Swollen Parotid Gland

swollen parotid gland

There is this strange thing that happens to me at the very least 1 time and at the most 4 times per year.  My Parotid glands swell up because there is a blockage and it hurts like a mother effer.  I wouldn’t normally use such profanity, but it really hurts lol.

What is the Parotid gland?  Nobody has ever heard that term, but apparently it’s a saliva gland.  This is where your saliva comes from, well, one of the many glands anyway.  I am not a medical professional or even a student so don’t listen to what I’m about to say if you expect to get an education from this, this is only my assumption based on my experience with this.

So you have these glands that produce your saliva.  They release saliva through veins that run from the gland to the inside of your mouth and it oozes out into your mouth.  If there is a block, your gland fills up with saliva and you can literally push on it and you can feel, and even see saliva squirting out of the inside of your cheek either into your mouth, or on the bathroom mirror depending on the direction of the vein and the position you are facing the mirror.  No joke lol.

When I feel it filling up, I push on it and it releases the saliva which gives me some relief, but sometimes the block is so bad that even pushing on it won’t release the saliva.  This happens to me all the time.  Although, pushing on it really hurts until the saliva squirts out, but then it still hurts, but it does give me some relief for a while until it fills back up.  I try not to think of anything that will make me salivate, but then everything makes me salivate.  I can’t win.  It’s like trying to think about baseball when you have an erection, it doesn’t always work.

About 2 weeks ago I could feel swelling and pain from my Parotid gland and we went to our regular appointment and the doctor gave me some antibiotics which was supposed to help.  The doctor told me that if it doesn’t help then I may need surgery.  When we went back a week later it seemed like it had gotten better because it wasn’t as swollen.  The doctor asked me if I wanted surgery and I said it wasn’t necessary.  Oh boy was I wrong.

Saturday evening the Parotid gland had swollen up again so I pushed on it and the saliva went through the veins, but then got stuck so there was a little bubble with saliva sitting in that vein and it couldn’t exit.  It’s still there.  That one little tiny mistake has given me massive amounts of pain since Saturday night.  I’m not the kind of person who cries when he’s in pain because I am literally always in pain so I’m used to it.  When I broke my arm earlier this year I didn’t cry once.  This swollen Parotid gland and saliva bubble pain is so bad that I want to cry.  I haven’t, but I want to.  Or maybe I’ve just bottled my pain emotion so much that I just want to let it out lol.

So I called the doctor’s office yesterday and they scheduled me to come in today at 11:30 a.m.  The doctor gave me a prescription for Norco as well as 2 antibiotics which he said I don’t take right away, he said to wait for it to get worse.  WORSE?  Holy crap!  I went to Truxton Radiology and had an ultrasound then went back to the doctor’s office to have blood drawn for a test specifically for this problem.  He said I will get a letter in the mail with the information for the surgeon referral which will most likely have the appointment in the letter with an address.

I am ready for this thing to go away.  You have no idea how ready I am lol.  I am just sick and tired of being in pain all the time.  If it’s not one thing, it’s another.  If it’s not my curving back which turns out to be scoliosis, then it’s my freakin’ Parotid gland.  I guess that means I’m getting old lol.

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Jackson 3?

Joe Jackson has said in an interview “who else is going to raise those kids?”.  Uh, anybody but YOU!  He was saying that he can see some talent in Paris and that Blanket can dance.  He already sees dollar $ign$ in his eyes.  Can you imagine if this fool gets his hands on those kids?  History will repeat if he gets his hands on these children and I just know that he will start beating them and he will take their childhood away from them.

Michael Jackson said that when he thinks about Joe Jackson he regurgitates and Joe said “yeah, regurgitates all the way to the bank”.  This man has ice in his veins not blood.  He can not get his hands on these kids.  I think that if they want to be performers that should be their decision and not forced on them.

As I said earlier, Joe Jackson said there is nobody else to take care of the kids.  And you think that YOU are the only one who is capable of taking care of kids?  What about Janet?  What about Germaine?  What about Diana Ross?  What about their birth mother?!?!  I think there are plenty of people who are more capable of raising a child let alone 3 children than you are Mr. Jackson.  You need to go away and get off camera please.

Cake Anyone?

I like cake.  I guess you could say I love cake.  I love cake so much that if I died and they did an autopsy on me they would find that I have frosting flowing through my veins.

I was watching this show on Food channel which isn’t a channel I normally watch because I find myself drooling after awhile lol. This show was called Ace of Cakes and they really do make some cool looking cakes.  I have to give them props for that.  I went to their website to see how much they charge for a cake.  They say that since all of their cakes are different they can’t give you a specific price but they require a minimum of $1000 for all their cakes.

HOLY COW!  $1000?  For a cake?  I like cake but not that much.  Sorry but I can’t afford a $50 cake.  The best I can do are the $15 cakes at Albertsons.  If I were ordering cake for a wedding that would be one thing and even then I’d probably be looking at $200 at best.  But for a birthday party, the birthday boy/girl will have to settle for either homemade or grocery store cake lol.