In August I went to the doctor to get help for an issue I was having with my parotid gland on my right side. I had a cat scan with contrast and they found several stones and the only way that I can get them out is with surgery to remove the entire gland. The problem is, it will leave a huge scar on the side of my face that will look like the image to the left.
Most people wouldn’t want to have a huge scar on their face of all places. I mean, a scar on your arm or your leg or stomach is normal, but your face, that’s like the one place that you want to keep scar free. Well, without thinking I said that if this is my only option other than living with it, then just do it because I can’t continue living with this horrible pain.
I still feel that I want to get the surgery, but I have also sort of gone into a depression knowing that I’m going to have this on my face soon. Not only will I have this on November 20th, but I will have a tube sticking out for 7 days which means it will be removed the day before Thanksgiving. I will have a fresh scar during the holidays. I know that the holidays are just like any other day to me, but I still don’t understand why I couldn’t have had the surgery by now so it’s all healed up BEFORE the holidays. I mean, this started in August and we’re in November now.
I’m sorry, I’m scatterbrained. I’m just going through something right now. I know it’s all mental, but still, I just don’t want to have to be out in public with this on my face for Thanksgiving, especially since we always go to a restaurant for that holiday. I know it’s probably silly and you are thinking oh get a grip, get over it, but wouldn’t you be worried about this too?
This is going to go one of two ways, one I will be fine and I won’t think it’s that big of a deal and we will go out and eat and it will be fine. Or, I will be so depressed that I won’t be able to get out of bed until New Years.
The issue here is this is my face, which is the first thing that people see. People judge you as a person before they even talk to you. I know, RuPaul says it’s none of my business what other people think of me and I usually think that too, but it’s my FACE! Why does this have to happen to me just before Thanksgiving, or at all for that matter?
As if I haven’t been through enough in my life with being diagnosed with HIV at age 21, then upgraded to AIDS at 23, being diagnosed with having Parkinson’s, Scoliosis, being homeless as a teenager just because I was gay and being abused throughout my childhood. It just seems like I am a target for something messed up. Why me? Why do I have such a messed up life?
Well, I guess I should just be thankful that I am still alive despite the fact that I was supposed to die in 2000 and nearly died in 2002 from Steven-Johnson syndrome, which is another messed up thing that happened to me lol. Eh hem, as I was saying, at least I have a roof over my head and I’m somewhat healthy and not homeless.
I suppose it could be worse. I could be homeless and not have any medical insurance and would have to just live with the pain for the rest of my life. So I guess I should be lucky that I can have the surgery. But I still can’t help but feel depressed about the scar. UGH! Life sucks.