How I Beat Insomnia

insomnia

Insomnia sucks. You lie in bed in a dark silent room with your eyes closed hoping to drift off to sleep, but all you can think about is new ways to beat the bad guys in your favorite video game, or how you would design your tiny house layout. Maybe you are thinking of something that someone said and it is bugging the heck out of you. Perhaps you are having flashbacks of a time when you were treated poorly by someone or a group of people. Or fill in the blanks.

That’s been my problem for several years. I remember a time when I could barely keep my eyes open after midnight when Ghost Hunters was doing a live ghost hunt on Halloween, but for the last few years, staying up past midnight was a non issue. In fact, I was lucky if I was going to bed by 5am. Insomnia has been awful for me for a very long time. I was taking Ambien for more than 10 years, then the insurance stopped paying for it, or any other sleeping pills for that matter. I’ve been buying over the counter sleeping pills. Your body becomes immune after taking so many sleeping pills. One of my doctors told me to take Benadryl, and I did, but that too stopped making me sleep. I thought about buying NyQuil, but that can get expensive.

So how did I beat insomnia? I bought a FitBit earlier this year, and it has an alarm on it that vibrates to wake you up. I decided to start using it, so I would set the alarm for 8am. The first couple of days I would wake up and 8am, but press the button and go back to sleep. Then I decided to get up at 8am, but by 10am I was sleepy again, so I would take a nap. I tried staying awake as long as I could, and try as I might I would still fall asleep after noon around 1pm or 2pm. I tried my best to stay awake, so when I would find myself drifting off to sleep, I would sit up and drink something cold and get up and walk around. Sometimes I would get in the shower because washing your body usually wakes you up.

It might have taken me 2 weeks to finally get to the point where even though the alarm is set for 8am, I wake up at 6am. Of course I try to go back to sleep and wake up at 8, but there are days where I’m so awake that I just can’t possibly go back to sleep, so I just get up. Now when I’m watching my shows at night, I’ll start drifting off to sleep at like 9 or 10pm and I’m asleep all night until 6 or 8am. No more sleeping pills.

We have a new doctor who is Hindu and he told me I could try meditation and I have tried meditation in the past, but I’ve gotten to the point where it just puts me to sleep. I mean like during the day. I think trying to meditate at night when you are trying to fall asleep is a great idea, but I don’t need to meditate to fall asleep anymore since my body has gotten used to calling it a day by 9pm. So I don’t need medication, nor do I need meditation to sleep.

It’s a wonderful feeling when you are able to fall asleep at a decent hour, despite the fact that I don’t have a job to go to in the morning.

I’m Drugged up with Adrenaline

It all started out with looking at my AOL buddy list then double clicking a name and saying hi to Chips cousins girlfriend.

We get in this conversation about her girlfriend being in the hospital which turns into me talking about my childhood lol.  I focused the conversation from her girlfriend in the hospital to my childhood trauma lol.

The more we talk about it, the more adrenaline pumps into my body and I start getting angry and then the testosterone starts pumping in and next thing you know, I’m wide awake at 2:30am.

I finally took an ambien which won’t work without food so I had a banana but I have a feeling I’m gonna need some toast.  Ok so I don’t need it, I’m craving it lol.

Why is it that when talking about my childhood my body starts to go through something else?  Most people would cry about it and get over it and it’s done.  But me, I don’t cry, I want to punch someone and since it’s not my style I want to punch something.  But since punching things also isn’t my style (I’m too cheap to damage things I have to replace) then the next best thing is to start growling and just being pissed off lol.

As I’m back in time in my head I’m yelling IN MY HEAD at people who are talking trash to me and I’m punching them in the face lol.  I guess it’s better and less illegal to punch a memory in your mind lol.

This would be a great time to start writing about what happened but I’d rather keep writing in chronological order when I write my book so I’ll wait.  Those memories aren’t gonna go away so I can put them in the back of the closet for a while until I get to them and then watch out lol.

Anyway, off to bed when I get food in me and the ambien kicks in.  Relaxing helps calm me down long enough to go to sleep because it stops my brain from working overtime lol.

Necklace for Beth

Well I finally made the jewelry for Beth. I made the bracelet last night and I tried making the necklace last night but I didn’t plan it out right so I had to take it apart. I was in an ambien haze so I had to stop and go to bed because I was messing it up more than it was. I finished it this morning.

I don’t know if it is gift worthy. It looks like something a pre-schooler would make lol. I mean the bracelet is fine but the beads in the necklace didn’t come out as I had planned. They are supposed to be psychedelic but instead they look ridiculous.  They have fingerprints all over them too lol.  I’ve never bought beads with fingerprints on them.  And the holes that I stuck through them for the hemp cord wasn’t straight so some of the beads stick out further.

I need to NOT make any more beads with Polymer clay until I know what I’m doing lol.

I don’t know if I’m too embarrassed by this necklace to even give it to her at all.  Since we didn’t have any money for Toys ‘R’ Us I thought that homemade jewelry would be nice but it’s not as nice after all.  Darrin has a Sears card which works at Kmart so we’re gonna go there to get her a toy or something.

Notice how I’m not so embarrassed that I’m blogging about it with a picture?

A Ring? For Moi?

I’m waiting for my ambien to kick in (as it is while I’m typing) and I was looking for free patterns for making hemp hippie jewelry like rings and necklaces.  I made the bracelet but I want more lol.

So I found this website that actually sells the rings for about $5 and thought, well shoot, that’s easy, that’s the same exact pattern I used for the bracelet.  Left right 10 times, add a bead, left right 10 times then tie the bottom to itself to form a ring.  Done.

So I present you with my new hippie ring since I am too broke to buy a real ring for myself.  I actually like it way better than an expensive ring because I have skin allergies to metal which is why I never wear jewelry unless it’s pure gold.  That’s the only metal I can wear is pure gold.  Anything else gives me some strange effect where it oozes and scabs up lol.  It took me years for my ears to heal when I was a teenager because they didn’t pierce them with gold.

Anyway, tell me what you think… too gay?  Ask me how much I care lol.  I’m going to make the matching necklace tomorrow lol.  Chew on that.

Hunger Pangs

Yesterday and today were Chips days off so I didn’t ride the bike the entire weekend.  I thought my body was getting used to the new diet or the new portions, in fact it was doing pretty good.  So I was a little confused today when I had my slim fast shake at 11:45am, I was really getting hungry.  But then at 1:45pm the hunger pangs came back with a vengeance.

For the last couple of weeks that I’ve been on the slim fast and measuring my portions my hunger pangs haven’t been bothering me so I don’t know why today.

I decided that I couldn’t wait until 6pm to eat so I just ate an energy bar, a Tiger’s Milk bar.  But then Darrin said hey let’s go to the store and get some steak for dinner to BBQ.  So we went and even got some salad stuff and a can of beans because what’s a BBQ without beans and salad?

Unfortunately he couldn’t wait for 6pm since he didn’t even eat any lunch so we ate at 3pm lol.  Which was ok for my stomach I guess but then when 6pm came around I started getting hungry again grrrr.  And now, it’s just turning 11pm and guess what?

Well, I gotta take an ambien anyway to get me to sleep, I can’t sleep without it because the BiPap mask keeps me awake so I gotta take a pill to be able to fall asleep with that thing.  The Ambien doesn’t really work without food so I’ll eat a banana, that should work.

I’m out of cereal so tomorrow morning I’m going to just have a slim fast shake.  I wanted to limit myself to 1 shake per day or if I had a very light dinner then just add the shake.  If you haven’t noticed, Slim Fast is expensive lol.  So that’s ok, I can actually have a shake for breakfast and then later tomorrow buy some more Raisin Bran cereal for breakfast the next day.

Weight Loss

I’m going to be brief because I just took an ambien about 30 minutes ago and it’s kicking in.

Yesterday and today I’ve been following a new way of eating.  Muffin for breakfast (today bran muffin yuck hehe) and slim fast shake for lunch then whatever for dinner.  Tonight we went to Young’s grocery store and got the Chinese food but only ate half of it.  I’m saving the rest for tomorrow nights dinner.

So far a couple lbs lost.  Tomorrow I’m going to ride the bike with this diet and we’ll see how it goes as far as how hungry I will be and how much energy I have from taking Slim Fast Optima.  We will see.

Will The New Diet Stick?

Yesterday I went to the grocery store and bought about 10 power bars and 4 tigers milk bars for my bike rides so that should last me awhile.  Well, at least 14 rides anyway.  Actually that should last me the whole month since I ride 3 days a week.  Plus I bought 2 cans of Slim Fast Ultima.

I also bought a box of muffins because they were reduced for quick sale.  It had 2 bran muffins and 2 blueberry muffins.  I ate 1 blueberry muffin for breakfast and a slim fast shake for lunch then nothing all day until dinner time and we went to Que Pasa for dinner where I had a 2 item combo, beef Enchilada and beef burrito with rice and beans on the plate.  Then with my ambien I had a banana.  Food helps the ambien kick in faster.

It seems to have done some good for me because I’ve finally noticed some weight loss on the scale.

While I was at the store yesterday I bought 2 bags of the salad mix so when dinner rolls around I can eat some salad instead of the usual pasta or pizzas that we eat.

It’s time for me to start taking responsibility for what I eat and just say no when confronted with certain foods that I like.  I REALLY want to lose this weight but at the same time all this food is coming at me left and right, sometimes I just can’t say no.

I was going to ride today but my thighs are just in so much agony so I’m going to just stay home.  Our new tenant moved in yesterday and I’m going to help them with the rest of the heavy stuff in the U-Haul.  It rained yesterday from about 3pm until late last night but the street seems to be dry as a bone now.  I was going to use that as my excuse for not riding but frankly I can’t lol.  I’m just going to say that my legs are tired, I’ll do it tomorrow.

T-Minus 9 Hours

Hehe I’m counting down the time before I go out on the bike.  I’m really excited about finally being able to ride my bike again.  I really hope that I don’t have any problems with the wheel.

If everything is ok then great.  But whether it goes bad or is all good I’m going to still return the wheel to the bike shop and see if they have the correct wheel.  If not then I’ll see if they have the correct tire to go with that wheel.  I just don’t want to have any issues with it. But I want to be positive about it and hope that it all goes well.

You know when it’s going to be Christmas in the morning or you know that your parents are going to take you to Disneyland in the morning so you can’t go to sleep because that’s all you can think about?  That’s how I feel right now.  I took an ambien because I know I won’t be able to sleep.  Then again I have ADHD anyway so I know that I won’t be able to sleep lol.  But you know, I’m real excited.

I am not so excited that I’m going to wear all my biking gear and clothes with shoes to bed so I can just wake up and run out the back door and not have to worry about putting on my helmet and backpack and sunglasses because they are already on.  No, I’m not THAT excited.  Just regular excited.

That last paragraph was for Sue who tried to make fun of me and I was a douche nozzle to her.  So there you go Sue.  I really hope you got a kick out of it.

Can’t Sleep

I have to take Ambien to help me sleep because I have ADHD really bad.  If I don’t take a sleeping pill I’m up all night.  I’m a real bad insomniac.  I would love to be able to just lay down and bam I’m asleep but I can only do that when I’m so exhausted from lack of sleep lol.

I also have Sleep Apnea which means I gotta wear a mask on my face which forces air into my lungs through my nose and that’s also why I need ambien.  Believe me, if you were me you would not say jack shit about drug abuse by taking ambien because wearing that mask and having the air forced into your lungs doesn’t make falling asleep easy.  I’ve had it for a few years too and I still can’t sleep without a sleeping pill.

My problem though is that I think I’m becoming immune to the effects of the ambien which is why I lay in bed for 2 hours with my eyes closed but brain still open for business.

Well, my first ambien I took was only half a pill (for this very reason) so I’ve already taken the other half and now I’m ready to get back in bed.

Until tomorrow…