Do I Have Scoliosis?

I have had serious back pain for probably the last decade of my life.  Sometimes my back locks up when I bend over and boy it is painful.  Mostly I can’t walk too far before the pain kicks my ass into submission and I have to sit or lay down.  I can walk to the grocery store from the house because it is only 3 blocks from the house, my back is in pain by the time I come home but it’s not excruciating.  I cannot go for a walk for exercise though.  Before I got a new (used) bicycle wheel, I was trying to walk for exercise and that caused the most horrible pain I have ever felt in my 43 years on this planet, and that is not hyperbole either.

Last month I had some x-rays of my back taken and a week ago my doctor told me that according to the x-rays, my back was curving, and he shaped his hand like a parenthesis (.  I misunderstood when he mentioned something about slouching, so naturally I thought my back was arching outward because I do tend to slouch a lot, but then I went to see him again yesterday and I asked him about the x-rays again and he wrote down on a piece of paper exactly what he means.  This is a normal spine |.  This is my spine (.  He drew it on a piece of paper so I could see exactly what he meant.

That makes sense to me, and that explains a lot why my back is in pain in the middle of my spine.  I was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease in my lower spine a few years ago and so I was assuming that it was going up which was why I was in so much pain in the middle of my spine which is why I asked my doctor for help.  Who knew that it was some new problem.

So I use the term scoliosis loosely.  I don’t know for a fact that I have scoliosis.  I asked my doctor “Is it like scoliosis?” and he responded with “yes” but that was not a diagnosis.  He asked me if I wanted to see a physical therapist and I said yes because I don’t know what to do about this and if a physical therapist can help me, then I’m going to go see one.  It will also help me with my weight loss, so I will do anything that I can to help stop this pain.

I called my aunt this week and told her about it, but with the impression that my spine was bending outward, but with the understanding that I had no clue which way it was bending.  I mentioned that I wanted to ask about a back brace and she said “DO NOT ASK FOR A BRACE!  You do NOT want to depend on a back brace, trust me.”  I don’t like arguing with people, especially her because she gets very emotional, but like I said before, I will do anything that I can do to stop this pain.  I didn’t ask my doctor for one when I saw him, but if a physical therapist suggests and prescribes one then I will wear it.

No I don’t want to have to rely on a brace, but I will do whatever it takes to stop this constant nagging pain that I have all day.  I’m not joking when I say I am in pain all day.  I am literally in pain every waking moment.  Even if I’m sitting down like right now I’m in pain.  If I’m laying down, I’m in pain.  I can’t do the dishes for more than 5 minutes without being in pain.  I can’t go to the mall and walk around like a mindless zombie like my partner loves to do because… you guessed it, it causes me pain.  It doesn’t really matter where I am or what I am doing, you can guarantee that I will be in agony, whatever it is.

I had a broken arm earlier this year and I was taking Vicodin probably 3 times a day.  It wasn’t stopping the pain in my arm, but it was helping and it did help my back pain, so I had a vacation from my pain for as long as I was taking the Vicodin.  I stopped taking the Vicodin when I stopped having pain and naturally the pain in my back came back immediately.  I have tried taking a Vicodin here and there, but they don’t seem to help at all.  I have been taking Ibuprofen, and that helps my toothache, but it doesn’t stop my back pain.

Oh one more thing about my back pain.  I have a very large patch of skin on my back that is dead.  I mean the nerves actually  I say that because my back in that spot has been numb for 19.5 years.  It never really bothered me until now.  Now it tingles and the numbing is causing pain.  It’s constantly itching and I’m constantly scratching it and the tingling really bugs the hell out of me.  Scratching doesn’t do anything except weird me out that I can’t feel my own fingers touching my back.  I mean, I can feel it, but I can’t feel it if that makes sense.  It’s like I know my hands are scratching my back, but it feels like someone else is doing it.  I can’t explain it, it’s a very odd sensation.

Anyway, I would really love to just go one day without having pain if that is possible.  I am hoping a physical therapist will help because I am really sick and tired of being sick and tired of being in pain.

Naturally I will update my blog when I begin physical therapy.

Why I Stopped Writing My Book

I stopped writing my book for several reasons and here they are.

I started writing and I think I got 3 chapters written and edited and typed storylines for 3 or 4 other chapters then I quit. I stopped writing because I had to start working on finishing the Christmas stockings but I didn’t work on those all day long, only a few hours so really that is no excuse for why I stopped.

One other reason I stopped writing my book is because I started hearing these horror stories of other people’s childhoods (that’s what my book is based on) and I started thinking that my childhood was mild compared to these people. So I started to think that people may read my book and think that I had it good. Even though I had a rough childhood, other people had worse than I did so my story pales in comparison and it just made me feel really tiny in the scheme of things.

I saw the movie “Riding In Cars With Boys” with Drew Barrymore and she wrote a book about her life and she had to have her ex-husband sign a paper so she could publish the book. Well, there is no way I’m gonna get any of the people I am writing about to sign their name on a piece of paper agreeing to let me publish them because I say some horrible things about almost every family member who did something rotten to me. I just know that they would ask me what I wrote before signing and I know they would never give me permission when they hear what I wrote. Plus I don’t speak to my stepdad or sister anymore and I know those greedy bastards would do what Drews ex-husbands wife would do, they would make me give them money first.

So before I continue writing I’m thinking of changing it from an autobiography to fiction and just change a few things. Obviously I’m gonna have to change names, that way I won’t get sued and I’m probably going to have to change the way things happened so it doesn’t seem too familiar to people.

I am not a writer and I only have 5 years experience as a reader (of fiction) to sit down and start writing a book so that’s why I stopped. I think that I need to keep reading other books to give me more of an understanding about how books work before I start writing again. And who knows, maybe I might take an online course in writing to help.

We will see how it goes. I’m not giving up on it, just putting it on the back burner for now.

Thank You Pepsi

photo715Last week, the American Family Association launched a boycott of PepsiCo. The AFA boycott is based, in part, on the PepsiCo Foundation’s support of PFLAG’s Straight for Equality in the Workplace project.

I got this email today from PFLAG saying to call the Pepsi Company to thank them and tell them that I will only buy Pepsi products from now on because I am a PFLAG member.

I will, but before I do I would just like to rant about something.  Why is it that the AFA hates gay people so much?  I mean, what did we do to them but be gay?  We didn’t hurt their chances of having equal rights like they did us.  So why are they boycotting a company for saying hey, we like gay people and we support them in the work place?  All gay people ever wanted was equal rights, to be treated like a human being and not be told that we can’t have a piece of paper that says that we are joined together as one.  That we can do our taxes as a couple and not individuals.

I’m just really confused.  Is this not the year 2009?  Have gay people been around throughout time?  Yes they have.  Michelangelo was gay.  I can’t think right now of all the gay people throughout history but there is record of gay people all throughout time.  Did you know that gay people were in the concentration camps in WWII?  Yes, where do you think the pink triangle came from?  While the jews wore a star of David to show that they are jewish, the gay people were forced to wear a pink triangle to show they were homosexual.  And did you know that during this time the jews treated the gays the same exact way the germans did?  Oh yes my friend, gay people have been persecuted as long as there has been persecution.

In the 1970’s gay people reclaimed the triangle, turned it upside down and used it as a symbol.  So this I tell the AFA.  We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it cause we’re not going away.  Gay people have been around since the dawn of time and we’re going to be here until the end of time so get over it.

Bill Nye Paper Recycling Factory

paper-factory

Bill Nye and the Elmers company have come out with this product for kids (and older kids like me) that allows you to recycle paper. It’s called Bill Nye Paper Recycling Factory and is currently for sale at Target.com for $25

You shred paper like newspaper, paper that you printed and messed up with or like notepaper that you don’t need anymore etc.  Any paper.  Then you put it in this little bowl and mix it with water then put the lid on and crank it to mix it all up.

Once it’s all mixed up you pour it into this mold and then you press it to squeeze the water out and shape it so you get a nice piece of paper that is the perfect size that you are looking for.

You can make it into card stock for greeting cards, small sheets for note pads and on the cover of the box they have a star-shaped plate to make star paper.  I’m sure there are lots of shapes.

I think this is good for kids so you can have them make their own paper from your newspapers so they can color and draw on so you aren’t wasting any more paper.  If they make a mistake, they can recycle that sheet too hehe.

I would like to get this to make card stock for making greeting cards.  I’m sure that you would be able to put this paper into your printer to print on if it is solid enough and smooth enough just like regular paper is.  And I’m sure you can add food coloring to it so you can have colored paper instead of just white.

Lego Indiana Jones

I got my Lego Indiana Jones for PSP game today and got a free t-shirt. This game is fun just like Lego Star Wars is. I’m really glad I got a PSP because it’s so cool.

I also bought some artist stuff at Michael’s. I bought “Cartooning Kit for Dummies” and it came with 6 colored pencils, 6 markers which are basically the same colors as the pencils, an eraser and a pencil sharpener. I was disappointed in the pencils because they were very difficult to erase. A regular pencil works better.

It also comes with a little 5×7 sketching pad with 50 sheets. The book is lame, it’s not even a book it’s more of a piece of paper folded a few times. I also bought a book called Superhero Madness which has “45 basic lessons for drawing cool heroes and vile villains”. It’s pretty cool. They also had these booklets that were totally blank so you can create your very own comic book. I bought 2 sizes, a regular typical comic book size and a pocket book size. Each with 28 pages.

I don’t know what I’m going to draw in them but I probably wont use them for a very long time, long enough to know what I’m doing first hehe.