It all started out with looking at my AOL buddy list then double clicking a name and saying hi to Chips cousins girlfriend.

We get in this conversation about her girlfriend being in the hospital which turns into me talking about my childhood lol.  I focused the conversation from her girlfriend in the hospital to my childhood trauma lol.

The more we talk about it, the more adrenaline pumps into my body and I start getting angry and then the testosterone starts pumping in and next thing you know, I’m wide awake at 2:30am.

I finally took an ambien which won’t work without food so I had a banana but I have a feeling I’m gonna need some toast.  Ok so I don’t need it, I’m craving it lol.

Why is it that when talking about my childhood my body starts to go through something else?  Most people would cry about it and get over it and it’s done.  But me, I don’t cry, I want to punch someone and since it’s not my style I want to punch something.  But since punching things also isn’t my style (I’m too cheap to damage things I have to replace) then the next best thing is to start growling and just being pissed off lol.

As I’m back in time in my head I’m yelling IN MY HEAD at people who are talking trash to me and I’m punching them in the face lol.  I guess it’s better and less illegal to punch a memory in your mind lol.

This would be a great time to start writing about what happened but I’d rather keep writing in chronological order when I write my book so I’ll wait.  Those memories aren’t gonna go away so I can put them in the back of the closet for a while until I get to them and then watch out lol.

Anyway, off to bed when I get food in me and the ambien kicks in.  Relaxing helps calm me down long enough to go to sleep because it stops my brain from working overtime lol.