I’m going on my diet AGAIN

breaking the scale

Have you ever been in the situation where you are always struggling with your weight, but the person you live with can eat whatever, or decide they aren’t going to eat anything at all for days and end up losing tons of weight with little to no effort, but you are working your arse off to lose weight, but you end up gaining weight? Yeah, I’m there.

2 years ago I lost 70lbs with Noom and Weight Watchers frozen dinners. My partner was very supportive, and by supportive I mean he didn’t wave bags of potato chips or cookies in front of me and he didn’t constantly ask if I wanted to go to McDonald’s or Taco Bell. I felt like he was doing exactly the thing you are supposed to do when someone you live with is struggling with something.

Unfortunately, when the weight stopped coming off, he started wanting to go to certain restaurants and buy certain foods like cookies and chips and leaving them out in the open for me to eat. Sometimes he would try to hide food, but I would find it and end up eating it for him. I’m an addict. It’s like leaving bags of heroin on the coffee table for a drug addict, or stocking the fridge with nothing but alcohol for an alcoholic. He got sick of not being allowed to eat the foods he wanted to eat, so when I got down to a certain weight, he felt I was finished. I’m sorry, but when you have an addiction to something, it’s never over.

So here I am, having almost gained back every pound I had lost 2 years ago. We went to Food Maxx yesterday and bought 20 Weight Watchers Smart Ones frozen dinners. Tomorrow we are going back to the 99 cent store to buy 20 cans of Progresso soup. I can have a bowl of cheerios for breakfast with my almond and coconut Silk, a Slim Fast shake for my 10am snack, a bowl of Progresso Soup for lunch, another Slim Fast shake for my 3pm snack, a Weight Watchers Smart Ones frozen dinner with extra veggies added to it for dinner, and then another Slim Fast shake to curb my appetite when I get hungry again late at night. Once my stomach shrinks again I can remove that late night shake.

I don’t feel comfortable being out in public because I feel ugly. When my face is thin and my neck is trimmed down, I actually feel good about myself and my self esteem goes through the roof, but when I see my big round fat face and no neck again, I feel worthless. It’s a terrible feeling when you look at yourself in the mirror and you can’t stand the person you are looking at. It’s an even worse feeling when you start to cry. Why can’t I just be happy with how I look? Some people actually look good when they are fat, but I don’t feel that way about myself. And here’s the thing, it’s not like I’m morbidly obese like the people you see on My 600lb Life. I’m not anywhere near that weight. I’m talking 260lbs and the only thing fat on me is my face, neck, chest and stomach. And my stomach is a typical guy gut, that’s it, but somehow I feel morbidly obese. I feel like I’m lucky that I’m not 600lbs by now. I’m telling you, if it weren’t for willpower, I probably would be that fat right now.

The nutritionist at the clinic told me not to deny myself anything. Like if I want some ice cream I can have some ice cream, I can eat 1 serving of ice cream even every day if I want to, but you know what the serving size of ice cream is right? Half of a cup! Seriously? A half of a cup? That’s like 2 bites for a fat arse like me. It doesn’t even put a dent into my stomach. But you know what? I would rather have half of a cup a day than no ice cream at all for the rest of my life. I can’t buy ice cream because there is no way I’m just having 1/2 a cup, I end up packing a 8oz coffee cup with ice cream at least 3 times a day lol. It’s cheaper to buy the big cartons of ice cream, but it’s better to just buy one of those little tiny cups that only cost $1. That way I get ice cream, and I don’t have that temptation waiting for me in the kitchen.

Anyway, enough of me rambling on about it. Talking about it isn’t going to make it happen, I have to actually work my ARSE off to make it happen. That means I have to get back on my bicycle, or walking, or both.  I have a lot of work to do and I intend on doing it. Enough talking, start doing.

Noom Week 1 Weigh In

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Today was my first weigh in for week 1. I restarted my weight loss program with Noom less than a week ago, but for some reason, Noom wants me to weigh in twice a week and today was the first weigh in. I started out at 238 and today I was 234.6. I was actually 240 before I began my weight loss program, but I had already dropped 2lbs by the time I started, but I can’t count that. So as it stands I have lost 3.4lbs.

That’s good enough as far as I am concerned. You are only supposed to lose 2lbs a week, so I’m happy with 3.4lbs. I have been dieting and exercising, except yesterday I didn’t because I follow a routine now. I eat lunch at 12, then wait about half an hour before getting on the bicycle, then I try to be finished by 1:45 so I can get in the shower so I can watch tv with my partner. He likes to watch TV with me from 2pm to 5pm because that gives us time together. If we don’t, then we never see each other because of my video game addiction lol. So there is a reason for a routine.

My nutritionist wants me to follow a specific diet where my plate has 1/4 protein, 1/4 starch and 1/2 vegetables. Here are the papers she gave me which shows the plate planner, and breakfast, lunch and dinner.

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They don’t seem to be too bad. They are actually what SparkPeople wanted me to do, but the thing is, sometimes I don’t want to eat a specific thing. I usually only eat a Weight Watchers frozen dinner which is green in the Noom app. Hey, I lost 70lbs with the weight watchers frozen dinners, so how can I go wrong?

I will do my best to eat a healthy diet, but I can’t promise I will be able to fill a plate since I usually just eat my food from a bowl. If I eat pasta or rice and meat and vegetables, I usually mix the entire amount and eat it in a bowl. I find it better to combine everything because it puts sauce on the veggies so I don’t have to use margarine or butter. Oh and I asked her about that, and she told me to use lemon in place of butter. I haven’t tried that yet, but I have a feeling it isn’t going to be the same thing lol.

Well, I can’t promise I will eat a 3 or 4 course meal, but I will promise to do the best that I can with what I can actually afford on my disability checks. So far the best option for me is 1 weight watchers frozen dinner for $2 at Food Maxx. It fills me up and it isn’t expensive.

I don’t know if I will continue to update my blog every week like I did 2 years ago.

Getting FAT

My partner and I went to the movies today. We saw Into the Woods, which by the way was a really good movie. I had to pee so bad by the time it ended, so I went to the restroom and well, took a piss lol. When I went to wash my hands, that’s when the realization hit me that I am right back to where I started 2 years ago when I started my diet when I lost 70lbs.

I had really bad sleep apnea back then, and when I had lost all that weight, I couldn’t use my BiPap machine anymore because the pressure was too high, and I actually didn’t even need to use it for the last 18 months. The CPAP company told me I could bring it in to have it readjusted to lower the pressure, but I had it in my head that I finally don’t need it anymore, so I never did anything with it.

The year that I had lost 70lbs, I stopped losing weight in July and I never could figure out why. I was doing everything the same, I was eating the same portions and the same calories, but the weight just stopped coming off. Actually, when I first began losing weight in January of that year, the weight was coming off really fast, but then gradually it went from say for example 5lbs a week down to 4lbs, then 3lbs, then 2lbs, then before you knew it I was only losing half a pound a week until there wasn’t any weight loss at all. The weight gradually started climbing back up and I could not understand why.

You know how when you plateau, then get so frustrated that you say screw it, I’m going to eat something bad. Then once a week you start eating junk, then twice a week, then 3 times, etc. Next thing you know, you are gaining the weight just as fast as you lost it. Sometimes you just need that “AHA” moment, and that was today.

After the movies, we went to the grocery store and my partner asked if I wanted some valentine’s candy, but that is the last thing I need right now.

I have the Dr. Phil 20/20 diet that I pre-ordered in December that arrived on my Nook last week. I have been meaning to read it, but with all the Minecraft and other video games taking up all of my time, I just haven’t been able to read it yet, but I think now is the best time to start reading.

So I guess what I am saying is, this is day 1… well, perhaps since the day is almost over, I will make it day 0, epiphany day, tomorrow can be day 1 lol.

I can always do something if I set my mind to it. I have the Noom app, the SparkPeople “The Spark” on my shoe to count my steps and cardio along with a SparkPeople workout DVD, bicycle trainer and the Dr. Phil diet book. I also have the PlayStation 4 which I will save the money for the camera so I can use it to dance with a dancing game lol. Hey, all I know is the cabbage patch, it would be awesome to know more than that, I mean, not that I really go out dancing.

I have been very lazy, but I need to discipline myself because I don’t want this sleep apnea and I don’t want this fat face again. I’m done with that, so wish me luck.

The Spark of Fire Under My Ass

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This new gadget that lives on the laces of my left shoe has really lit a fire under my ass. Now I know why it’s called The Spark. Every day since I’ve had it, I’ve been walking to the store and walking longer distances when walking the dog, and I’ve been riding my bicycle on my trainer in the patio. The first couple of times it was all I could do to stay on it without dying from the pain in my thighs, but since I’ve had the Spark, I’ve been using it for as long as I can. Yesterday I only got off of it because my show was coming on. Today I woke up early specifically so I could spend as much time on the bike as I could. I was only on it for 36 minutes, but I’m working my way up to a longer ride.

The goal they gave me for steps is 6000. The first day I barely made it to the goal, the 2nd day was basically the same, but the 3rd day, well, that you can see in the image above. Of course, that’s not all from walking, most of that was from the bicycle. You see, it doesn’t just log my cycling, it considers my pedaling to be steps. My nutritionist wanted me to walk 10,000 steps per day, well, here you go.

Sometimes I buy something and feel real good about my purchase, while other times I feel like I have made a huge mistake and regret it. I am so happy that I found this because it got me off my butt and made me think about how much time am I going to spend walking today, and how much time I’m going to ride the bike today.

IMAG0747SparkPeople also sent me a workout DVD called Total Body Sculpting with Coach Nicole. The exercises look pretty good. I haven’t started using the DVD yet, but I plan on soon. I want to buy the weights first. They have workouts that are beginners, intermediate and advanced. They also give you a week planner so you aren’t doing the same exact workout every time. The SparkPeople website even has these workouts available in the list of exercises so I know what to log. All I have to do is watch the video and then when I finish, log it with the exact amount of time I did it and I get the calorie credits. Cool, eh?

So I feel so much more motivation than I did before. If I ever get to the point where this DVD isn’t working, I mean when it becomes too easy and I plateau, then I will have to buy another one that is a bit more advanced. I will also have to step up my cardio as well. Perhaps I could do the 2 hour bike ride and then 2 hours of exercise DVD. Hmmmm… I better not count my chickens before they hatch lol. We will see how it goes, yes?

So… until then…

The Spark Activity Tracker

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Diet and exercise are very important to me. Since I have Scoliosis, I prefer cycling over any other form of cardio exercise that might hurt my back. I have a mountain bike on a bicycle trainer in our patio and I have a bicycle computer connected to the back wheel. I also use the Noom app on my Barnes & Noble Nook HD+ tablet to log my diet and exercise.

The Noom app added a new feature that allows you to connect your Google Fit account so it can copy all of the cardio information from your Google Fit tracker. I didn’t have a Google Fit tracker, so I went looking for one, however they are very expensive. I went looking for an alternative and found The Spark Activity Tracker from Spark People for only $29.95. It attaches to your shoe or your belt or wherever you want to attach it. It logs your steps and all of your cardio from walking, jogging, running, cycling, elliptical and even when you are just working or shopping. It comes with a USB Wireless Sync Point that allows The Spark to sync when you are in range of your computer where it is plugged in. Once it syncs up with your SparkPeople account, you can then see your progress. It shows daily steps, activity minutes, calories burned and distance covered.

imageUnfortunately The Spark doesn’t connect to the Noom app, but I will be able to use the information from SparkPeople to log my activity to Noom. Perhaps this will be more accurate since it is much newer than my bicycle computer. If The Spark is permanently attached to my shoe, I will never forget it, and the battery will last for a year, so no worries about having to keep it charged. I can also edit the steps in the Noom app so they are the same as in the SparkPeople website.

What I was not expecting was to receive a SparkPeople Exercise DVD that will give me complete weekly workouts for beginners, intermediate and advanced. I am considering buying some weights to go with these workouts. I watched a few of them and they aren’t bad either. I don’t have a lot of space in my bedroom, but I might have just enough to do these workouts.

I was curious to see if The Spark would know the difference between walking and riding my bicycle, and it knew exactly what I was doing because it logged 22 minutes on the bike as “Cycling”. Although, the 2nd day I used it, it logged it as general exercise. I had to reclassify it, and that also affected my steps on the SparkPeople website and app, which gave me more steps. A little strange that I had to do that, but that’s fine.

It’s also interesting how The Spark works. You tap it 5 times and it will show lights to show you how you are doing. If it only has 1 light on the top, you haven’t done anything yet, if it shows half, then you know you’ve still got a ways to go. If all the lights come on, and they blink, then you still have a few minutes of exercise to go. You know you’re finished when all the lights glow and they don’t blink. That’s when you can sigh and say I’m done! And if you meet your goal for the day, the week or the month, you get a trophy. The image at the top of this paragraph is my first trophy which says I met my goal of 6000 steps. I got the same trophy on my 2nd day using it. The trophies are a fun way to encourage you to meet all of your goals. Although, you don’t get an actual trophy, but if you do all of the work and eat right, you get a flat tummy, and isn’t that worth all the trophies in the world?

I was motivated by the Noom and SparkPeople apps, and I was motivated by my bicycle and the bicycle trainer, but even though I had all of those things, I wasn’t 100% motivated. I do feel that this Spark will light a spark under my ass and get me back to work so I can lose this weight. I hope it does.

Spinning

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Oh boy, this bicycle trainer has got me spinning… A sad pathetic attempt at humor lol.

Spinning 11 12 2014

So here I am today compared to yesterday. Yesterday and every other day that I used my bicycle trainer for exercise, I only used 1 gear and I had the unit resistance roller on 1 twist. Well, that’s not going to help me get the exercise that I need to lose weight. If I want to get a good workout, I need to mix it up a bit, so I twisted it 2 more times and started using my gears.

The last post I talked about not being able to use my gears because I installed my bicycle on the trainer wrong because it wasn’t connecting to the wheel since it couldn’t reach the nut, so I put a new nut on there from the front wheel. Now that it is stable on the trainer, I can use my gears.

Yesterday I rode for 14 minutes and rode about 3 miles or so, but because my work out was low intensity, I only burned 187 calories. Today I rode the same amount of time and the same amount of miles, but I switched my gears and rode a bit faster or slower depending on the gear I was on. I considered my workout medium intensity today, and that was 262 calories burned according to the Noom app.

This is what I did. I have 15 speeds on my bicycle. The right gear has 1 – 5 and the left one just has an indicator which is thick with an H to thin with a L, which I assume is high and low. I’ve never really been a gear person. Anyway, what I did was I put the left one all the way to the H, then I started out with 1 which is basically easy, like down hill. Then I switched to 3 which seemed to be like going straight on level ground, then 6 which seems to feel like going uphill. So I would start out 1, go to 3, go to 6, go to 3, go to 1 and so on for 15 minutes.

I honestly have no clue what the hell I’m doing lol. I watched a spinning video last night on YouTube and OMG that guy was doing a warm up for 5 or 6 minutes and that was basically my workout today. That was all I could do. I’m just not in very good shape. When I got off the bicycle, I had to go take a shower because I was drenched in sweat, and I felt nauseous.

Sure, 14 minutes is not a lot of time, but I have to work my way up. When I first started riding my bicycle on the bike trail I think in 2010, I could only ride 1 mile and I was dead lol. I worked my way up to 2 miles, then worked my way up to 5 miles, which actually took me to the bike trail, but I couldn’t actually get on the bike trail because I was too tired and sore. I would have to take a 15 minute break just to heal my legs up so I could ride back home. Eventually over time I was riding my bike 22 miles every day on the bike trail and would come home and wouldn’t be sore or anything. That’s how it has to be with this bike trainer. I will start out slow, but eventually I will get to the same point that I was with riding the bike on the bike trail, but since I’m at home, perhaps I could just do half of the ride in the morning, then the other half in the afternoon. I think that is doable, but I have to work up to that point.

So this is a great start and I will keep working on it.

I bought a trainer

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Well I finally did it, I bought a trainer for my bicycle. I say finally because I’ve wanted to buy one for years, but could never afford it. Thanks to this secured credit card, I finally could. I have 3 months to pay it off before they start charging interest, and I don’t plan on paying interest on anything.

They had a coupon code for saving 22% and I took advantage of that. It was 22% on one item only, and I used it on the trainer. I also bought a riser block for my front wheel. My bike is too high as it is, so I will have to use a block to get on the bike now lol.

I read all the reviews for this trainer before I bought it and they were all good. The description of this trainer says 26” to 29” wheel and it doesn’t matter if it’s a road bike or mountain bike.

This is supposed to be a quiet trainer, but some of the reviews say it is loud, and I don’t expect it to be quiet. I’ll probably be using it outside on the patio where it is not a pretty view, not as pretty as the view of the bike trail, but considering I haven’t been going out on the bike trail, that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I ride my bike for exercise daily.

I love going out on the bicycle, but there are a few things I don’t love about it. Like for example I don’t like people to see me riding my bicycle because I’ve been made fun of for the way I look. A woman LITERALLY pointed at me and laughed. That was why I stopped riding when I was 260lbs. You may tell me “Oh, she wasn’t laughing at you.” Did you not see where I said she LITERALLY pointed at me and laughed? Another thing I hate is the thugs who hang out in the parks along the bike trail. I feel as if they are going to ambush me and cause me to have an accident and take my bike.

Then there is the fear of an accident on the way to and on the way home from the bike trail. I’m afraid I will get a flat tire, which has happened. I’m afraid I will suddenly have to go to the bathroom out in the middle of nowhere… which HAS happened… number 2 lol. Yes, I’m 44 and I still use numbers.

This Ascent Fluid Trainer from Nashbar will alleviate all those fears. I can also stop if I am too tired, unlike if I get too tired on the bike trail, I can’t just stop, I still have to get home.

Here is my order summary which shows the sale prices and discounts.

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I look forward to this trainer coming because I really need to get back on the bicycle. I am so sick of being overweight and I really have no excuse for not exercising. When I get this, I REALLY won’t have any excuse for not exercising. I just hope I can bring it in the house instead of having to use it outside on the patio. It’s too hot in the summer and it’s too cold in the winter, it’s just right in the house.

Oh, one more thing, I didn’t buy the trainer computer because that was way too expensive, but I do have a bicycle computer that I am sure would work. All I would have to do is place the magnet on the rear tire and then place the computer wire on the trainer so they match up, then attach the computer to the trainer and just ride. If it doesn’t work for whatever reason, I will buy another computer, preferably a wireless computer. It would be cool if they had a Android app that I could use lol.

This will take 5-7 days to get to me, so when it does I will probably blog about it again.

Weight Loss

I have struggled with my weight since I quit smoking and gained 50lbs. I vowed to never get over 200lbs in the late 90’s, but I just couldn’t control the weight gain. I wasn’t eating anything that bad, so I never could understand what I was doing wrong.

Last year in January 2013 I made a New Years resolution to start losing weight. I was 262lbs and I dropped 70lbs and went down to 192lbs. I was so proud of myself, but then both my partner and I decided that we’re both tired of eating nothing but fruits and vegetables and weight watchers frozen dinners every day for the last 6 months, so we decided we could eat restaurant food and regular store-bought food as long as we stayed within a certain amount of calories and portion sizes. Well, try as I might, I couldn’t drop any more weight and I plateaued at 192 for a whole month. Then the weight starting slowly coming back and recently I went right back up to 235. UGH!

So yesterday I decided screw this eating whatever the hell I want crap, I NEED to drop this weight, like right this minute. I started the Noom app all over again from scratch and when I weighed in for the first time I had already lost some weight, so I was 227lbs. For breakfast and my 10am snack I had a banana. For lunch I had a Weight Watchers frozen dinner. For my 3pm snack I had yet another banana and for dinner I had a Weight Watchers frozen dinner.

Most people say not to eat anything after 6 or 7pm. Well here’s my problem, that’s when my appetite really comes to life. It seems as though I’m starving at that time lol. I mean, I can eat a banana for breakfast and snack and then a little meal for lunch and then another banana for my 3pm snack, but around or after dinner time, it’s like I’m famished, like I haven’t eaten in 10 years. That’s when I’m expected to not eat any more food? Yeah, um… good luck with that lol.

Last night around 8pm I started going into the kitchen and I grabbed a slice of bologna and then a slice of salami. I really wanted to make a sandwich, but when I go on my diet, I don’t eat bread. I could have eaten way more food than I did, but I chose to be good. I took a sleeping pill around 10pm and went to bed around 11pm or so.

This morning when I woke up I weighed myself and it said I was 224lbs, so at least I know the lunch meat didn’t affect my weight and the food I ate yesterday was the right amount. The Noom app said I could eat 2000 calories, but I logged around 1300 or so. I did log the lunch meat. The bologna was yellow and the salami was red.

If I can just stick with it, I will lose weight. I have complete faith in my ability to lose weight since it worked last year, I just need to be 100% committed and use the word “NO” when asked if I want to go to KFC or Golden Corral.

I bought some veggies at the store, like I bought 2 things of cauliflower and some broccoli and brussel sprouts and some other things. I didn’t buy any salad stuff because I don’t like salad without either thousand island or ranch, and those are definitely not on the menu for me. Although I did lose 40lbs back in 2003 or 2004 when all I ate were salads and I used ranch dressing, but for some reason it doesn’t work for me anymore. I have to find what works best and do that.

I haven’t been riding my bicycle to lose weight because of the heat. The best time to ride my bike in the summer time is at 5am, but I can’t seem to get to bed until 3am, so that’s out. Last night I wanted to go to bed early because I’m so sick of sleeping in until noon. Now that summer is coming to an end, when the heat starts going away I can start riding around 10am or so. I just can’t stand the heat, not even to go for a 30 minute walk. I feel like a vampire out in the sun about to burst into flames.

I’ve tried to go back on my diet this year, then my partner would buy junk and naturally I would eat that junk and then give up. I’m not going to pass up a bag of potato chips or cookies on the counter. I have an addiction. Potato chips and cookies are like crack cocaine to me. I just need some willpower… like a ton of willpower lol. If willpower came in a can, I would drink it. Unfortunately it does not. So I’m working on myself so that I can be healthy, it just takes time and patience. I know I can do this because it worked before.

I love positive feedback, but everyone is different, so what works for you may not work for me and vice versa. I’m sure people are going to say “Well what you gotta do is eat this and that and then do this exercise and blah blah blah” and that’s awesome advice, but I have to do what my body can handle and what I’m comfortable doing. I really do appreciate the advice, and thank you for thinking of me and caring enough about me to try to help.

I am using Noom which gives lots of wonderful advice and articles and I am in a Noom group so I get to talk to a group of about 10 wonderful people who are all in the same boat. It’s more of a lifeboat, but a boat all the same. This is just something that I have to do for myself.

Dangerous Sugar Substitutes

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I’m not the guy you normally go to about this because I usually call BS on all the complaints people have about certain foods that we buy. I mean come on, I’ve been using Sweet N Low and Equal since I was a teenager and I’m still alive. Whenever I say on social websites like Facebook that I’m eating or drinking something, there are at least 3 people telling me that I could get cancer and die. Yeah okay, whatever you say. So I just stopped.

Today I was at the store and I saw they had a sale on Yoplait. I don’t normally buy yogurt because I cannot stand the taste of regular yogurt. I mean, it’s repulsive to me. I can remember the first time I ever tasted yogurt. I was 9 and my sister was eating yogurt and told me I should try it, so she gave me a taste and it was so awful that I literally vomited right where I stood. They say your taste buds change over time and to be fair that was in 1979, but believe me, nothing has changed. Yoplait is the only yogurt that I can eat that doesn’t taste like sour crap to me.

20140827_004241_AndroidThe sale on the Yoplait was 10 for $5. I noticed they had pumpkin pie flavor so I bought 4 of those and then 6 other flavors. When I got home, I ate one of the Pumpkin Pie flavors and OMG It tasted just awful. I didn’t notice this label at first.  If I had noticed that and then read the back to see what they replaced it with, if I saw Sucralose, I wouldn’t have bought it. Sucralose is Splenda and Splenda does some nasty stuff to me.

This is what it says on several websites, including Center for Science in the Public Interest CSPInet.org. “Sucralose, the key ingredient in Splenda, is made by reacting sugar with chlorine.”

Splenda gives me the worst stomach cramps I have ever experienced in my entire life. I mean so bad that I have put a heating pad on my stomach and one time I almost called 911 because the pain was so bad. I’ve tried ibuprofen and that didn’t even help. I would sit on the toilet until something came out, but afterward it still gave me cramps. I learned my lesson after the 2nd time this happened and I refuse to buy anything with Splenda in it. I can’t even have 1 simple cup of coffee with Splenda in it.

The one thing that shocked me about Splenda, besides the fact that they make it by reacting sugar with chlorine, was that it is detrimental to patients with Cancer, AIDS and heart patients. The Better Health Store website and a couple other sources say this.

In animals examined for the study, Splenda reduced the amount of good bacteria in the intestines by 50 percent, increased the pH level in the intestines, contributed to increases in body weight and affected P-glycoprotein (P-gp) levels in such a way that crucial health-related drugs could be rejected.

The P-gp effect could result in medications used in chemotherapy, AIDS treatment and treatments for heart conditions being shunted back into the intestines, rather than being absorbed by the body.

According to Turner, “The report makes it clear that the artificial sweetener Splenda and its key component sucralose pose a threat to the people who consume the product. Hundreds of consumers have complained to us about side effects from using Splenda and this study … confirms that the chemicals in the little yellow package should carry a big red warning label.”

I find that extremely shocking because of the fact that since January of 2013, I have been eating nothing but diet food. I lost 70lbs last year because of it. I am still eating diet food because I am still trying to lose weight. Well, I don’t think anything had Splenda in it, but how do I know that for sure? I’m not looking to blame anyone, but I have AIDS and according to most of my blood tests this year, my viral load has gone up. It has been undetectable for nearly a decade, and then all of a sudden it goes up and no one knows why? I take my medication religiously. I don’t even miss a day, and if I notice at 2pm that I forgot to take my morning pills, I will take them immediately. I don’t mess around with my health. These medications are keeping me alive, and if I am eating or drinking something with Splenda in it and it causes my medications to fail, well I have a problem.

Many people recommended Stevia, but that does the same, if not worse. The first time I tried Stevia, I was in the bathroom within minutes of drinking my first cup of coffee with it. I mean immediately. My stomach was cramping up so much and it gave me the worst gas I’ve ever experienced. I think I was on the toilet for 30 straight minutes crying in pain. It was just awful.

Look I’m all for trying new things, but I have health issues and I have to continue to use what works for me. I have never had any problem with Equal also known as Aspartame, even though the CPSI website does not recommend it, or Sweet N Low also known as Saccharin.

Someone recommended Monk Fruit to me tonight, and this website says it’s safe, but it also says that about Stevia and well, my body does not like that either. I won’t reject someone’s recommendation without at least giving it a try, but I also don’t want to over pay for something that I may have to throw in the garbage.

So my recommendation is if you have cancer, AIDS or have a heart problem, avoid Splenda like the plague if you want your medication to work. If you like Stevia and it doesn’t give you trouble then use that. But please don’t tell me what I should and should not try because I have a reason for doing the things that I do. Oh and companies, take notice that the Splenda you are using in your products are harmful to people like me. Which would you rather have, a happy customer, or a dead customer?

My diet disaster

I’m feeling very dumb these days because I am making the worst possible food choices and I can’t seem to stop gaining weight.

Last year I lost 70lbs and I bragged and my partner bragged, and we keep bragging despite the fact that I only lost 70lbs in 6 months time, and then stopped because I couldn’t seem to lose any more, so I slowly started gaining the weight back. That was 1 year ago almost exactly and I am 30lbs heavier now.

Here’s why. I know this is going to come off as blaming other people and I need to take responsibility for my own actions, but it’s really hard when you understand my situation. My partner isn’t on a diet. Plain and simple. He wants to go to buffets and eat ice cream and cookies and chips and this and that. I can pretend that I don’t want to eat those things, but let’s face it, I’m an addict. If you took an alcoholic to a bar during a beer bust, what do you expect them to drink while you drink beer? Milk? No, they are going to drink beer. If you live with a heroin addict and you bring home some heroin, what do you expect them to do? Watch you? No, they are also going to do heroin. So you simply cannot expect to bring a food addict to an all you can eat buffet and expect them to eat 1 plate with nothing but veggies, because that isn’t going to happen. They are going to leave that buffet feeling like they want to vomit during the ride home.

I spent all year last year faithfully eating weight watchers smart ones frozen dinners, fruits, veggies and denying myself treats that I love to eat. When the plateau hits and the next 6 months is all work with no payoff, you feel betrayed and you wonder why bother and then start slipping and eating whatever the heck you wanted. Well, that’s exactly what happened to me.

Again, I’m not trying to blame this on anyone because I’ve done it to myself, I realize that I can say no and I need to start saying it more often.

A week or so ago I started my Noom diet from scratch and then my birthday came and I ate cake and ice cream, buffet, chips, bread… And today someone brought me a Marie Calendars pie.  Chip doesn’t like lemon because it gives him acid reflux, so I ate nearly half of the pie on my own. I’m out of freaking control! I gave the other half of the pie to a neighbor because I just can’t take it anymore. I’m starting to look fat again. I looked in the mirror and my face is getting plump and so is my neck. I just can’t keep going like this anymore!!!

Tomorrow I am going to ride my bicycle to Food Maxx and I am going to buy 20 Weight Watchers frozen dinners for myself and 20 Michelina frozen dinners for my partner since he will eat anything and those are way cheaper. I can’t print the Weight Watchers coupons until my printer head and ink come next week, so I will have to deal with losing $6 – $8 from the lack of coupons because I just cannot let this wait another day. I need to take my life back and make better choices.I refuse to get fat again dammit!

For breakfast I will enjoy what I eat every morning, only this time I will measure my food. After breakfast, once I’ve had enough coffee in my system I will get on my bike and ride to Food Maxx and buy healthy frozen food and more generic crystal light. I’ll also buy some apples and oranges for snacks. I’ve been eating bananas every day, but I need to add other fruits so it’s less boring.

I always say that people will change their lives when they are ready, but the people we live with need to respect that and not tease us by putting bad things in front of us. I wouldn’t sabotage someone with what they are addicted to, so I expect to be treated with the same respect.

Anyway, rant over. I will hope to do my best and stick to my new diet starting tomorrow. Also, riding the bicycle is a huge help because it’s exercise. I will also start riding my bike again on the bike trail, but I will need new lights first. Target has rechargeable lights for $30 which I am saving for. I don’t have the money now, so I will have to ride after the sun comes out, not before. I’ll need all the will power I can muster.