My diet disaster

I’m feeling very dumb these days because I am making the worst possible food choices and I can’t seem to stop gaining weight.

Last year I lost 70lbs and I bragged and my partner bragged, and we keep bragging despite the fact that I only lost 70lbs in 6 months time, and then stopped because I couldn’t seem to lose any more, so I slowly started gaining the weight back. That was 1 year ago almost exactly and I am 30lbs heavier now.

Here’s why. I know this is going to come off as blaming other people and I need to take responsibility for my own actions, but it’s really hard when you understand my situation. My partner isn’t on a diet. Plain and simple. He wants to go to buffets and eat ice cream and cookies and chips and this and that. I can pretend that I don’t want to eat those things, but let’s face it, I’m an addict. If you took an alcoholic to a bar during a beer bust, what do you expect them to drink while you drink beer? Milk? No, they are going to drink beer. If you live with a heroin addict and you bring home some heroin, what do you expect them to do? Watch you? No, they are also going to do heroin. So you simply cannot expect to bring a food addict to an all you can eat buffet and expect them to eat 1 plate with nothing but veggies, because that isn’t going to happen. They are going to leave that buffet feeling like they want to vomit during the ride home.

I spent all year last year faithfully eating weight watchers smart ones frozen dinners, fruits, veggies and denying myself treats that I love to eat. When the plateau hits and the next 6 months is all work with no payoff, you feel betrayed and you wonder why bother and then start slipping and eating whatever the heck you wanted. Well, that’s exactly what happened to me.

Again, I’m not trying to blame this on anyone because I’ve done it to myself, I realize that I can say no and I need to start saying it more often.

A week or so ago I started my Noom diet from scratch and then my birthday came and I ate cake and ice cream, buffet, chips, bread… And today someone brought me a Marie Calendars pie.  Chip doesn’t like lemon because it gives him acid reflux, so I ate nearly half of the pie on my own. I’m out of freaking control! I gave the other half of the pie to a neighbor because I just can’t take it anymore. I’m starting to look fat again. I looked in the mirror and my face is getting plump and so is my neck. I just can’t keep going like this anymore!!!

Tomorrow I am going to ride my bicycle to Food Maxx and I am going to buy 20 Weight Watchers frozen dinners for myself and 20 Michelina frozen dinners for my partner since he will eat anything and those are way cheaper. I can’t print the Weight Watchers coupons until my printer head and ink come next week, so I will have to deal with losing $6 – $8 from the lack of coupons because I just cannot let this wait another day. I need to take my life back and make better choices.I refuse to get fat again dammit!

For breakfast I will enjoy what I eat every morning, only this time I will measure my food. After breakfast, once I’ve had enough coffee in my system I will get on my bike and ride to Food Maxx and buy healthy frozen food and more generic crystal light. I’ll also buy some apples and oranges for snacks. I’ve been eating bananas every day, but I need to add other fruits so it’s less boring.

I always say that people will change their lives when they are ready, but the people we live with need to respect that and not tease us by putting bad things in front of us. I wouldn’t sabotage someone with what they are addicted to, so I expect to be treated with the same respect.

Anyway, rant over. I will hope to do my best and stick to my new diet starting tomorrow. Also, riding the bicycle is a huge help because it’s exercise. I will also start riding my bike again on the bike trail, but I will need new lights first. Target has rechargeable lights for $30 which I am saving for. I don’t have the money now, so I will have to ride after the sun comes out, not before. I’ll need all the will power I can muster.

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