldIn Bike, Cycling, ExerciseLeave a comment

Last month I bought a new back wheel for my bicycle so that I could start getting exercise again.  The same exact day, Chips deceased cousins girlfriend bought a vintage 10-speed road bike because I told her I was getting my new wheel and that if she had a bike we could go bike riding together.  We rode exactly 2 times together last month.  I didn’t ride on my own though.

This month we rode once, yesterday and I told her that if this is going to work we are going to have to do this more often, like every day at least.  Since we are both out of shape then perhaps every other day until our leg muscles are more used to it.

I spent a long time figuring out the perfect route for bike riding and unfortunately she doesn’t like my route because it’s the same thing every time and she likes to take short cuts, which defeats the purpose of the ride.  My route has no heavy traffic to cross, all neighborhoods and when we are on the busy roads they have bike lanes.  I pride myself on my organization skills whether anyone likes it or not, typically nobody likes it but me.

My cell phone hasn’t worked in years and I really need to keep a cell phone with me at all times when I’m out on the bike trail so I bought a refurbished Samsung T401G from Net10 which is the same exact phone Darrin has, only I paid $25 for mine since it was refurbished and it comes with a $25 phone card.  Basically I got the phone for free hehe.  But it’s a very nice phone compared to what I would have gotten had I gotten the cheaper phone if I had gone to Sears to buy it today.

Even though we are going to ride every other day, I am going to ride every day if I can (as soon as my new phone arrives) because I have more weight to lose than she does and I am determined to lose it.

I will be suggesting an alternate route for her which is her car.  We were crossing such heavy traffic yesterday and it really freaked me out so if she wants to do this she can drive her bike there and I can meet her on the trail.  I think that is a good plan.  I get more exercise and she gets the amount of exercise she is satisfied with, it’s a win win for everyone involved.

My New Bike Wheel

On By Michel McDonaldIn Bike1 Comment

Some time last year the back wheel on my bicycle bit the dust.  I don’t know what happened but the axle unscrewed to one side which made the nuts and ball bearings fall out.  I really screwed up that wheel and haven’t been able to afford a new one.

I’ve made it my ultimate priority this month to buy a new wheel because I am just getting too heavy not being able to exercise.  Since I have a bad back I need a low impact cardio exercise and it’s the perfect exercise machine.

Chips cousins life partner just so happened to buy a vintage 10 speed road bicycle today so now we can get out on the bike trail together.  She hasn’t been on a bicycle in 30 years so she is pretty out of shape.  It’s been a year for me and I know I’m out of shape but not as much as her so we’re going to take it real slow for her sake.

I’m really happy and very excited that I can start riding the bike to the store again because walking to the store and carrying groceries was wreaking havoc on my back and my hands/wrists because of my carpal tunnel syndrome and degenerative disc disease.  I hate the aging process lol.

I didn’t get a picture but I’m sure you know what a bicycle wheel looks like lol.

Pray the Gay Away?

On By Michel McDonaldIn GayLeave a comment

Thanks to the Oprah Winfrey Network (the new OWN channel) we have some new shows to watch on TV and Our America with Lisa Ling is among one of them that I am interested in watching.

Todays episode was “Pray the Gay Away?” along with a very special primetime episode of the new Gayle King Show where they discuss the episode, take calls and talk to participants from the documentary.

I think that every gay person has their own beliefs as to why there is homosexuality. My own partner of 17 years believes that he is gay because of his parents’ failed marriage when his father came back from the Korean War in the mid 50’s. His father came home mentally traumatized and their relationship ended and his father eventually passed away. He believes that the destruction of his parents marriage and subsequent death is what turned him gay. And he has every right to have his opinion whether I or anyone else disagrees with it.

I personally believe that I was born this way because I’ve always had an attractiveness towards the same-sex since I met a cute boy named Ruben when I was 4 years old. I had dreams about him and I just knew that I liked him. There was nothing out of the ordinary that made me choose to like him, I just did.

I mean, one could argue that I may have turned gay because of the abuse I endured throughout my childhood but I didn’t know any better. I thought it was normal for parents to beat their children and call them stupid and retarded and worthless among other names. I saw the way my aunt and uncle raised their 3 kids which was basically the same or worse so that there told me, it’s normal. My cousins were treated way worse than I was and they all turned out straight and so did my sister.

So in my case I just don’t believe that my being abused the same way as 4 other people had any impact on my sexuality because I was the only gay one.

I do have other cousins from a different aunt and uncle who treated their kids like human beings and 2 of them turned out lesbian after suffering no childhood trauma. So what does that tell you? They raised 5 kids and 2 of them turned out differently despite all of them being treated with the same love.

The argument that there is no evidence of a gay gene and that it’s all taught to you, you are born straight but you turn gay from your environment is all bullcrap to me. Maybe the gay gene isn’t meant to be found, maybe we’re chosen for this life for population control or who knows, maybe something else.

This Exodus group tells people that they can change and I feel it is wrong because the only person who can change you is you. If you are gay and you are just so unhappy about it and want to put in the effort to turn straight then go for it. Don’t expect for it to work because you will always be gay no matter what they tell you. But if you are in that much pain about it and you have the will power then fine. Do what you like, it’s your body. But don’t turn around and condemn those who refuse to live a lie for the rest of their existence.

This one woman (whose name escapes me) who is a pastor and says she was a lesbian for 14 or so years but then decided to be straight, she compares homosexuality with addiction to drugs or alcohol. I can’t even begin to think what Bullcrap that is because I’ve been gay for 40 years and celibate for the last 10. I am not going through withdrawals lol. I didn’t go through withdrawals 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 2 years ago, 1 year ago or today. I am completely withdrawal free and unfortunately still sex free but that was never my choice, it was the choice of my partner who has erectile dysfunction (he’s 21 years older than I am) so I have to respect that.

Of course being a born again Christian he tells people that he is abstaining from sex not because of his “ED” but because he is a “non-practicing homosexual” so the church won’t kick him out. And hey, if that’s what you have to do then that’s what you have to do. I have no ill feelings about him for any of that.

That only thing that pissed me off throughout the whole show was that ex-lesbian woman comparing sexuality to addiction. I think that I am living proof that it was never an issue of “I gotta have it” because I don’t gotta have anything. I can certainly abstain with the help of my old childhood friend Tom Thumb and his 4 brothers.

Look if you are a born again christian and you feel that being gay means you are going to hell for it and don’t want that then change yourself because that is what you want to do. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking it’s wrong because it’s not wrong, it’s natural to want to live a happy life and for someone to tell you that you are sinning are themselves sinning for taking gods job away by acting as judge. There is a recession so let God do his job.

It’s 2011. When is racism and bigotry going to end? Is it going to be soon?

We all believe in what we all want to believe in and these opinions are what I believe in. Thank you for reading.

As for my relationship, our 17 year anniversary is in 2 1/2 weeks. Even I can’t believe it has been 17 years. I am with the person I was meant to be with whether sex is involved in the relationship or not. Sex doesn’t make a relationship, it is only a part of it and who says it even has to be any part of it after so many years? We love each other just the way we are, thin or fat, sick or healthy, till death do we part. In this life and the next as I feel I have found my true soul mate and no church can convince us otherwise.

The Situation With My Bike

On By Michel McDonaldIn Cycling, ExerciseLeave a comment

A couple of months ago my bike bit the dust. Well, the back wheel did. What happened was, I rode it to the store and all was ok, it started wobbling but not enough for me to stop and take notice. When I left the store, I unlocked my bike, put the groceries in the bag on the back rack and left. That’s when it took a turn for the worst. Get it? It’s a wheel… it took a “turn”… no?

Anyway, as I was leaving the space that I locked it up at, I got on it and started riding away. It was wobbling something terrible and I got off of it but couldn’t see anything wrong. I got back on it and continued to ride. All of a sudden something terrible happened and I had to get off the bike.

The sun was going down so it was hard to see what was wrong but I did notice that the long screw that holds the wheel onto the bike in the middle had unscrewed all the way over on the left side. The nuts on the right side were missing and so was everything else that was supposed to be in there. I didn’t see anything on the ground so I don’t know when that happened.

I walked the bike home which was a huge mistake, I should have gone across the street from where I was to use Chips cousins phone to have him come get me and the bike because walking it home ruined the back wheel.

The end of the long screw was digging into the middle of the wheel which screwed it up so much that the bike store told me that they can’t fix my wheel, I’d have to buy a new one which is $39.95 plus tax plus $7 to install.

I don’t know if by install they mean they will take the gears (cassette?) off my old wheel and put them on the new wheel or if he means that the new wheel has all the gears on it and installing means placing it on my bike frame. All I know is if it’s the latter, why should I pay someone $7 to do something that I can do for free.

I have put so much money into this mountain bike of mine, I just can’t keep sinking more and more money into it. The only original thing that is left on it is the frame and the chain. Everything else has been replaced.

When I had my first accident on the Oak st. bridge, I had to replace the handlebar stem and a new front wheel. I had to replace the pedals because one of them was broken because it was cheap plastic. My seat was making me impotent so I had to buy an ergo seat which gave me back problems and shoulder pain that wouldn’t go away for 8 months which is why I had to replace the handlebars with beach cruiser handlebars. My front tire got a bubble in it and broke the wiring for my bike computer so I had to buy a new computer and new tires.

I’m just going to get the new wheel and get it over with. I need my bike back for going to doctors appointments. I refuse to take the bus to visit the doctor with lunatics getting in my face at the bus station downtown. I also need it for the daily trip to the grocery store and so I can get back on the bike trail and lose this weight.

Happy Halloween

On By Michel McDonaldIn HolidaysLeave a comment

Halloween is one of my favorite times of year.  Not just because you have a legit excuse to eat candy but because it’s a day that you can pretend to be something you aren’t.

I loved Halloween as a kid but my mother was poor, she couldn’t always buy me a costume.  One year she put an old sheet over me with holes in it for the eyes.  It wasn’t a great costume since it was a pink flowered sheet.  I don’t think anyone was convinced I was a ghost lol.

Sometimes she would get her make-up out and dress me up as a hobo.  I would wear my oldest clothes that had holes in them and she would get them dirty and make the holes bigger.  She would put a 5-o’clock shadow on my face and then she would find a stick and tie a bandanna on one end and it would have socks in it to make it look like it had stuff in there.

Some years when she had the money she would buy a costume but I was never given a choice in the matter.  Here is an example:

This is a pretty lame costume but it’s the only Halloween photo I have.  I was the easter bunny for Halloween lol.

The costumes weren’t always this lame though.  Some years I was dressed up as a clown with the clown hair, some years a cowboy and since my parents loved country music, we all had cowboy hats so that costume didn’t cost a dime.  One year my parents bought fatigues for everyone and we were army people.

No matter how good or bad our costumes were, it was fun to go out and be someone else for a few hours.

When we were old enough, when I was 9, we were sent out on our own.  My sister was 11 and she usually baby sat me anyway and it was a bunch of us, my 3 cousins, my sister and I, we would go around the neighborhood trick or treating in the neighboring apartment buildings.

My parents never took our candy away from us and mixed them together, although they did go through them to make sure there were no razor blades and they would toss out all the fruit.  But then we were given the rest in our bag and allowed to eat that as we wanted to, which was usually until we ended up too sick to eat any more.  Then of course when our tummies felt better we would eat more until eventually the candy was gone.  The bags usually lasted a few days.

Just because I’m all grown up doesn’t mean I don’t still enjoy the holiday.  I started carving pumpkins around 1997 with those cool pattern books with the saws and I would carve a few patterns every year.  The last year I carved a pumpkin was in 2007, that’s because Darrin joined a church that doesn’t allow their members to enjoy Halloween and he wouldn’t let me put my pumpkins outside anymore out of fear that he would get kicked out of his church.

My fun was stamped on but I still enjoy Halloween and I will never stop because I feel that my body may be getting old, my mind is still that little child in that bunny costume.

Happy Halloween everyone!  I hope it’s a great one and I hope you don’t get too many cavities from all the candy you are about to consume.

My Bike Wheel

On By Michel McDonaldIn Cycling, ExerciseLeave a comment

It has been over a month since my back wheel decided it didn’t want me to ride my bike anymore. I was riding the store and all of a sudden it started getting wobbly but I dismissed it. By the time I left the store I had noticed that it was getting really bad so I got off the bike and saw the problem. The long screw holding the wheel onto the frame had unscrewed to the left. I don’t know why but it did and everything on the right side fell out. All the nuts are gone and the ball bearings, everything is missing.

Chips cousins girlfriend told me that her tenant fixes bikes but I didn’t know him and I would rather just go to the bike shop. Well, we never made time to go and my bike has been sitting in the patio all this time while I’ve had to walk to the store every day.

So yesterday I was walking by her house and went to the door and was talking to her and we decided to ask him about fixing the wheel and I brought the wheel to him and told him I would bring him the money to fix it. He said without looking at it that it might only cost $2-4 to fix it and I told him if it’s that cheap I will give you $20.

I brought him $20 this morning and he said whoa wait, don’t pay me until after I fixed it. Well, I didn’t want him to have to pay for the parts then I end up running out of money and not be able to pay him until November and I wanted my bike back sooner than later.

He took me to where my wheel was sitting and showed me something. I didn’t have my camera with me so I couldn’t take a picture but there is an internal problem. When I was riding the bike, or maybe when I had to walk it home, that long screw had started scraping on the inside of the wheel. So now there is a huge dent from that which will probably prevent him from being able to fix it at all.

He told me that if he can fix all that then he will but he doesn’t even know if he can so he gave me the $20 back and said if I can’t fix it you’re gonna have to go buy a new wheel.

If he can’t fix the wheel then that’s fine, I’ll just get it back from him because I don’t want to have to buy a new tire again, Darrin bought me the tire that is on that wheel and it matches my front tire lol.

I’m not in that much of a hurry to get it back BUT I would like to ride my bike to the store again you know? It’s faster when I’m in a hurry, especially late at night when they are closing in 15-20 minutes. Also, I’d like to get back on the bike to get my exercise again.

I’m Drugged up with Adrenaline

On By Michel McDonaldIn My ChildhoodLeave a comment

It all started out with looking at my AOL buddy list then double clicking a name and saying hi to Chips cousins girlfriend.

We get in this conversation about her girlfriend being in the hospital which turns into me talking about my childhood lol.  I focused the conversation from her girlfriend in the hospital to my childhood trauma lol.

The more we talk about it, the more adrenaline pumps into my body and I start getting angry and then the testosterone starts pumping in and next thing you know, I’m wide awake at 2:30am.

I finally took an ambien which won’t work without food so I had a banana but I have a feeling I’m gonna need some toast.  Ok so I don’t need it, I’m craving it lol.

Why is it that when talking about my childhood my body starts to go through something else?  Most people would cry about it and get over it and it’s done.  But me, I don’t cry, I want to punch someone and since it’s not my style I want to punch something.  But since punching things also isn’t my style (I’m too cheap to damage things I have to replace) then the next best thing is to start growling and just being pissed off lol.

As I’m back in time in my head I’m yelling IN MY HEAD at people who are talking trash to me and I’m punching them in the face lol.  I guess it’s better and less illegal to punch a memory in your mind lol.

This would be a great time to start writing about what happened but I’d rather keep writing in chronological order when I write my book so I’ll wait.  Those memories aren’t gonna go away so I can put them in the back of the closet for a while until I get to them and then watch out lol.

Anyway, off to bed when I get food in me and the ambien kicks in.  Relaxing helps calm me down long enough to go to sleep because it stops my brain from working overtime lol.

Wheel Fixed

On By Michel McDonaldIn BikeLeave a comment

Well I had to bring my back wheel to Snider’s today to have them tighten the freewheel (the thing that holds the chain and has different gears) but it wasn’t that it needed to be tightened, the tech guy said that they all wobble like that.  So I told him about the cracking sounds and so he looked at it and said that the problem is that the metal in the screw that holds the ball bearings in place is worn down and so they had to replace the rod and ball bearings altogether.  That was only $18.

I’m so glad it wasn’t that much money.  I would rather just have them fix the issue than have to spend $25 or $30 on all the tools needed to screw the freewheel tighter just to have it still have the same old problem lol.

That’s why I shouldn’t try to diagnose my own problems because I don’t know jack about that dren.

Chips cousins girlfriend Venda drove me there and ended up buying me a rear rack and a pair of gloves for my birthday which I so didn’t want her to do because the gloves themselves were $40 and the rack was $25.  After I got my wheel on I tried to install the rack and they didn’t supply any screws darnit.  Plus there are no holes in the frame for the top bars to go into so I have to return the rack and get a different one.

–Edit: I got the rear rack on.  I had some old brakes that I kept for some strange reason.  I just couldn’t throw them away lol.  Can you say pack rat?  Anyway, those fit on the bottom so I don’t need those screws now.  But the top still didn’t fit so I went into the tool shed and there was a roll of this metal with holes in it so I cut a piece the size I needed, wrapped it around the seat post and took some bolts and washers and nuts and screwed them to the top of the rack.  Then I took another bolt with washer and nut and screwed the piece of metal together tight so it doesn’t go anywhere.  See?  I am handy once in awhile lol.  It is secure enough now that I don’t have to worry.  End Edit–

The gloves on the other hand are really good.  I didn’t realize that I needed these gloves instead of just any regular glove because these are specifically meant for people with Carpel Tunnel Syndrome which I have.  This is what it says on the cardboard that the gloves were attached to:

Patented Technology
With technology designed by Dr. A Robert Spitzer, a neurologist, Spenco® cycling gloves feature a unique, patented groove over the carpel tunnel nerve that channels away pressure and road shock to reduce hand numbness and fatigue.

So that’s what I needed all along.  Every time I ride my hands get numb with the gloves I wear now and even without the gloves and I have to shake both my hands (not at the same time of course lol) to shake the numbness out.  So thank you Vedra and Venda for the new gloves.

Ohio Mom Killed in Home Invasion

On By Michel McDonaldIn NewsLeave a comment

Ohio Boy, 4, Found at Rest Stop After Mother Killed During Home Invasion

Man held on $5M bond in slaying of Ohio mom  – Link to news story is broken.

This really gets to me.  This 22-year-old guy in Ohio allegedly invades a home, ties the mother up and then shoots her before kidnapping her son.

“Authorities say he shot and killed the 29-year-old mother in her home and drove her son to an Interstate 70 rest area in central Ohio, where travelers found him wandering around.”

This is really disgusting.  He apologized and said “my fault”.  Pahleez!  I don’t want to hear it.

This is what they are saying on Jane Velez Mitchell on HLN that the child was raped while the mother who was tied up was forced to watch.  But the 2 news stories above don’t mention that part.

The poor kid is scared to death.  According to ABC he has no physical scars and he jumps at every little noise.

“Nelson said that while William bears no physical scars from the incident, he’s having a hard time coping with what he saw.

“He’s terrified,” Nelson said of his only child. “Loud noises are just really disturbing to him.”

“When one of William’s young cousins knocked a toy truck down the stairs, he “just from the noise from that, he jumped a mile.”

This poor child.  I really feel sorry for him.  This 22-year-old guy who did this will probably never see the light of day and he will probably be murdered in prison because the other inmates don’t like people who harm children.  And if he did indeed rape this little boy they will indeed rape him before killing him.