I FOUND My Brother

I cannot believe it, but I found my brother.

After I did the 23andMe and didn’t really find any useful information about my family, I decided to go to Ancestry and figure out how to populate my family tree. I started out with my mother’s side of the family, then with the help of a friend we narrowed down who my father was to one man who was born with his name in California in the 1940’s, and I actually found my father, but I wasn’t sure it was him. I discovered from a document that he had a son, so I went on a search for him, and contacted many people with his name on Facebook, that didn’t pan out. So I went to Google and a website called MyLife had information, including his name and birth date, age, and where he lived in the 90’s and it had an email address, so I emailed him.

After I emailed him I finally got a response from someone on Ancestry who told me that I had the right family, as you can see from my previous post I FOUND My Paternal Family. They didn’t know where my brother was, so I continued to wait for him to respond to my email, and a couple of days ago he finally responded.

My brother said in his reply email that the picture was small, but it did resemble his father, so we connected on Facebook and he was convinced that someone was trying to scam him or steal his identity, and who can blame him? I mean, there are so many scams out there, you literally can’t trust anyone. He wanted me to convince him before he would even talk to me, and I guess I did convince him because he acknowledges that I am his brother. I’m not going to ask him to take a DNA test, although I did take a DNA test with Ancestry and with 23andMe, so if he wants to be 100% sure, I will pay for the test, but I don’t think he will worry about it, but I will still ask him if he wants one.

Anyway, so we have talked with each other yesterday and today and he lives in Germany, so I can only talk with him from 8 am my time until 12 pm my time because he’s 9 hours ahead of me. I am very sad that we couldn’t be closer, but who knows, maybe one day I will be able to visit him in Germany. I’ve always wanted to go there, so maybe it will happen one of these days. But for now we will use Skype to communicate. It’s free and it’s not text, it’s a phone call where we can see each other. There might be a delay, but we will figure that out.

I am absolutely over the moon. Not only did I not know I had a brother, but I found him. I just can’t ask for anything more. I feel like I have accomplished my goal of finding my father, even though he has passed from this life. I feel like my brother and also the discovery of cousins and aunts and uncles is a bonus. I spent most of my life looking for one person, and I found many. I couldn’t be more happy. My search is finally over.

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In Your Face!

You know how some people are homophobic but they don’t throw it in your face but you know they are because they give you a disapproving glare or they make snarky comments when referring to your sexuality?  Well, I have one particular family member who is sort of like that.  The whole gay issue is never brought up, like it’s so shameful that we just don’t talk about it out of fear that it will tear our relationship apart because of differing opinions or something.

I was talking with said family member on the phone today who was the only family member by the way who ever calls me on my birthday and she was 6 days late calling me.  But the subject of Chips deceased cousins relationship came up and she asked how long they were together and I said 27 years.  “Wow, how long have you guys been together” she asks which I respond 17 years. “WOW!”

I get no gratification for throwing it in her face that I am in a long-term relationship but when you tell a person like her who is against gay relationships that you have been together for 17 years and they have a “WOW” response, it makes you feel good.  Like “IN YOUR FACE” or something.  Not a mean in your face but you know.

I would say that I am the black sheep to half of my family because of my sexuality which if you think about it is such a stupid reason to be the black sheep.  I mean, I was born this way, you don’t make me a black sheep because I was born with hazel eyes and brown hair do you?  Of course not because that is absurd.  So why make me the black sheep because of my sexuality which I have no control over just like I have no control over the fact that I have male pattern baldness.

You know what I say to society, I’m here, I’m queer, get effing used to it biatches!  I’m in a committed long-term monogamous relationship with a person with whom I love and nothing anyone says about it is going to change that.  Get over your insecurities about gay people and realize we aren’t going to change.  We do have loving normal relationships just like all of you straight people.  The only difference is that we can’t get each other pregnant, which if you think about it is more of a blessing cause who wants that?  Not me!

I am so sick of people judging me so yeah, I get a little excited when someone who doesn’t approve has a moment when they are impressed by it.  As if I was ever seeking approval, I’m not but you know what I mean.

No matter what the circumstances are, she is my family and I respect her even though she may not respect me for being gay but goddamnit, it’s my life.  Be grateful I’m happy and I’m not miserable in a relationship with a woman who I am not sexually attracted to with children who probably hate me for taking out my aggression on them for having to be stuck in that marriage just to please your homophobic ass.

That’s all I have to say. *Steps off of my soap box*

Cycling Again

Last month I bought a new back wheel for my bicycle so that I could start getting exercise again.  The same exact day, Chips deceased cousins girlfriend bought a vintage 10-speed road bike because I told her I was getting my new wheel and that if she had a bike we could go bike riding together.  We rode exactly 2 times together last month.  I didn’t ride on my own though.

This month we rode once, yesterday and I told her that if this is going to work we are going to have to do this more often, like every day at least.  Since we are both out of shape then perhaps every other day until our leg muscles are more used to it.

I spent a long time figuring out the perfect route for bike riding and unfortunately she doesn’t like my route because it’s the same thing every time and she likes to take short cuts, which defeats the purpose of the ride.  My route has no heavy traffic to cross, all neighborhoods and when we are on the busy roads they have bike lanes.  I pride myself on my organization skills whether anyone likes it or not, typically nobody likes it but me.

My cell phone hasn’t worked in years and I really need to keep a cell phone with me at all times when I’m out on the bike trail so I bought a refurbished Samsung T401G from Net10 which is the same exact phone Darrin has, only I paid $25 for mine since it was refurbished and it comes with a $25 phone card.  Basically I got the phone for free hehe.  But it’s a very nice phone compared to what I would have gotten had I gotten the cheaper phone if I had gone to Sears to buy it today.

Even though we are going to ride every other day, I am going to ride every day if I can (as soon as my new phone arrives) because I have more weight to lose than she does and I am determined to lose it.

I will be suggesting an alternate route for her which is her car.  We were crossing such heavy traffic yesterday and it really freaked me out so if she wants to do this she can drive her bike there and I can meet her on the trail.  I think that is a good plan.  I get more exercise and she gets the amount of exercise she is satisfied with, it’s a win win for everyone involved.

My New Bike Wheel

Some time last year the back wheel on my bicycle bit the dust.  I don’t know what happened but the axle unscrewed to one side which made the nuts and ball bearings fall out.  I really screwed up that wheel and haven’t been able to afford a new one.

I’ve made it my ultimate priority this month to buy a new wheel because I am just getting too heavy not being able to exercise.  Since I have a bad back I need a low impact cardio exercise and it’s the perfect exercise machine.

Chips cousins life partner just so happened to buy a vintage 10 speed road bicycle today so now we can get out on the bike trail together.  She hasn’t been on a bicycle in 30 years so she is pretty out of shape.  It’s been a year for me and I know I’m out of shape but not as much as her so we’re going to take it real slow for her sake.

I’m really happy and very excited that I can start riding the bike to the store again because walking to the store and carrying groceries was wreaking havoc on my back and my hands/wrists because of my carpal tunnel syndrome and degenerative disc disease.  I hate the aging process lol.

I didn’t get a picture but I’m sure you know what a bicycle wheel looks like lol.

Pray the Gay Away?

Thanks to the Oprah Winfrey Network (the new OWN channel) we have some new shows to watch on TV and Our America with Lisa Ling is among one of them that I am interested in watching.

Todays episode was “Pray the Gay Away?” along with a very special primetime episode of the new Gayle King Show where they discuss the episode, take calls and talk to participants from the documentary.

I think that every gay person has their own beliefs as to why there is homosexuality. My own partner of 17 years believes that he is gay because of his parents’ failed marriage when his father came back from the Korean War in the mid 50’s. His father came home mentally traumatized and their relationship ended and his father eventually passed away. He believes that the destruction of his parents marriage and subsequent death is what turned him gay. And he has every right to have his opinion whether I or anyone else disagrees with it.

I personally believe that I was born this way because I’ve always had an attractiveness towards the same-sex since I met a cute boy named Ruben when I was 4 years old. I had dreams about him and I just knew that I liked him. There was nothing out of the ordinary that made me choose to like him, I just did.

I mean, one could argue that I may have turned gay because of the abuse I endured throughout my childhood but I didn’t know any better. I thought it was normal for parents to beat their children and call them stupid and retarded and worthless among other names. I saw the way my aunt and uncle raised their 3 kids which was basically the same or worse so that there told me, it’s normal. My cousins were treated way worse than I was and they all turned out straight and so did my sister.

So in my case I just don’t believe that my being abused the same way as 4 other people had any impact on my sexuality because I was the only gay one.

I do have other cousins from a different aunt and uncle who treated their kids like human beings and 2 of them turned out lesbian after suffering no childhood trauma. So what does that tell you? They raised 5 kids and 2 of them turned out differently despite all of them being treated with the same love.

The argument that there is no evidence of a gay gene and that it’s all taught to you, you are born straight but you turn gay from your environment is all bullcrap to me. Maybe the gay gene isn’t meant to be found, maybe we’re chosen for this life for population control or who knows, maybe something else.

This Exodus group tells people that they can change and I feel it is wrong because the only person who can change you is you. If you are gay and you are just so unhappy about it and want to put in the effort to turn straight then go for it. Don’t expect for it to work because you will always be gay no matter what they tell you. But if you are in that much pain about it and you have the will power then fine. Do what you like, it’s your body. But don’t turn around and condemn those who refuse to live a lie for the rest of their existence.

This one woman (whose name escapes me) who is a pastor and says she was a lesbian for 14 or so years but then decided to be straight, she compares homosexuality with addiction to drugs or alcohol. I can’t even begin to think what Bullcrap that is because I’ve been gay for 40 years and celibate for the last 10. I am not going through withdrawals lol. I didn’t go through withdrawals 10 years ago, 5 years ago, 2 years ago, 1 year ago or today. I am completely withdrawal free and unfortunately still sex free but that was never my choice, it was the choice of my partner who has erectile dysfunction (he’s 21 years older than I am) so I have to respect that.

Of course being a born again Christian he tells people that he is abstaining from sex not because of his “ED” but because he is a “non-practicing homosexual” so the church won’t kick him out. And hey, if that’s what you have to do then that’s what you have to do. I have no ill feelings about him for any of that.

That only thing that pissed me off throughout the whole show was that ex-lesbian woman comparing sexuality to addiction. I think that I am living proof that it was never an issue of “I gotta have it” because I don’t gotta have anything. I can certainly abstain with the help of my old childhood friend Tom Thumb and his 4 brothers.

Look if you are a born again christian and you feel that being gay means you are going to hell for it and don’t want that then change yourself because that is what you want to do. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking it’s wrong because it’s not wrong, it’s natural to want to live a happy life and for someone to tell you that you are sinning are themselves sinning for taking gods job away by acting as judge. There is a recession so let God do his job.

It’s 2011. When is racism and bigotry going to end? Is it going to be soon?

We all believe in what we all want to believe in and these opinions are what I believe in. Thank you for reading.

As for my relationship, our 17 year anniversary is in 2 1/2 weeks. Even I can’t believe it has been 17 years. I am with the person I was meant to be with whether sex is involved in the relationship or not. Sex doesn’t make a relationship, it is only a part of it and who says it even has to be any part of it after so many years? We love each other just the way we are, thin or fat, sick or healthy, till death do we part. In this life and the next as I feel I have found my true soul mate and no church can convince us otherwise.

The Situation With My Bike

A couple of months ago my bike bit the dust. Well, the back wheel did. What happened was, I rode it to the store and all was ok, it started wobbling but not enough for me to stop and take notice. When I left the store, I unlocked my bike, put the groceries in the bag on the back rack and left. That’s when it took a turn for the worst. Get it? It’s a wheel… it took a “turn”… no?

Anyway, as I was leaving the space that I locked it up at, I got on it and started riding away. It was wobbling something terrible and I got off of it but couldn’t see anything wrong. I got back on it and continued to ride. All of a sudden something terrible happened and I had to get off the bike.

The sun was going down so it was hard to see what was wrong but I did notice that the long screw that holds the wheel onto the bike in the middle had unscrewed all the way over on the left side. The nuts on the right side were missing and so was everything else that was supposed to be in there. I didn’t see anything on the ground so I don’t know when that happened.

I walked the bike home which was a huge mistake, I should have gone across the street from where I was to use Chips cousins phone to have him come get me and the bike because walking it home ruined the back wheel.

The end of the long screw was digging into the middle of the wheel which screwed it up so much that the bike store told me that they can’t fix my wheel, I’d have to buy a new one which is $39.95 plus tax plus $7 to install.

I don’t know if by install they mean they will take the gears (cassette?) off my old wheel and put them on the new wheel or if he means that the new wheel has all the gears on it and installing means placing it on my bike frame. All I know is if it’s the latter, why should I pay someone $7 to do something that I can do for free.

I have put so much money into this mountain bike of mine, I just can’t keep sinking more and more money into it. The only original thing that is left on it is the frame and the chain. Everything else has been replaced.

When I had my first accident on the Oak st. bridge, I had to replace the handlebar stem and a new front wheel. I had to replace the pedals because one of them was broken because it was cheap plastic. My seat was making me impotent so I had to buy an ergo seat which gave me back problems and shoulder pain that wouldn’t go away for 8 months which is why I had to replace the handlebars with beach cruiser handlebars. My front tire got a bubble in it and broke the wiring for my bike computer so I had to buy a new computer and new tires.

I’m just going to get the new wheel and get it over with. I need my bike back for going to doctors appointments. I refuse to take the bus to visit the doctor with lunatics getting in my face at the bus station downtown. I also need it for the daily trip to the grocery store and so I can get back on the bike trail and lose this weight.

Happy Halloween

Halloween is one of my favorite times of year.  Not just because you have a legit excuse to eat candy but because it’s a day that you can pretend to be something you aren’t.

I loved Halloween as a kid but my mother was poor, she couldn’t always buy me a costume.  One year she put an old sheet over me with holes in it for the eyes.  It wasn’t a great costume since it was a pink flowered sheet.  I don’t think anyone was convinced I was a ghost lol.

Sometimes she would get her make-up out and dress me up as a hobo.  I would wear my oldest clothes that had holes in them and she would get them dirty and make the holes bigger.  She would put a 5-o’clock shadow on my face and then she would find a stick and tie a bandanna on one end and it would have socks in it to make it look like it had stuff in there.

Some years when she had the money she would buy a costume but I was never given a choice in the matter.  Here is an example:

This is a pretty lame costume but it’s the only Halloween photo I have.  I was the easter bunny for Halloween lol.

The costumes weren’t always this lame though.  Some years I was dressed up as a clown with the clown hair, some years a cowboy and since my parents loved country music, we all had cowboy hats so that costume didn’t cost a dime.  One year my parents bought fatigues for everyone and we were army people.

No matter how good or bad our costumes were, it was fun to go out and be someone else for a few hours.

When we were old enough, when I was 9, we were sent out on our own.  My sister was 11 and she usually baby sat me anyway and it was a bunch of us, my 3 cousins, my sister and I, we would go around the neighborhood trick or treating in the neighboring apartment buildings.

My parents never took our candy away from us and mixed them together, although they did go through them to make sure there were no razor blades and they would toss out all the fruit.  But then we were given the rest in our bag and allowed to eat that as we wanted to, which was usually until we ended up too sick to eat any more.  Then of course when our tummies felt better we would eat more until eventually the candy was gone.  The bags usually lasted a few days.

Just because I’m all grown up doesn’t mean I don’t still enjoy the holiday.  I started carving pumpkins around 1997 with those cool pattern books with the saws and I would carve a few patterns every year.  The last year I carved a pumpkin was in 2007, that’s because Darrin joined a church that doesn’t allow their members to enjoy Halloween and he wouldn’t let me put my pumpkins outside anymore out of fear that he would get kicked out of his church.

My fun was stamped on but I still enjoy Halloween and I will never stop because I feel that my body may be getting old, my mind is still that little child in that bunny costume.

Happy Halloween everyone!  I hope it’s a great one and I hope you don’t get too many cavities from all the candy you are about to consume.