Dear Santa Claus,
Hey dawg, long time no see. I haven’t seen you since the mid 80′s. Actually the last thing you ever got me was a carton of cigarettes when I was 16 years old. Yeah, uh, I meant to tell you that I appreciated not having to spend the money on them anyway but that wasn’t exactly on my list for that particular year. I think I would’ve rather just had a lump of coal.
I’m 40 now and I think I’ve been a very good little boy, go ahead, check your list there. See me?
Here is my new updated top 10 list of things that I would like to have for Christmas this year.
- A new pair of eyeballs so that I don’t have to wear glasses anymore.
- A new pair of hands/arms so I don’t have carpel tunnel syndrome anymore.
- A new spine so I don’t have arthritis in my back anymore.
- The fountain of youth at least to stop the wrinkles that are starting to form in my hands and on my face.
- A new tongue with all new taste buds and all new food cravings so I crave healthy foods instead of junk foods all the time.
- Energy and motivation to lose weight so I don’t have sleep apnea anymore.
- A new liver since mine has been abused by all the medicines I’ve been taking over the last 16 years to stay alive.
- Give me the patience and strength to put up with people who want to bring me down day in and day out.
- A closer relationship with my friends and family and maybe even more blog readers.
- And finally Santa, I’d like a new dish pan because mine is falling apart.
What did you think #10 would be? Peace on earth? I’m already making 9 unrealistic requests, the least I could do is ask for something practical that might be sold at Macy’s.