Tech Support…

A friend sent this email to me today, it’s hilarious.  I’m copying and pasting it into this blog post, editing it a bit to make it easier to read.  This ought to give you a good chuckle.

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one…

Customer: Hi, this is Celine .. I can’t get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.

Customer: No , wait a minute. I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry…

Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.

Tech support: Would you click on ‘start’ for me and….

Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates..

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it.

Customer: I have problems printing in red..

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.

Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: ! OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah that one does work..

Tech support: Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?

Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five dots.

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer.

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I’m writing my first email.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’

And last but not least…

Tech support: ‘Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.’

Customer: I don’t have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: ‘P’…..on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

Scared Shitless from YouTube

Have you seen these videos on YouTube that claim that there is a “real ghost” or a “car accident” and they show a car driving on a road.  You see a lot of green grass and trees and it’s winding down this road then all of a sudden this scary figure of a female ghost shows up on the screen and you hear a screaming sound.  All of a sudden your legs slam into the keyboard tray, your glasses have also flown up in the air and landed in your lap and one of the arms are now bent and the headphones that were turned up full blast are on the floor.

Yeah, I hate it when they do that on YouTube.

Want to see the video I’m talking about?  Are you sure?  Are you absolutely sure?  Be 100% positive that you want to see it.  If you have a heart condition please do not watch this.  Now please turn your volume down or off, remove your glasses, push in your keyboard tray and click here.  I will not be held liable for anything happening.

Girlfriend Doesn’t Realize Boyfriend Is In Europe

Have you seen or heard about this?

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2AV3cmEWX4

I had something similar happen.  I got a call from my aunt telling me that my grandmother was dying and she asked for me so I took the Amtrak bus down to Palmdale, CA and spent a week with my family until my grandmother passed away.  After she passed away I checked my email and this friend of mine had sent me a few emails just yelling at me for ignoring her.

I emailed her before I left telling her that I was going to be gone for a week and she thought I would have internet access where I was going.  My aunt had dial-up and it’s not cool to go to someones house and tie their phone line up so I just didn’t read email at all.  I had my cell phone on the whole time and I would talk to Darrin which was the most important person I needed to talk to, nobody else.

So I told her that I was visiting my aunts and that my grandmother had just died.  I think she sent me 2-4 emails and was basically very cross with me in all of them for ignoring her lol.  She ended the friendship but when I finally emailed her and told her what happened she was sorry for saying all of those things.  We’re still friends but it took a long time for her to realize that I wasn’t going away and she would have to just deal with it lol.

Roast of Joan Rivers

I do love those Comedy Central Roasts.  They are so funny and dirty.  I remember watching them in the 70’s and I don’t remember them cussing but they were dirty.

The panel or they call it Dais were so so.  I think it was about 50/50.  One of the people on there I’ve never heard of, Whitney Cummings.  Who the hell is she?  I appreciate a good gay joke but come on, this ho bag made a crack about Mario Cantone having AIDS and about him being a child molester.  Sorry but it’s not funny.  And they kept making these fried chicken and watermelon jokes about Robin Quivers.  Also not funny.

They filmed this in July 2009 which was around the time that 4 stars passed away, one of them being David Caradine.  I think there were about 3 jokes about him which I think was too soon for that.  Yes it was funny but still too soon.

Also TV Guide said that Lily Tomlin was going to be in it but she wasn’t.  That was disappointing because I love her and I would’ve loved to see her make fun of the panel.

I think the best moment in this show was the beginning when Joan came out onto the stage with 6 children with price tags on them and she said that Brad and Angelina were having a garage sale lol.

The only 2 comedians that I liked on there were Kathy Griffin and Jeffrey Ross.  Besides the terrible fried chicken joke to Robin he was pretty good.  He was probably the best one out of them all of course besides Kathy Griffin and of course besides Joan Rivers at the very end.  She did pretty good too.

McGoiters Channel

I found this guy on YouTube named Brock Baker.  His channel on YouTube is called McGoiter.  I think he sent me an email via YouTube inviting me to his channel to subscribe and I did.  This guy is so funny, he shouldn’t have any problem out there in Hollywood.  He’s going to end up in a tv series some day soon.  But until then we get to enjoy him on YouTube.

He just moved to LA from somewhere in Colorado.  Maybe if you watch this video you will want to subscribe then next thing you know you are watching every video of his from the very first one to now like I did.  You won’t be disappointed, he’s very funny.  Here is his latest video called Brock Baker’s LA Adventures #2.

Edit: Wait!  I remember.  He didn’t email me, that was someone else.  I found Brocks video making fun of Fred after watching a Fred video lol.  That’s right.

httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPnL6xxfkyY

Me In The Simpsons – Wood Burned and Painted

I got bored…  LOL I went to the google search engine and typed “turn picture into simpsons character” and I found this website from Burger King called Simpsonize Me.  I thought it was a very good likeness of me lol and I got bored so I wood burned it and that wasn’t enough for me, I had to paint it too lol.  So here you go, I hope you like it.