The Situation Roast Fail

Did anyone catch the roast of Donald Trump last night?  It repeated and I watched it 3 times.  It was just so funny that I couldn’t resist.

There were some very funny people and one not so funny person, the Situation.  I don’t know who wrote his jokes for him, that is if he didn’t write them himself, but assuming he wrote them I think he should have gotten some advice from a professional comedian to help him with his homework.  He didn’t do so good.

A couple of his jokes were funny but the rest was just tragic.  I really started to feel sorry for him.  If that were me I wouldn’t have kept going, I would’ve stopped and said “ok that’s my time, you’ve been great” then slunk back to my chair to sit quietly, or leave to go crawl under a rock for the rest of my life lol.  But he didn’t, he just kept going because he apparently thought he was funny enough to continue despite all the people who were booing him.

I don’t watch Jersey Shore so his jokes were lost on me and apparently nobody else who was there watch the show so maybe that’s why his jokes were lost on everyone.

His roast of Whitney Cummings was ok, poorly executed but ok but his roast of Anthony Jeselnik is where things went wrong.  He said that he was telling one of Anthony’s jokes to a super model while he was banging her with tons of money on the floor in his mansion.  Who says that?  Then he said he banged 5 or 6 more models.  That’s not even funny.  Was he trying to say that he’s a stud?  Because bragging like that just makes you look even more pathetic.

Well, despite this idiot, the roast was great.  Anthony Jeselnik was a great replacement for our friend Greg Giraldo who passed away last year (rest in peace).

Mike… keep your day job, whatever that might be.

Watch the clips of his suckfest then watch the funny clips on the Comedy Central website.

Advertisements

Kathy Griffin Has Inspired Me

I knew that if I read Kathy Griffin’s autobiography about her life that I would learn a thing or two about how to write an autobiography.

Sure, I could’ve chosen to read a book from someone who was gay bashed by bullies and their own parents (which is the main focus of this book) but well, frankly, I couldn’t find any.  And actually, Kathy’s book is the perfect choice because she was bullied in school and she was almost molested like me.  Although our situations are different, their not too far apart.

In fact, they are pretty much the same except she was only kissed by a 28-year-old when she was 13, I was lead around the house with my balls being held onto tightly when I was 15 before being tongue raped by a 50 something year old ex-prostitute woman who was my mothers best friend.  Great, I just told you the whole story, now what incentive do you have to read my book?

Well, it’s not the only story but at any rate, she has given me more confidence in the way to structure my paragraphs and even adding pictures and other graphics.  Although, I won’t be using a tiara.  Maybe…

I haven’t finished her book yet but I have two-thirds of the book to go.  It’s a very interesting read if you get a chance to pick up a copy or buy an e-book version of it.  Even if you don’t like her you will find her book easy to read, heart breaking and hilarious all at the same time.  I laughed, I cried, I screamed in pain because I passed a kidney stone while reading.  Ok that last part wasn’t true but I did cry for her pain and I laughed at her jokes.

So now that I’m inspired by her writing, even though I’m not finished with her book I feel more comfortable to continue writing at night which is usually when I have more energy to write since I have insomnia.  Why I get energy late at night I have no idea.  It just happens that way.

Hacked Yahoo Emails

I got a strange email from my sister the other day with a link in it (which I won’t add here for your safety) and stupidly I clicked it but I closed the browser before anything could happen. I have wonderful anti-virus program that would’ve caught anything if I were infected.

I know that my sister did not send me that email because number 1 she’s in a bad place right now, her computer was stolen so she doesn’t have the means to send me that email and even if she had a way of sending me an email she would not send me a link with no text explaining what the link was or shy she sent it to me. Also, she wouldn’t email me, she would use to contact me.

Then this morning a friend sent me this email:

“I have a Japanese friend told me that he worked in a Japanese company. I visited the company he worked for and found the products very favorable. And there are many product versions, such as the European version, American version, and the Asian version and so on. All company’s products take photos for the true products. I suggest you should have a look in this website. There is the company website: (link omitted) , You can enjoy a lot of benefits in the second shopping time. Thank you ! k”

I know this isn’t from him because he signed it “K” and he wouldn’t have signed it with a letter, he would’ve signed it with his real name. And second, he never emails me. He doesn’t send me funny jokes or pictures of kittens or puppies or chain emails. He just doesn’t send anything. Not even an email saying hi. If he sees me online on MSN Messenger, well even then he doesn’t IM me. I usually have to IM him because he’s usually too busy to IM people.

So, my guess is that some how Matt and my sister have either clicked a link (when my sister still had access to a computer) and it gave them a virus which allows people to get your passwords or someone has hacked into the Yahoo mainframe. I don’t know which answer it is.

I am blogging about this so that if you have a @yahoo.com email address, back up your address book because what I know of hackers who do this kind of thing is that when they send these emails out to your friends they usually delete your address book / contact list. The only way to get that all back is by going through your sent folder and gathering all the addresses from the emails that were sent to your friends.

What should I do about hacked yahoo email? – Yahoo Answers

Good luck.

Roast of Joan Rivers

I do love those Comedy Central Roasts.  They are so funny and dirty.  I remember watching them in the 70’s and I don’t remember them cussing but they were dirty.

The panel or they call it Dais were so so.  I think it was about 50/50.  One of the people on there I’ve never heard of, Whitney Cummings.  Who the hell is she?  I appreciate a good gay joke but come on, this ho bag made a crack about Mario Cantone having AIDS and about him being a child molester.  Sorry but it’s not funny.  And they kept making these fried chicken and watermelon jokes about Robin Quivers.  Also not funny.

They filmed this in July 2009 which was around the time that 4 stars passed away, one of them being David Caradine.  I think there were about 3 jokes about him which I think was too soon for that.  Yes it was funny but still too soon.

Also TV Guide said that Lily Tomlin was going to be in it but she wasn’t.  That was disappointing because I love her and I would’ve loved to see her make fun of the panel.

I think the best moment in this show was the beginning when Joan came out onto the stage with 6 children with price tags on them and she said that Brad and Angelina were having a garage sale lol.

The only 2 comedians that I liked on there were Kathy Griffin and Jeffrey Ross.  Besides the terrible fried chicken joke to Robin he was pretty good.  He was probably the best one out of them all of course besides Kathy Griffin and of course besides Joan Rivers at the very end.  She did pretty good too.

No More Corresponding

Remember the day when you would sit at a desk and write a letter to someone with an actual pen and paper?  Sometimes you mess up so you have to crumble up the paper and throw it away and the trash can would be halfway full of crumbled up paper.  You wanted to get it right because there was no delete button and there was no spell check.  Then once you were finished you folded it up and stuffed it into an envelope and wrote your address and their address and put a 10¢ stamp on it then put it in your mailbox to go out the next day.  Remember that?

Well, then the internet came along and that made it so much easier to sit at your home computer (mac or pc) and you could email your letter instead.  You sat there thinking what you wanted to say so you didn’t sound too weird or something.  Now of course you could delete and spell check then the person gets it in the blink of an eye.

What happened to that?  It seems that I don’t get any emails from family or friends anymore except for the ones that are forwarded to me from other people who have either jokes, funny pictures of dogs or cats or some old lady comic strip.  Most of the emails people forward to me are all telling me about some kid who has cancer and you have to forward it to 10 people.  Or about being careful not to get out of the car with the keys in the ignition because you see a note in the back of the car.

For once I’d like to get an email from someone telling me how their day or week was.  An email saying hi how are you.  I email people constantly and sometimes they actually respond but then that’s it.  If I don’t start a conversation then the conversation never gets had.

What is the point of having email if nobody will actually email you something that they wrote instead of just using other crap people have sent them.

I think that’s one of the reasons why I blog so much because I’ve gotten to the point where nobody emails me so why should I email them.  So if I have something that I want to get out, I’m just gonna blog it and if someone cares enough to read it then they can respond either in email or they can leave a comment.

I know someone out there knows what I’m talking about.