Dear Santa Claus,

Hey dawg, long time no see.  I haven’t seen you since the mid 80′s.  Actually the last thing you ever got me was a carton of cigarettes when I was 16 years old.  Yeah, uh, I meant to tell you that I appreciated not having to spend the money on them anyway but that wasn’t exactly on my list for that particular year.  I think I would’ve rather just had a lump of coal.

I’m 40 now and I think I’ve been a very good little boy, go ahead, check  your list there.  See me?

Here is my new updated top 10 list of things that I would like to have for Christmas this year.

1. A new pair of eyeballs so that I don’t have to wear glasses anymore.
2. A new pair of hands/arms so I don’t have carpel tunnel syndrome anymore.
3. A new spine so I don’t have arthritis in my back anymore.
4. The fountain of youth at least to stop the wrinkles that are starting to form in my hands and on my face.
5. A new tongue with all new taste buds and all new food cravings so I crave healthy foods instead of junk foods all the time.
6. Energy and motivation to lose weight so I don’t have sleep apnea anymore.
7. A new liver since mine has been abused by all the medicines I’ve been taking over the last 16 years to stay alive.
8. Give me the patience and strength to put up with people who want to bring me down day in and day out.
9. A closer relationship with my friends and family and maybe even more blog readers.
10. And finally Santa, I’d like a new dish pan because mine is falling apart.

What did you think #10 would be?  Peace on earth?  I’m already making 9 unrealistic requests, the least I could  do is ask for something practical that might be sold at Macy’s.